Deathcurrent

Awww... how sweet! I really liked how the door slaps her in the face and his response to it. That's just one the, maybe on most mortifying things that can ...

I can't see anything either, at least at this moment, shiney1! This poem is very heartwarming and very accurate. Well, I think so any way :D If only divorce didn't ...

The endless void around me, the rocky smooth and flat ground. And the cave like ceiling. Around me, high cliffs, with glowing red water flowing from cracks and crevices in ...

Awww... I like the title of your poem, The Predictable Poem. Very original, since many poems are like that. I like how you make the second and third line rhyme ...

Nice. I'm excited to read more of your story. The only comment on your writing I have is that at first you said there were only two orderlies. One pushing ...

Wow, very well put together. I was drawn in instantly from the first sentence! Ignore this next bit for a moment, other than trying to figure out what's going on, ...

Nowhere n the Bible does it say that. That’s why everyone is trying to find the Holy Grail to confirm it. That is the exact document that the Church wants ...

Wow, that's brillent. I don't have anything to say other than that I wish it was longer. It's true that you're never out of the woods. That only happens before ...

I agree with TwistedMuffins on how you should format it. It will make it easier to read for sure! I like the poem overall, though you should look for a ...

I'm not asking you to love me. I just want you to forgive My selfish idiocy. I can't get you to believe me When I say, "I'm sorry." I can't ...

Great, though it was a little confusing at the beginning. Try to use the main characters name (Ari that is) a little more often. Cut back on some of the ...

It's a interesting story, there are somethings that you should take note of though. It's a little long, making it harder on reviewers, like myself, to read. Try putting it ...

I enjoy where this is going. I hope to read more of this story, but I do have a few comments. You use pronouns a little too much. Try to ...

Very inspirational! Congrats on your win by the way. I've always had some trouble with those two. I like how you made the negative a guy and the positive a ...

This part sounds a little strange to me. Final bus? One bus comes per each day. No final buses. Then having the name in all caps then having them like ...