Brian

I didn't like the last two stanzas, but the first three were well done. Nice contrasting, and good rhyming.

Which part? If you mean the part about squinting... ""Deep within the black stone pit, Lillian stirred, squinting up at the unfamiliar brightness" " You have two clauses here. One ...

You used the word chortle! That's tight. This poem is great. Loved the first stanza, especially the LCD screens part, and your descriptions are vivid and unusual. Great job.

Take out the hyphen in the first line. Also, the last line comes rather abruptly. Other than that, pretty good. The first three lines are really good, and it's an ...

I hate to say this, but I don't get it. Maybe if I spent more than five minutes contemplating it I could, but I don't get what you're getting at. ...

This was pretty good! You need to do some proofreading (you got prior spelled as pryor in one part), but it's no biggie. You got good dialogue and a good ...

Really good. Didn't care for the last stanza and the line "Silence" though. They're both rather abrupt and seem to just detract from the poem. But, I liked it a ...

Awesome! Only part I didn't like was the "Once upon a time" line. Other than that, loved it.

Wow, I liked this a lot! The poem gently flows kind of like silk, and the words just roll off the tongue. Very beautiful.

I thought that this was really well done. It seemed like to me a series of flash fiction, but all were pretty much about the same story.

I thought this was great. The characters were well thought out and I was able to manifest them in my mind quite easily. Plus the dialogue was done extraordinarily well. ...

Good. Not really a poem, not really a story, which is why I suspect you placed it here. I liked this, describing your life through CD format. It's a good ...

By the way, you may notice I changed the character's main name from Matthew Hammer to Ryan Austin. Anyways, comments are welcomed and feel free to rip apart to pieces ...

Thanks everyone! I'll go ahead and make the changes everyone suggested, and I also have the second chapter done for your reading pleasure. I have the third done as well, ...

This is the first chapter to a book I'm writing, so it's not done yet. But, I want to know what people think of it thus far. Also, does anyone ...