Blink

200397 seems to have got a lot of the grammar feedback, so I'll just skip forward into the story and I think the rest can be sorted out with a ...

First off, welcome to YWS! Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself over in the community area? This thread is a little empty :) But, mostly because it's such ...

Alrighty =P Anne walked briskly along the cobbled streets, holding her thin cloak tightly against her as protection against the biting October wind. I don't like this--not the end part, ...

Hullo. ^^ Why must you be so far away? where stars and sky is all we share. Sort this out: get rid of that question mark and replace the full ...

Hello, Castles. Thought I'd started reviewing these, for you. They looked like smouldering tea, pools of light flitting inside the liquid brown. There is an unusual viewpoint change in this. ...

Heya ^^ The sun was starting to rise as I shuddered awake with a massive headache that violently shook my brain. Woah, idea overload. Split this up: "As a headache ...

Hey :) I thought I'd clear a few things up, first; remember that an archetype is not the same as a cliché. Archetypes are the fundamental basis of all stories--a ...

Hey :) When you write an essay, how do you start it? Do you put, "In this essay..."? Because it's dull and patronising, just like, when writing fiction, you should ...

Hey! All his life he had feared death as a cold, damp plague eating away at a defenseless =defenceless? victim. This is awkwardly put, and the lack of correct grammar ...

You have not reviews yet? The wind ripples the plastic bag half covering the pile of old books. First off, refine it to: "The wind ripples the plastic bag, half-covering ...

Hello! I've become fairly bored of giving nitpicks recently, so I'll go into the story. Firstly, I'd like to go over: Showing vs Telling You open with a small description ...

Hey! I just wanted to say, that it's a 2:1 ratio on reviews:submissions on YWS. You've posted a few pieces, so it's pushing it a bit, no? As soon as ...

Alright, Commando? Be careful about what you write, including the words you use, and all the rest. For example: Claustrophobic dust completely overwhelmed any living creature residing in its powerful ...

Hey! You gave me a review for something terrible some time back, and I never repaid you for it. :) Nitpicks have been done to death, but for a reason--you ...

Heya! Woah, I took far too long getting to this. landmark, around here, Nitch the first comma. Be sure to proofread--you'll get a lot more indepth reviews if you read ...