Emerson

I said stubbornly. dialogue tags are just annoying. remove 'stubbornly' we should know from her words how something was said, let your reader make the story up for themselves. It's ...

I think imp covered a good measure of things. I liked it, it was cute to read. try using a word other than 'blue' I'd suggest (I think there is ...

A frigid wind blew viciously around Tyson, making his jet-black hair dance to its own rhythm. I don't like -ly verbs much or any adjectives really. maybe try to find ...

her eyes adjusted from dim light of the candlelit room you should condense when you can. say "her eyes adjusted from the dim candlelit room" The story is real wordy, ...

They talked too loud, never did their homework, and just plain disregarded all that was decent. take out 'plain'. It's better to strip your writing of unnecisary words to make ...

Chapter 1: So the stories about laser tag? It starts real slow, and the narrators voice is...boring. You use too many words when writing, try to cut stuff down so ...

Well, I've only read the prologue but I'm swooning with excitement! You brought the two main characters in a lovely way, I think the only sentence I'd be picky with ...

Well, this was....rough... Dieu, this is going to be fantastico. Don't use french, darling, unless your character is french :-D and I doubt they are. Je ne sais pas... Well, ...

I believe she had been eight-and-twenty at that time. I just had to compliment you on that, perfect! Beautiful. Though I hadn’t witnessed the hanging of Mr and Mrs Manning ...

such scars on his person that would I didn't like this much, because no one would say that. They wouldn't say 'on his person' and from what I can infer ...

He brushed his teeth, as he did every morning [comma] and walked down the stairs. It was two months till Charles was discharged from the hospital. should be until, not ...

Form where it hide's, From, typo. no apostrophe 's on 'hide' just 'Hides' (the 's' ending is actually part of the verb form) You should read over stuff before you ...

I don't critique poetry much but I saw 'rammstein' :-D I don't think I've heard the song mentioned, the only albums I have are Mutter and the album with Du ...

The lack of proper punctuation ( " fact." Using a period at the front of sentences), using excruciatingly obvious fragments as sentences, and the lack of capitalization makes this piece ...

His heart pounded in his chest as fear rose in his heart. you repeated the word 'heart' try rewording this sentence, maybe ending with, 'as fear rose within him'? Now ...