Emerson

I read over it only once, and perhaps I'm not putting enough thought into it, but to quote Brad, "What is the point?" What were you trying to write about? ...

People sat in houses in the industrial city, unaware of the approaching planes. Later, you say they are "driven out of sleep" if they are just sitting....then why are they ...

It's a bit odd that she'd suddenly get so religious Well, from what I've read/heard about her, she grew up catholic and stayed strong with it until her adult years, ...

Snow White frowned and stopped beside a window, the thick drapes prohibited any kind of light to come through, leaving only dim candlelight to illuminate the corridors. I think this ...

With his fleshy pretty queen, add a comma after 'fleshy' to separate the two adjectives. The constant use of commas at the end of the line got annoying, and though ...

Following in Colleen's steps, I couldn't take anything away from this. It was beautiful, sure, but what is the meaning behind it? Where is the point? What are you trying ...

I come to chop it apart!—I mean.... Enjoy it thoroughly like we both know I will :lol: It had been three years since Little Red had grown from her name ...

Your poetry always seems to come off not as poetry but as spoken word or as lyrics. It had no real poetic form other than rhyme. And you didn't keep ...

I liked reading this :-) it was so poetic. I liked the last verse the most, though I do have one complaint! where youth never ages; for lines should only ...

in waves of burning boiling light? You need a comma after 'burning'. It was...good. But you sort of rhymed when ever you could, rather than holding a real pattern. Or, ...

He saw a crack that run up the side of her bedroom wall ran? It reads better like that. Eh. It was Ch. Nothing magical, marvelous, or what not. In ...

Happiness whirs on a color wheel, we splatter lime passions and budding lemons down our front as we attempt to guzzle fact and fantasy, drinking brain cancer from a tin ...

You lean to heavily on the rhyming. It makes it ugly, because it constantly rhymes; this kind of rhyming isn't suggested.. The subject matter was also rather...dry, though original. But ...

I hated the ellipses, find some other way to punctuate it you don't need so many pauses. This whole piece is set in quotes, meaning its a speech, its being ...

"Your hands the most" what? Your hand the most beautiful? The most ugly? And grammatically "Your hands are the most." I don't really have anything to pick at, other than ...