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Hey Ducati-- I didn’t look at anyone in particular as I lent against the bar; You say he usually doesn't look at anyone, past tense, describing habit, and then you ...

Bumper. Hey Icaruss-- Rain. It is cold but not as cold as it used to be. It seems strange to start off with just one word in it's own paragraph, ...

Hey Hassan! Dialogue tags such as "he said" and "informed my dad" (from the beginning of your story) should be in the same paragraph as the dialogue. I'm not sure ...

Hey Meepster. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed it the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of ...

Mizz! So YOU are the reason why there's diaper ads around YWS! I think you should be proud. I was really baffled why they started showing up. Or maybe I'm ...

Hey Sunny! I wouldn't really be worrying about length. Some books have chapters that are like two pages, others have thirty page chapters. Styles and structures vary - and this ...

Hey Shanya! I love your avatar - the Hush Sound kick butt! But onto the review. Right off the bat, just glancing over this, it's obvious your paragraphs are much, ...

Hey Ky-- And you'd better lock up your guns to, sweetie.” Too. I'm not sure if anyone's already pointed out this typo. I noticed what Connie wrote about the third ...

Hey Stori-- I absolutely love this poem, because it is simple and sweet. And it could be vouched that there can never be enough poems about cats. The title says ...

Hey Roo! I will be your friendly neighborhood reviewer. =) This was the [s]moment that twenty-two year-old Cora Sands was incarcerated, and the[/s] day the world as she knew it ...

Hey Stori! I bristled. "Sir, I'm an executive, not a magician's helper!" You already state he's agitated, so maybe no exclamation point. It makes it seem too loud and snappish, ...

Hey Blink! You're an instructor now! The swing swings in the wind. I know you probably did this on a purpose, but I don't think it works well. Swing swings ...

Hey 200! He wandered slowly into the hallway, climbed the cramped staircase, and came to the next landing, Moya panting and wagging her tail behind him. You can split this ...

Hey 200! The house was, quite literally, falling apart. You really don't need commas here. "The house was quite literally falling apart". He had taken a taxi from the Hôtel ...

Ky -- Very experimental. But you know what, it's still amazing writing. The concepts are all very intricate, so each individual word has to be read and considered so the ...