Boni_Bee

This was good, but there's something about it I don't like...and I can't work out what it is :? I think it needs a bit more emotion (whatever emotion cheese ...

Payday Payday comes around again But Only Once a week I'm sitting staring thinking Whys the world so bleak The start was good, but the last line sort of fell ...

You look deep in my eyes, And still can't see my pain. You say you need me for strength, And everything will be okay someday. That one didn't ryme in ...

Nice!!! :) I think some of the stanza's could be a be longer, and the short, abruptness takes the feeling out of it, but I think it's a nice poem, ...

Cool!!! I didn't get the paragraph about when the boy close the curtains, but the rest of it was great! :D I like Ness, she's an interesting character, but I'd ...

Hmmm....it's good, but some of the lines are a bit too long, and overall it's a bit longwinded, but I like the idea, and some of the lines are good ...

Great!!! :) One thing...you could say 'chin on her hand' rather than 'hand under her chin', if you get what I mean... :) Anyway, another good chapter, although there wasn't ...

That was harsh, Icaruss!!! :? It is only a story written by a kid, but that'd doesn't mean it's trash... I think it's cool, although it needs some improvements

This was an audacious piece! Quite interesting. I wouldn't want to meet your character! It was abrupt, but that gave it a sense of a detatched insaneness Interesting! :)

wow, that's really nice!!! Very poetic, but not as tho it's a poem, if you know what I mean :? lol...great job :)

The second part was confusing, about the boys, but....I liked it all the same. :) It's interesting! :wink:

Nice story :) A couple of spelling mistakes, but overall very good. Is there any more? :) There could be a bit more emotion in it, but don't overdo it. ...

I like it! :) The beginning is a bit cliche, as it's a scenario that happens a lot, but it certainly had me interested when we got to the air ...

It's...interesting! :? I don't know what to crit, but I thought it was pretty good. The first bit, when she was called lots of times, went a bit drawn out...

Yeah, same as what Eloere said :) It's a great story. The first paragraph made me go...'oh, another one of those', but I kept reading, and it had me wanting ...