that forged but cheeky smile,
stretched for f***in' miles and miles,
til it shettered back to bland,
where you crushed my heart in your sweaty hand!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I didn't like it. Why use a curse word if you censure it? What are you wanting me to feel? This is full of telling (and you're speaking directly to whoever "you" is) and so I can't feel anything from it. What emotion are you showing?
You're young, though. I suggest you read poetry, learn how to use metaphors and sensory image and all of that, which is all very important to poetry. I'm not sure you can really edit this specific poem and make it better--it has so little as it is you would have to rewrite it entirely.
Best of luck.