Published October 18, 2006
.immaculate.
she sees me, but she does not see me. i can feel her gaze, sense it, thrive on it.
she knows me, but does not know me. i understand, she realises i’m alive. and yet nothing more.
she hears me, yet pretends it goes unnoticed. her face never once slips it’s mask of defined perfection.
she smiles, but without moving a single bone in her body. those blood red lips which never part, ocean blue eyes which smile only as an illusion.
she is breathtaking, and goes by it.
.yearning.
his voice touches my ears like a gentle kiss on the night air, but i do not acknowledge it.
he longs for me. craves my deathly cold touch and aches to awaken emotions within me.
he knows i do not love him. just as he knows i do not lust for him.
.determination.
when no one is around, she watches me. only under the cover of darkness, but still watching me.
her expression never changes. regardless of how many times i kiss her. how many times i touch her face, caress her skin.
i don’t mean anything to her. but i do.
.dignity.
he is my world, without even existing in it.
i do not need him, yet i pine for him.
it is not love. it is not lust.
.in fact.
it can only be described as one thing.
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140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
I agree with everyone else but I thought it was quite a good poem
What exactly was the subjs=ect beacause I didn't really understand it
it had a nice feel to it though
Nice use of repetition
Charlotte
xxx
I think as a new writer you showed some good talent in this piece.
The format definitey needs some work... and the punctuation. But other than that I think it was good. I liked the contenct. Keep up the good work and don't get down because of some critiques, they're to help improve
Lexy xxxxx
Good poem. Periods are misplaced, but that was obviosly intentional.
I don't know what the poem is trying to say, but -correct me if I'm wrong- is it about lesbianism?
The lack of proper punctuation ( " .in fact." Using a period at the front of sentences), using excruciatingly obvious fragments as sentences, and the lack of capitalization makes this piece rough to read.
I'm not sure eyes can smileI also thought it was a short story. But its a poem... I'd say its a short story, since your lines are long and what not. It's also confusing, and maybe needs more 'down-to-earth' writing.
It had a nice feel to it, but was quite confusing.
I'm... I'm not quite sure what you were trying to say here, but good start, in any event.
First off... I can't really read this
Format it better...
And what's with the periods before some words?
Augh... ... ... the lines were too long, I thought this was a short story until I realized that it was posted in a poem
So fix it up and I'll rad it again later... maybe...