ClaraKingofSnow

Firstly, please do not write prefaces to your work. Onwards. I like this and I don't like it. I don't like that you used a porcelain doll as the subject ...

I think either you should end it at "and he pointed my black present at me" or write a better ending. Am I right in thinking that the current ending ...

I love-love-love your first line, but the rest kind of fell apart for me. What you really want to show in the poem is passion and lust, yeah? So get ...

I like the "Dear Diary" format, but why is there a dream at the beginning? If you're going to tell us something about it in the diary entry, then omit ...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Oh geez, this is still making me laugh. "...and Bella won’t do anything but give me those freaky bedroom eyes. She’s crazy! She’s ...

Blue = my suggestions I feel a part of me is dying Yet nothing's being born anew. I just want the gift back I once had (finish here) , The ...

(I'm addressing points stanza by stanza.) You honestly think it's as simple as that? You told her lies, To cover up the truth, And you sat there and thought, "It's ...

I kind of expected some greater metaphor or more explosive ending. (Sorry, I'm not a fan of any branch of the military.) I don't like the "for"s that begin the ...

Sheesh, this is really long. Anyways, I'll just jump right to the points that I don't think have been made. I agree that your description and metaphors are very nice, ...

Hi poojaaa16! I like the idea, but for a first chapter, this is a bit bland. I know it's so cliché, but 'show, don't tell' is a good mantra to ...

My, my this is lovely. I almost forgot to stop reading. :D I don't understand the verb to lip in line 2. Perhaps a different one-syllable verb? The first line ...

This poem is a bit too commonplace for me. There's nothing really wholly unique about it. The rhyme scheme also takes away from the meaning (which also seems to be ...