Dynamo

I like the first character, Carrie. She has a mind of her own and doesn't like being bossed around. When you have at least one female character like that in ...

I personally think it was a little too short and two dimensional. A little more description on your part would help make it a little more three dimensional. Also, I ...

"The first thing I noticed was my eyes." You need to change 'was' to 'were' since you have two eyes, not one. Also, acording to Nate, towards is not a ...

Hmm... interesting. You might want to put more emotion into Lily's reaction of seeing her brother being cut down. There's two ways you can make this chapter work: A) Keep ...

I've never critiqued poetry before, it's not really my thing. But, I think you need one from a fellow gamer. I can see you didn't follow traditional methods of poetry ...

Hmm... It's alright. I'd say it was better if I was a little more awake at the moment. It seems like you're rushing into the story a little quick, but ...

OK, I'm just going to stop you for a second. Um, what in the holy name of God possessed you to write this piece of crap? Where's the back story? ...

This storybook is cool. You know, I want to do the same kinda thing with my friend Achitaka with super heros where I'm a demi-god of thunder who talks like ...

Hey buddy. I finally got around to reading your work. I've got to say, in some places it's better than my own. Is this one of the stories you told ...

Not much to say about this chapter. I can't see anything wrong with the story or writing mechanics. Keep up the good work and I'll try to read the rest ...

It's a pretty short chapter, that much is certain. It raises some questions as to who that girl is. Looks like a good start to a story, although maybe you ...

You may not have noticed but you did something good. You shortened the length of this post. All your other posts were pretty long and, sadly, a little tedious to ...

It looks like you worked hard on the fight scene, though I have to admit I hazed in and out while reading it so I didn't pick up many fine ...

Well, it's about time you brought the story back over to Naruto. I think the dragons are OK storywise, but in battle I think it would be a little overpowered ...

theron guard and PsychicNinja, let's not forget that this is happening before the Naruto series has begun. For all we know Itachi could have fallen in love after he left ...