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Re: 12 Shocks of Xmas (pt. 4)
I love the joke about the baby's "x-mas present." I thought the part in the beginning with killing people on the video game could be better. I didn't flow for ...
Jan 21, 2008 -
Re: Summer at Grandmas 1
“Yes you are. your cousin Amanda will be there and she’s bringing one of her friends.” “I’m definitely not going up there!” Not that he wouldn't mind seeing Amanda though, ...
Jan 15, 2008 -
Re: Ron
Ahhhhh, I get it. I like the twist at the end. Is Psychopath the correct word (I always associated that with killers but I could be wrong)? Split personality might ...
Jan 11, 2008 -
Re: Alpha Galaxy Chapter 2 Part 1
A few spelling mistakes (new-->knew, ntelligent-->intelligent) but overall it's good. The plot is explained clearly and it interests me. I shall go find Chapter 1 and see what it's about. ...
Jan 11, 2008 -
Re: 12 Shocks of Xmas (pt. 3)
I cracked open the book, breathing in the delicious smell of new books. The word deliscious makes me think something is edible and tasty, not exactly a word I'd use ...
Jan 11, 2008 -
Re: Thomas Pinewood & The Grail Of Champions: 2.2 Magic Surp
“That, is a stick,” he retorted as Charlie [s]dropped[/s] instantly dropped his smug expression. You have dropped in there twice, fix this so it makes sense? It seems rather short ...
Jan 11, 2008 -
Re: Pinky Swears
Oooo, I like this. It reminds me of something I wrote awhile ago, lol. I like the anger expressed. Fight was mispelled, might want to fix that. I think it's ...
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: Valentine's Day Sucks: 5/6
Ooooo, I'm excited for the finale :-P. Where did the narrator's mean tone go? I missed it :(, lol. I was kinda confused @ first about Ethan gettin cold, you ...
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: Valentine's Day Sucks: 4/6
This was a little short, and a liitle too-much-information, but still good. Thing that bugged me: The Main character (don't hate me but I forgot his name), says "...because you ...
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: Valentine's Day Sucks: 2/6
“She’s so good that I heard she could paint with her pussy,” So... Well I couldn't picture a gay guy saying that! I completely disagree :-P. That's exactly something a ...
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: Through the Mirror /P
Damn Brad, that almost made me cry. I love it ;). Do you have a book published yet? :-P
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: The Reynolds Road Warehouse Mystery
I've read the first three chapters and here is what I think so far: You actually remind me of myself as a writer when I was younger, LOL. Writing about ...
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: Deleted
Hmmm... so much to say. First, I LOVE the opening. It is grasping and almost a societal commentary on what we are turning into. It's BEAUTIFUL. Second, "depressing blues and ...
Jan 10, 2008 -
Re: Red Wine #2
Lol, I'm somewhat confused ^_^. Why the hell is there a man in the horse? :-P The opening wasn't as funny since it was repeated, but the fact that it ...
Jan 7, 2008 -
Re: Red Wine #1
I loved it Rieda! ^_^ BEST OPENING EVER, it was extremely beautiful. Extremely funny and yet meaningful as it conveys the narrator's guilt. I was quite confused about the end ...
Jan 7, 2008
