“Like my wand, it’s very pointy.” Charlie bragged as he brandished it towards Thomas.
“That, is a stick,” he retorted as Charlie instantly dropped his smug expression.
Mr. Bucklin cleared his throat as they both turned to look at him. “Er…Charlie, why don’t you show young Mr. Pinewood a demonstration.”
“Sure thing dad,” he replied as William entered the dining room carrying a handful of napkins coming to a halt besides Thomas.
“Just because you can’t find a girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to torture our neighbour, and in the presence of our father no less!”
“Very funny,” Charlie replied, “and for your information I was doing a demonstration for our guest Thomas.
“Honestly it’s okay, I somewhat believe you can do, whatever, you planned on doing.”
“Even I don’t believe he could do what he planned on doing with that wand,” William added.
After a few deep breaths Charlie stretched his left hand and slowly pointed it towards the blue vase of flowers in the middle of the table. Thomas looked on in amazement as it slowly began to rise an inch off the table.
“You’re putting too much effort into it Charlie,” Mr. Bucklin muttered calmly, “you have to focus.” Suddenly the vase started moving towards the window.
“Someday Thomas maybe you can do something like this.” Charlie exclaimed with pride as he lowered his outstretched arm slightly.
“Charlie!” Mr. Bucklin said warningly as they watched it speed up just before crashing through the glass and shattering into shards on the lawn outside.
“He could have done that with a rock!” said William hotly as Mr. Bucklin sighed and left the dining room.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Okay, I really didn't find any grammatical mistakes (Although there might be some). Mostly, the storyline was so dang confusing. I've said it once and I'll say it again, you need to show not tell. What does Charlie look like, what does Thomas look like? I believe they are magicians...I think. The storyline had so many twists and turns that it made it difficult to infer or learn anything from this piece. Sorry for somewhat ripping into your story, but it's my job. I'm the Ripper.
You have dropped in there twice, fix this so it makes sense?
It seems rather short and I don't quiet think it is finished. It's more of like the opening to a story rather than a story. There seems to be quite a few characters and I don't have a good distinction between them. Such as William and Mr. Bucklin. I do, however, like the comicalness of the vase being thrown out the window. Write some more to make it longer