I know you.

The spelling mistakes *check*
"I.LOVE.IT" *check*
"It relates to all who have had crushes" *check*
What more is there to say? Oh yes! Keep writing because we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') want to read what happens next!

SafeHouse wrote:I don't know fate works, but I do know it likes to be funny. I know that we went through three months of school before I even knew who you were, andin my defense, it's a big school. On top of that, it took me even longer to remember your name, or deleted 'even'care if you sat down with us at lunch. I know that one day it miraculously changed,get rid of the comma and put a period. Also, in my humble opinion it would be better if you gave just a quick bit about the incident or moment that your MC first started to notice him. I now know your name, I now know your face, I now know your voice, I now know you I think that the 'now know' thing got a little repetitive. I would suggest taking out all the nows. That way, you still have the repetition, but it doesn't read so long.. The I'd suggest putting in 'big' questionnow: do you know me? The answerTry a colon instead of a comma. no. But would I like you to? More than anyting I think you mean 'anything'. in the world.

I see you everyday, we share some of the same friends,Take out one of the commas and put in a semicolon. it's inevitable. But I know you don't see me, Get rid of the comma and put in a start a new sentence for 'who would?'who would?
Everyday, I feel my heart flip inside my chest, Once again, try it with a new sentence.I hear my words come out in a stutter. I know it is crazy, I don't even know you, but I feel like I do. I feel like I should.

It's before school starts and as always, there is a large group of us standing in the hallway, constantly being asked to move, but who listens? That sentence seems to run on for quite a bit. Try breaking it up at some point.No one. Out of the corner of my eye, I see you walking down the hallways, toward us, I would suggest taking out the comma after 'us' and putting ellipses instead. (Ellipses are the '...' things. Just so you know)toward me. That's when I feel the elbow in my ribs and hear the snicker of my chums, Really? Chums? I don't know you characters like you know them, but I don't think that sounds like the kind of thing your character would say."Look who it is." they tease. They know what I'm thinking, they can see my face light up. But no, you are not walking towards me, just us as a group. You stand over with your friends and make rude comments about the teacher no one likes, or the easy girl. You are just being teenage boys but I wish you were my teenage boy.I think this sentence kind of interrupts the flow of things. I would try 'You are just being a teenage boy, but I wish you were my teenage boy.

It is lunchtime, Try putting a period after lunchtime and starting a new sentence with 'we'.we are in the cafeteria, Try making this next bit a new sentence too. it's crowded, what else is new? You have entered the room, that's what. My heart is racing a million beats a second and I know my face is going red, but who cares? I am hoping you will sit over here, but when you don't, I hate it. I hate the sinking feeling that captures my heart when you don't fill up the empty chair a little to the left and across from me. My heart is wrenched, falling down to my stomach. Yet when you do sit over here, my heart soars to the sky, free as a bird, careless. I really like the opposites that aren't obviously opposites. In the first comparison, you make your heart sound like a bird. In the next bit, you actually say bird.I wish I could tell you it all, I wish you could know what I feel. I wish you could know the way you make my heart flutter, the way you make me smile, and the way you make me stutter. I wish you could know that you make me want to write a sappy love poem, that your beautiful, and that I love that your hair seems to have never seen a comb. Look what you've done, you've got me rhyming, I am writing a sappy love poem. Really? A poem? Don't you think that's kind of cliche?

It's after school, classes are done, I race up to my locker on the third floor and back down to the first, where yours is located. I walk casually down the hallway, hoping to catch one last glimpse of you before I go home. Someting to tide me over until the next morning. As my eyes fall upon your signature jacket and your deep eyes, I am thankful for how many friends I have with lockers in this hallway, the perfect excuse. There is a small smile on my face, on my lips and in my eyes, but I know you don't see it. Why would you notice me now?

If there is anything I know, it's that you are always on my mind and forever on my heart. I know that I'm a fool, I'm lovesick, I'm crazy, that's it, that's all. Boy, you drove me to this crazy, you drive me crazy. You don't know be, but I know you, and I'm crazy in love.

I am a little bit confused as to whether you know him or not because at first you say you do and then you change your mind. Other than that your connectives are used really well! xx

I just want to say that i can really relate to this. You understand the emotions and put them across in a really ,well, understanding way ^.^ It's great for a first draft but if you really want to improve and turn this into something serious then i would brush up on the spelling and the few mistakes that have been spotted by the above commentors.

Keep writing x

No offense, but my opinion of this piece is different then the others. I didn't really like it.

You have excellent potential. I enjoyed the common thread through the storyline, the 'I know you' fraction which is a pretty big thing after all it is what you titled the story. It gives the impression of the story being complete. Though even then, you used it quite often, almost too often and kind of takes away the emotional part of it. Sometimes you threw it in there when it didn't make quite so much sense, and you liked to contradict yourself. For example; right in the beginning you had this line;

I know that one day it miraculously changed, I now know your name, I now know your face, I now know your voice, I now know you.

