EloquentDragon

Here's an example: Her family recently moved back to New Haven, a town in the middle of nowhere from the big city of San Francisco. In San Francisco was her ...

Well, alright then. But that can also be called "melodrama." ;) If your protagonist was meant to have a condition (which, by the looks of it he did) then perhaps ...

Hah hah. Very ironic. I loved it.

Mmm, maybe. Keep in mind that writing comedy "fast" can sound TV-show-ish and rushed. I've found that some of the most hilarious jokes are the ones that take the longest ...

Idiom. Idiom was the word I was looking for. Avoid English idioms.

Sure thing! (Not sure if that "longest review" record is a good thing or a bad thing though, heh. xD)

Well, I was wondering about that. I gave up wondering about that though, and just assumed.

I sort of like having those segments in there though. It's a nice little break, and adds the subplot of June in. As I said, maybe just revise it a ...

So yeah, just to let you know my future reviews will hopefully be more helpful. I will compile a list of all the things I have noticed once I've had ...

I agree with TakeThat, although I read the first section as a comedy. xD

That is honestly the longest reply I have ever recieved on something that I've reviewed. O_o But really, thanks for reading through everything, and thanks for not refuting every single ...

Yep, much better!

Summary meaning, "Trako fights aliens, in this scene blah blah blah." Don't summarize the whole book, just the stuff that came right before this. You should also provide a little ...

Well, maybe don't unpublish it, but do indicate what this is for and where the change in versions occur. I think you should leave it up though, sort of as ...

Well, it's a boy's name. Must be one that they started using for both though. (I think it was actually a surname) Be careful, when using two povs, that you ...