Cameron

While still rough, perhaps this is a decent alternative. Also, not all poetry is meant to instruct Colleen, and beauty without meaning is beauty nonetheless. What is the point? I'm ...

I enjoyed this very much. One suggestion: lose/replace "Inspiration seeps into my fingers". It's overused and out of place in a poem that prides itself on new insights.

a thousand vacuums away. The word vacuum sticks out like a sore thumb and it instantly distracted me. I suggest you find a word more suiting that can't be interpreted ...

Is the poem better without the 5th stanza? the mountain towers unrelentingly past all man’s earthly claims. we are dying; becoming rocklike, stonily indifferent to the mountain’s trial. our minds ...

Alrighty, the second stanza is gone, but I couldn't find it in my heart to forfeit all of it, so I combined parts of it in the last stanza. Better?

Presenting the first revision. Still needs some work, but I've tried to make the stanza's connections more evident. While the last stanza may seem confusing, its based upon the synaesthesia ...

Thanks a bunch Xanthan. Honestly though, my poetry usually does start with an unplanned tangent. I'm glad it came together by the end. I think a change would be good. ...

*Revised

Apartment 6 was in desperate need of painting. The two bedroom apartment was on the second floor of a building in a small discounted part of the neighborhood. The old ...

More! I want more...I think you need at least one more stanza to tie it off. As is, it seems unfinished.

Hopefully these changes at least help the flow of the poem, and perhaps make it slightly less tedious. Colleen, the sixth of March was the day that Michelangelo was born. ...

In response to your PM: Here, where the weather seldom matches the name of the town, I look skyward and wonder what lies beyond the clouds. I wonder if I ...

I've modified my approach to the topic, and while it still might be lacking the "wow" factor, I hope it is a step in the right direction. Your thoughts?

The thing with poetry is that punctuation is flexible. Punctuation and format is all an instrument used to better convey your message, your metaphors, etc, etc. The lack of capitualization ...

In the hush of long distance, I offered up my bouquet of clumsy words before the final click, and Hopefully, this stanza at least partially prepares the reader for the ...