I know it is crazy, I don't even know you, but I feel like I do. I feel like I should.

LauRux wrote:This idea isn't unique or original at all

HWOW! I know a lot had already said this, but I'm going to say it all over again anyway. I.LOVE.THIS and I COULD RELATE TO THIS TOO, making me love it all the more.
So this style is fresh. I like it. It's so realistic. *likes*
Anyway, keep writing and tell us if you're posting another one, okay?

-KAT <3

I really liked this. I think it's something every girl out there can relate to. Corrections are bolded

SafeHouse wrote:I don't know fate works, but I do know it likes to be funny. I know that we went through three months of school before I even knew who you were (In my defense, it is a big school) . On top of that, it took me even longer to remember your name, or even care if you sat down with us at lunch. I know that one day it miraculously changed, I now know your name, I now know your face, I now know your voice, I now know you. The question is, do you know me? The answer, no. But would I like you to? More than anyting in the world.

I see you everyday, we share some of the same friends, it's inevitable. But I know you don't see me, who would?
Everyday, I feel my heart flip inside my chest, I hear my words come out in a stutter. I know it is crazy, I don't even know you, but I feel like I do. I feel like I should.

It's before school starts and as always, there is a large group of us standing in the hallway, constantly being asked to move, but who listens? No one. Out of the corner of my eye, I see you walking down the hallways, toward us, toward me. That's when I feel the elbow in my ribs and hear the snicker of my chums. "Look who it is," they tease. They know what I'm thinking, they can see my face light up. But no, you are not walking towards me, just us as a group. You stand over with your friends and make rude comments about the teacher no one likes, or the easy girl. You are just being teenage boys but I wish you were my teenage boy.

It is lunchtime, we are in the cafeteria, it's crowded, what else is new? You have entered the room, that's what. Side note: I really liked this line My heart is racing a million beats a second and I know my face is going red, but who cares? I am hoping you will sit over here, but when you don't, I hate it. I hate the sinking feeling that captures my heart when you don't fill up the empty chair a little to the left and across from me. My heart is wrenched, falling down to my stomach. Yet when you do sit over here, my heart soars to the sky, free as a bird, careless. I wish I could tell you it all, I wish you could know what I feel. I wish you could know the way you make my heart flutter, the way you make me smile, and the way you make me stutter. I wish you could know that you make me want to write a sappy love poem, that your beautiful, and that I love that your hair seems to have never seen a comb. Look what you've done, you've got me rhyming, I am writing a sappy love poem.

It's after school, classes are done, I race up to my locker on the third floor and back down to the first, where yours is located. I walk casually down the hallway, hoping to catch one last glimpse of you before I go home. Someting to tide me over until the next morning. As my eyes fall upon your signature jacket and your deep eyes, I am thankful for how many friends I have with lockers in this hallway, the perfect excuse. There is a small smile on my face, on my lips and in my eyes, but I know you don't see it. Why would you notice me now?

If there is anything I know, it's that you are always on my mind and forever on my heart. I know that I'm a fool, I'm lovesick, I'm crazy, that's it, that's all. Boy, you drove me to this crazy, you drive me crazy. You don't know me, but I know you, and I'm crazy in love.

SafeHouse wrote:I don't know fate works, but I do know it likes to be funny.Wonderful opening line- it's interesting, grabs the reader, without actually limiting your piece to some type of stereotype. Great first impression. I know that we went through three months of school before I even knew who you were,I might suggest making this two separate sentences- the rhythm is awkward. in my defense, it's a big school. On top of that, it took me even longer to remember your name, or even care if you sat down with us at lunch. I know that one day it miraculously changed, I now know your name, I now know your face, I now know your voice, I now know you. The question is, do you know me? The answer, no. But would I like you to? More than anything in the world.

I see you everyday, we share some of the same friends, it's inevitable. But I know you don't see me, who would?
Everyday, I feel my heart flip inside my chest, I hear my words come out in a stutter.What words? Do you mean whenever she talks around him at all? I would specify, as nitpicky as that seems. I know it is crazy, I don't even know you, but I feel like I do. I feel like I should.

It's before school starts and as always, there is a large group of us standing in the hallway, constantly being asked to move, but who listens? No one. Out of the corner of my eye, I see you walking down the hallways, toward us, toward me. That's when I feel the elbow in my ribs and hear the snicker of my chums, "Look who it is." they tease. They know what I'm thinking, they can see my face light up. But no, you are not walking towards me, just us as a group. You stand over with your friends and make rude comments about the teacher no one likes, or the easy girl. Honestly, he kind of sounds immature right here- not really someone interesting. Not all teenage boys talk about shallow things.You are just being teenage boys but I wish you were my teenage boy.

