Published September 7, 2011
I am-
A dancer of tales,
a spinner of dreams.
I wonder- If in the sky,
the stars that twinkle so brightly,
are really like diamonds of knowledge.
I hear-
The calling of the mountians,
the singers of the seas.
I see-
The moon glowing on the garden path,
slipping in and out of focus in a dream.
I want-
To touch the silky sky,
midnight blue with the darkness of night.
I dream-
a path that leads into the halls of hell,
and the gardens of heaven.
I worry-
For the ones stuck on the ground,
not the fliers of dreams that are we.
I feel-
the air lifting me up,
tickling my toes with its soft touch.
I am-
The Shadow dancer,
the walker of the moon.
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138,356 Literary Works • 672,109 Reviews
I remember writing a poem very similar to this several years ago. I really love the concept but the formatting is a little off and the phrasing almost seem chunky, for lack of a better term.
I agree with TwistedMuffins on how you should format it. It will make it easier to read for sure! I like the poem overall, though you should look for a different name that goes with it. "The Shadow Dancer" doesn't really go with the work too well. Keep on writing! *que music*
Hello TheShadowDancer! I'm going to review your work "The Shadow Dancer" xD Lame, yes, moving on.
Over here, what I think is that you need to open up a bit. When I say this I mean, the presentation of it. If you'd do it something like-
That way, we can read it better, and giving it a prefect structure gives the prefect rhyme the finish touch.
Highlight 1: I hope you meant "then" instead of "the". If not, then it should be "then".
Highlight 2: Either you leave "Shadow" in lower case, or you bring "dancer" to the upper case.
Other than that, I found not mistakes, and I loved your discriptions. Very new and very imagnative.
I love the "tickling" part. If you could change "lifting" to something else, it would be better.
Also, at the end of each sentence, you didn't put any puntuation. You might want to check that.
But, thats that.
Well done!
*Likes it*
-TwistedMuffins.