WoW!!! that must of took out a ton of emotions. and it was well written,
It made me feel alot of emotions, and not every poem i read pulls me in like that.
Poetry is most deffinately your forte. good job!
z
Feeling angsty lately. Got a clue why?
Pinky swears
Squeeze 'em tight
Tell someone and there'll be a fight
I wish I never told you
I hear my secret words spoken
The sacred swear has been broken
This means I get to break your pinky
You told her, and now she's pissed
Forget your pinky, I'll break your fist
Don't apologize
Don't invade my space
I could just as easily break your face
WoW!!! that must of took out a ton of emotions. and it was well written,
It made me feel alot of emotions, and not every poem i read pulls me in like that.
Poetry is most deffinately your forte. good job!
The tone is very angry... do you need to talk to someone? I understand the overall idea but it conveys to the reader a very negative irony. Try again sweetheart.
The tone is consistent and the anger well conveyed. Are those lines in bold meant to be included in the poem? I'd leave the first one normal if so, or attach it to the next stanza, as it seems very disconnected.
Overall, I quite liked this - the length of the lines added punch to the meaning. My only quibble is with the rhythm; the rhyming made your longer lines seem awkward and the flow was stilted. I'd work on that - it might help if you add a bit more punctuation.
An interesting piece.
Cheers,
~bubbles
Oooo, I like this. It reminds me of something I wrote awhile ago, lol. I like the anger expressed. Fight was mispelled, might want to fix that. I think it's good. It seems just a little short, maybe make it a tad-bit longer?
Points: 640
Reviews: 19
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