So, you start off by saying that you don't really care about him or anything, but that changed in one day. Then you started, and it sounded like you were going to describe that day. Then you launched in, and described how nervous you were around him and everything, as if you were already infatuated. Seems a bit odd. You never described that one day, though that seemed to be where you were going.
It is lunchtime, we are in the cafeteria, I'd make these two separate sentences. it's crowded, what else is new? You have entered the room, that's what. My heart is racing a million beats a second and I know my face is going red, but who cares? I am hoping you will sit over here, but I would do either "I hope that you'll sit over here, and when you don't, I hate it." or I hope that you'll sit over here, but you don't. I hate it.when you don't, I hate it. I hate the sinking feeling that captures my heart when you don't fill up the empty chair a little to the left and across from me. My heart is wrenched, falling down to my stomach. Yet when you do sit over here,So did he just change seats? Or is this is a past experience- clarify. I know what you mean, but it sounds awkward. my heart soars to the sky, free as a bird, careless. I wish I could tell you it all, I wish you could know what maybe "how" instead of "what"? I feel. I wish you could know the way you make my heart flutter, the way you make me smile, and the way you make me stutter. I wish you could know that you make me want to write a sappy love poem, that your you're beautiful, and that I love that your hair seems to have never seen a comb. Look what you've done, you've got me rhyming,Another sentence. I am writing a sappy love poem.

It's after school, classes are done, Separate sentences.I race up to my locker on the third floor and back down to the first, where yours is located. I Switch "casually" and "walk" for it to flow a bit smoother.walk casually down the hallway, hoping to catch one last glimpse of you before I go home. Someting to Maybe "hold" instead of "tide"?tide me over until the next morning. As my eyes fall upon your signature jacket and your deep eyes, I am thankful for how many friends I have with lockers in this hallway,Maybe "who make a perfect excuse"? the perfect excuse. There is a small smile on my face, on my lips and in my eyes, but I know you don't see it. Why would you notice me now?

If there is anything I know, it's that you are always on my mind and forever on my heart. I know that I'm a fool, I'm lovesick, I'm crazy, that's it, that's all. Boy, you drove me to this crazy, you drive me crazy. You don't know be?, but I know you, and I'm crazy in love.

This idea isn't unique or original at all, but somehow I couldn't stop reading! You made it so relate-able. Any girl (or boy) knows what it feels like to have a crush, and you captured the feeling well!

My only critique is that I wish there had been some sort of exchange of dialogue between the MC and her crush in the end. I want more .

Anyway, Good job!

This is an amazing story (well as it has been said before it isn't really a story but still good!) and it is easy to reate to. It deserves every like that it recieved and has earned a spot on the Featured Works. Keep up the good work an who knos how many more featured spots you will get.
-Jem

Finally! A realistic love story! But, here goes my reply... OH EM GEE I love it!!!!!!!!!!:D Great detail, great description, great everything! There are a few spelling errors, but the awesomeness of the whole poem overpowers the spelling errors. Amazing job!!!!!!!!

Hey, welcome to YWS!

I don't know fate works, but I do know it likes to be funny.

I now know your name, I now know your face, I now know your voice, I now know you.

I hear my words come out in a stutter. I know it is crazy, I don't even know you, but I feel like I do. I feel like I should.

I wish I could tell you it all, I wish you could know what I feel. I wish you could know the way you make my heart flutter, the way you make me smile, and the way you make me stutter. I wish you could know that you make me want to write a sappy love poem, that your beautiful, and that I love that your hair seems to have never seen a comb. Look what you've done, you've got me rhyming, I am writing a sappy love poem.

You don't know be, but I know you, and I'm crazy in love.

Does somebody maybe want to point out my spelling errors? I am terrible at editing my own work in that sense.

Well, I couldn't quite figure out whether it was a girl or boy talking. And I loved all the descriptions but I got lost in it all. I thought it was pretty good, but you leave the reader confused. What happens? I know if readers are like me, you have to write more. If this is going to be short story give some back detail abou the character.(possibly gender). I do love your ability to describe everything with such depth. But at some points I was trying to figure out what the character was describing and got lost with the plot. I woul love if you just elaborated a little more on the plot, set, character etc. But other than that what you have so far is prettyyy good

Hiya! Okay, I totally relate to this. You have no idea how much I relate to this. Seriously. Anyhoo, I would just work on spelling... that's probably the biggest error in this. I really enjoy this because it doesn't just show how you feel, it shows how EVERY girl feels. This was great!
Keep writing,
~Luxy

Love how this can refeer to every girl
one problem i find it more a poem/blog than a story try at add a personality to it and a story line but other wise i think it's really good we get to know what the writter is thinking and feeling i'm liking the bounce to it an how this person writting this goes on how crazy she is about a simple guy
kepp going really goood!!

Wow, you have no idea how much I can relate to this...
I really love this piece, it flows well, it's well-written, and to top it all off, it's real. I can tell right off the bat that you're speaking from the heart, and that's what gives your writing its power; YOU feel it, so WE feel it, and that's just awesome!

I. LOVE. THIS. It's just so realistic. And the description blows me away. This is written so beuatifully. But, be sure to re-read this because you have many mistakes (spelling). Other than that, it blows me away.
Keep Writing!
Nike
PM me anytime, and maybe when you add another part!