Emerson

I really can't do anything beyond echo Bubbles and offer some tips. We can't tell what this poem is about, and because of that, I can't feel anything with it. ...

Hello there! First I'd like to say, welcome to YWS! You're new, yes? ;-) He was dressed in red and black finery, was balding and had a gaunt, pale face ...

Samichan, Darling. Je te deteste.... I hope you can make that out, chérie? The nurses’ shoes struck the floor with a loud clap, and the y both jumped. She muttered ...

When sea-serpent rises, when wild siren calls, We've only to write, and invent what befalls. This first line here is odd? I think maybe you should change it to, "When ...

Just some notes: You might want to title your thread with the title of your story, or perhaps a brief blurb about it, rather than "Randomness" with all those letters ...

The only epics I've read are parts of The Odyssey that school requires and The Metamorphoses by Ovid. So I'm not too learned in them. This is a good idea, ...

a young knight leap over his battle leap should be in the past tense, right? I really loved the idea behind it; gods playing chess with peoples lives. It's something ...

the parched tongue of flame should flames be plural? Something about this line didn't work for me. Then, a few lines later, you repeated the word flame. Fixing that will ...

It was too repetitive for me to like. It was just sort of bland--all questions and no answers. You really have to go deeper than that to make a good ...

I don't usually critique lyrics, so don't expect much from me! I really like this, but I'd want to hear it with music. I could imagine it being on a ...

On the poetry thing, I beg to differ. This is a poem. Poetry is in verse, a story is in paragraphs. It's as simple as that. But oh well, I ...

Hmmm Perhaps I'm less amazed than everyone else? Don't get me wrong, it is good. It has a lot of potential. But for me, it was somewhat boring. You were ...

til it shettered back to bland, "shettered" do you mean shattered? I didn't like it. Why use a curse word if you censure it? What are you wanting me to ...

Not a care in the world , not the sound of a motor, Just my paddle and I, not a care in the world. I think the edit right there ...

You really need to read over and check your punctuation. In places you use commas where none are needed, and you should also consider semicolons, colons, dashes, and all the ...