Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Okay so this was a pretty short little story. It didn't seem to be connecting towards much. It was just like a small excerpt from a larger novel. That being said it was still a pretty neat little story. It might not have really had a plot but it had a decent flow to it, the characters seem pretty realistic and it was fun to read.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I glanced at Bevan, wondering what he was thinking about. I was thinking about the city. As always I wondered what it held that could be so dangerous, so forbidden.
Now that's a pretty intriguing start that you've got there. Definitely a good move starting with some pretty nice questions there.
The village was quiet this early in the morning. Inhabitants of Sage Barrow never stepped out of their houses until the sun has fully risen. We were late today. The dawn light played merrily on the thatched roofs of Sage barrow. A few chickens clucked by on the dirt road, scrounging the ground for dropped seeds. Yew trees lined the path and little flowerbeds were set beside it.
This is a nice bit of description that you've got here. Establishes the setting of it really well.
I knew Diya would scold and give me a speech for being out before dawn, but a much worse punishment was in store for Bevan. His father was a retired warrior. He was formidable and strict, only popular for his former glory. These days you could only see him at night, skulking around in the village tavern.
I felt guilty, knowing the fault was mine, but he’d pay the price.
Some ominous build up there. Definitely leaves you wanting to know exactly what sort of thing went down here. I would definitely want to find out that's for sure.
As we neared my house I saw his eyes grow weary. I wanted to give him a word of comfort, but I didn’t know what to say.
“Well, bye then,” he said, a shade of resentment in his eyes.
“See you at the association,” I said, giving a feeble wave as he walked down the dirt path to his house.
I think that word needs to be added there.
And other than that this seems like a reasonably well done little good bye scene that you'e got here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Hmm so this was a pretty nice and very simple little scene. It wasn't the most exciting but it wasn't boring and that's nice too. Overall I don't have any suggestions for improving this any further. Its just a really simple piece. Overall good job!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 261340
Reviews: 4131
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