Esmé

Quote: "Well this is certainly something." Jon said blankly after seeing the small dorm him and Liza would be sharing. Dialogue punctuation: comma instead of a period after ‘something’. Also, ...

Quote: Muck and filth sticking between her pale, opalescent toes as she walked around the edge of her prision, running a white finger along the wall. Prision = prison. ‘Muck ...

Quote: Hi, my name is…well, you can call me Miranda and I am, as the French would say ‘le loup garou’. Firstly, space after the ellipses. Secondly, I recommend I ...

Quote: For a moment he felt that he was seven, waking out of a three-day coma after Girec’s beating. No, that had been years ago. Now he lay on his ...

\quote: I’m sitting in my mothers room at present, it isn’t a pretty room, far from it in fact. I would turn the first comma into a period. A bit ...

Quote: It definitely wasn’t the grime we had last night. Grime was a basic food for slaves and peasants like me. You have ‘grime’ two times. Quote: I swallowed, then ...

So, the review is supposed to be here or there? Okay, I’ll critique your story if you want, lol. I’ll be correcting mistakes as I go: Quote: “Time for you ...

If it's a story than why don't you post it in the fiction section? The Writer's Corner is more to talk about your story and how the story is going ...

Quote: Vil bent his head, seeing a gentleman approach. He bowed, tilting his head to the right so the man could not see the masked side of his face. The ...

Wow, this is long, lol. -But I'll try my best, I'll write the critique as I read. quote: his magically enhanced voice was heard by all. Capitalize 'his'. quote: This ...

I actually liked the repetition of 'she'. It gave the text its own unique style, in my opinion. That was a very short text, but I liked it. I know, ...

Ah, time present? Horrid little thing that it is, lol. Sorry, but I’m going to avoid making corrections when it comes to times, okay? I’m going to write the critique ...

Quote: One, solitary bird, an owl, flew over the street, meandering over treetops and telegraph poles towards the second house, number four. Ah, the ‘comma, number four’ phrase… Absolutely love ...

This is chapter six? I haven’t read anything of your’s before, so forgive me if I start to ask completely stupid questions concerning the fable, lol. I’ll write the critique ...

Uhm, I just wanted to say that I never got around to critique a short story, so I probably can’t give you any tips. I’ll check you’re work as I ...