Don't cry leatherneck
for I can feel your pain.
I am in the field of battle
surrounded by the weak, the insane.
Don't look away leatherneck
for there is not an escape.
The horror is embedded in us.
Keep an eye on your nape.
Don't let go leatherneck,
keep your rifle held tight.
Ghosts lurk beyond every corner,
always be prepared to fight.
Don't stop now leatherneck,
your digi's help you blend.
Red and gold cords round your neck,
it's oohrah! until the end.
Keep fighting leatherneck,
Eagle, Globe, and Anchor pin on your chest.
Semper fi, America!
Our Marines are the best.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,531 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
I kind of expected some greater metaphor or more explosive ending. (Sorry, I'm not a fan of any branch of the military.)
I don't like the "for"s that begin the second and sixth lines. You could word those differently to make the form fit your poem and not the other way around. (This also goes for the addition of "the insane", "nape", and "Ghosts lurk beyond every corner".)
That's my basic qualm with this poem: the form should fit the poem, the poem should not fit the form.
PM me if you have any questions.
-Clara
This is an awesome poem, it has a great rhythm and message; it's worded really cleverly too.
Very well written. I love the Marines.
Hey i'm not much of an expert on poetry but i think it was great! I especially liked the repetition of "Soldier" Nice storyline. Almost sounded like a song. It was very sweet and profound. The only thing is that this line
Sounds a bit awkwardly worded. "There is no escape" would sound better but i know it has a different amount of syllables. Well done