Charlii101

this is good but try and do seperate lines when ever some talks e.g "hey get back here!" Bob yelled "No!" Cindy yelled back every time some one new talks ...

Love how this can refeer to every girl one problem i find it more a poem/blog than a story try at add a personality to it and a story line ...

i don't really understand but i don't understand poetry really but really good use of devices linking it all together. try and make it more understandable for someone like me ...

keep writting keep writting keep writting this has just left me hanging off my seat i am loving the cliff hanger and it's got all that a story needs to ...

not really getting the story here i got a bit consued to the whole story line you should try and space it out abit add some feelings like romance or ...

can't believe this happened to you!! i don't really know what to put really but it's not really a story more bloggish like add some drama and more of a ...

I'm liking how the story bulids up to this devistating end really good how you played the story giving the fire a personality like it was tornting the family but ...

I understand this was rushed but you should always read through your stories first i didn't understand what this was on about at all! i didn't get the story line ...

really good loving how the story makes me want to read more and i really do want to read more write more write more!! loving how your not giving most ...

WOW! really good loving how it all connects together and you want to know more about the story! sorry but i just didn't get the ending bit i understood how ...

this story really kept me going wanting to read more but i found a few slip ups (that everyone does) which kind of pulled me away for a bit and ...

i think this is a really emotional poem it's got the right context to it and gives a bit of the story line to it enjoying how the lines weave ...

oooo loving the cliff hanger!!! i like how the story is leading up to something good (or it seems like it will) i hope it does any way, to improve ...

i liked the story line and how the story unfolds but it does go a bit too fast also i don't get who Ned and Mike are?? it got a ...

wow that is amazing attually brought me to tears! i really liked it and it gave off the empression of sorrow and regret it's got good grammer and i can't ...