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Erb

  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Forgotten.

    Very nice! But some of your choices of wording I'm questionable about. "you can’t feel" i was hoping for a better word besides "feel" actually. Also the parts where you ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The War Wind

    One word, WOW. That was incredible! I don't think there's a single part of that i didn't enjoy. The title was but mediocre though. It fits with your story, but ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Office Chair

    I really liked your plot shifts, from the red wine and gripping your bedpost right back to the office chair. Kind if gives the reader a sense of whats inside ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Final Dance

    The first of this poem had me smiling! Very good work! I found towards the ending you kind of dragged it on a lot more,(your single lines) but besides that ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Nighttime Sky.

    This piece was very descriptive, which is great! But at the end, i kind of had a feeling of "What.. that's it!?". Also, you might want to try to find ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Love lost

    Ahh.. have you ever heard of the term "comma splicing"? Try to avoid the overuse of commas my friend. I also found myself... bored with this piece. Most of what ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: My Helix is a Highway

    I really liked the title of this, definitely caught my attention! But you should make your poetry a little more... mysterious. and toward the drier road (on the sign was ...

    Oct 4, 2009
  • Other » General, General Re: Why I love Twilight

    Overall, it was great! But a lot of grammar mistakes! Consider looking it over, do you use Microsoft word? On another note, I know pretty much nothing about the twilight ...

    Apr 1, 2009
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: If Solar Systems Spoke

    Pieces such as this go to show that children should not be neglected as "unable" compared to adults. If you're truly ten years old, your truly talented. I have a ...

    Apr 1, 2009
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: n3

    This line didn't really appeal to me. There is love within my chest for you. Also, the entire time I read this it left me wondering, who in the world ...

    Apr 1, 2009
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Look at the Children

    I liked it a lot, noticed that there has been many edits to it considering previous reviews.. id criticize the same things to be honest. Its great now, only thing ...

    Mar 31, 2009
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: For those lost souls..

    For those lost souls, Death is hardest on the forgotten . I would use a period here instead of a comma For those lost souls, Time of pain, and floods ...

    Mar 31, 2009


Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li