THE BLUE KING CHAPTER TWO

EDIT: SORRY ABOUT THE COUNTING ERROR!!!! Lack of sleep can do that, ya know ... ~_~

This is another set-you-up chapter. ;) Baesa and Caelun are very, very, very important to my themes, so it's pertinent that you know them in their native environment before I throw them off the deep end. ~ Enjoy!

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"So?" Baesa, Ianna’s closest friend, asked patiently, coming up beside Ianna as she stalked through halls of their hold. This particular site was one they came to often; it was a system of caves within the side of the plateau Kaenul was built upon. There was another such plateau, riddled with caves, very near the border; it was easy to get lost within the caves, another assurance that, should the Talons lay siege to their hold, they would easily escape. It was simply a precaution, however; the Talons never ventured farther into J’engar lands than absolutely necessary, and J’engar-ai rarely stayed at any one place for longer than a month.

"Pilan is dead," Ianna snapped, still irritable from her conversation with Aedaan.

"I’d think you’d be happy," Baesa said suspiciously, frowning. "What happened?"

"The holds are gathering in three day’s time," Ianna said eventually, striking for her room, a small cave just off the foremost mouth—so that she would be the first Talon soldiers would have to kill. "They wish to send an envoy of friendship to the Talons."

Baesa flinched as if she’d been struck. "What?"

"His Majesty has asked that I attend the gathering, in the hopes that I might—convince them otherwise." Ianna shook her head viciously. "How could they be this stupid, Baesa? Every year we lose valuable men and women to their border sweeps, men and women that could have greatly bettered our society!"

"Perhaps we should bring in our wounded, and show them Talon friendship," Baesa suggested darkly, her scowl as dark as Ianna’s. "My queen, the teacher wishes to speak to you—"

"Tell him that I am well aware my time is coming," Ianna shouted, so loud that the caves rang with her voice, echoing back and forth, "and that he will remember who rules here!"

Baesa flinched again, and took an offshoot, leaving Ianna to sink into the darkness of her room to contemplate Aedaan’s words. Baesa did not like these moods of Ianna’s; not because she was having them—but because she must have them. Baesa had grown up with Ianna, had grown up having a friend who laughed and loved as easily as Baesa herself. All that had changed when Ianna’s father had died, and she had had to assume the duties as Queen of J’engar-ai. The laughing, trickster of a girl was gone, replaced by a woman who cared—deeply—for her people and, as a result, flung herself at every challenge to keep them safe.

Baesa held council with Ianna’s inner thoughts; she knew that Ianna believed that she had gained grudging respect and little more over the years. It couldn’t be farther from the truth—her people loved her, and would—and did—do anything for her. Baesa wished desperately for Ianna to see this, but it was not her right to speak for the people, and so she kept her silence, and waited for Ianna to see it for herself.

"How is she?" Caelun asked, sidling up to her with a bowl of stew in his hands. "Well?"

"She is very worried," Baesa admitted, fearing no retribution for including Caelun in this. Caelun was Ianna’s personal guard, though she rarely permitted him his duties, and her friend besides. "The other holds may force the High King to send an envoy to Talon."

Caelun’s carefree smile dropped away, his grey-green eyes clouding. "What?"

"The High King has requested she convince them otherwise, but if they have already broached the subject, I fear there will be no undoing this." Baesa shook her head, taking Caelun by the elbow and guiding him off the beaten path, to a quieter curve in the main hall’s tunnel. "She is very angered that they would try to become friends with the people who have slowly eaten away at our hold until we are but few—and I fear that this anger may compel her to do a rash and unnecessary thing."

Caelun studied his stew as if it would yield the answers he sought, jaw muscles clenching and releasing periodically. "The Talons took my brother, my mother—and they wish to be friends with these monsters?"

"Speak of this to no one," Baesa warned, stepping away from him. "She took me into her confidence reluctantly."

Caelun nodded. "I understand. Live well, Baesa."

"Die strong," she replied, to the customary farewell, and saluted him before turning and disappearing down the way. Caelun sighed and stood in silence for a long while, until his stew grew cold; eventually he designed to move, but he did not go to Ianna, as he wished; instead, he turned and made for his quarters.

Comments & reviews · 5
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I'm not going to critique anyone's work. I'm too young and i'll leave that to the senior writers but I will say this. I love this story and I'm hooked.

User avatar
greenjay
Review

Okay, now I critique :D.

The holds are gathering in three day’s time," Ianna said eventually, striking for her room, a small cave just off the foremost mouth—so that she would be the first Talon soldiers would have to kill. "They wish to send an envoy of friendship to the Talons."

The bold part makes sense, but it took my like a minute to figure it out, so I'd suggest rewording it.

Besides that one little thing I didn't really find anything wrong. Good job :D.

-greenie

User avatar
Fan
Review
Fan wrote a review · Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:31 am

"So?" Baesa, Ianna’s closest friend, asked patiently, coming up beside Ianna as she stalked through halls of their hold.

This sentence looks a bit too wordy, I think you should ditch 'Ianna's closest friend'. And stalked? It implies that they're doing something they shoudn't be but I can't see that.

This particular site was one they came to often; it was a system of caves within the side of the plateau Kaenul was built upon. There was another such plateau, riddled with caves, very near the border; it was easy to get lost within the caves, another assurance that, should the Talons lay siege to their hold, they would easily escape. It was simply a precaution, however; the Talons never ventured farther into J’engar lands than absolutely necessary, and J’engar-ai rarely stayed at any one place for longer than a month.


Seems a bit info-dumpy.

'Live well, die strong." Kinda reminds of the film Dinotopia

So, it looks alrigth so far, I can understand what your characters are like and the dislike their race feels for the Talon's. A few problem's with grammer but the great thing about that is that it can be fixed easily. Keep it up, and try to improve. Hope this helps.

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greenjay
Comment

I want to critique this but I just have one quick question. Where's chapter 2?

-Ahh, Me



I sleep with reckless abandon!
— Link Neal