BFG

"My teddy bear was used when I was young, it was cuddled close to me, but now I am older, and I don't need it anymore." ...or the rhyme scheme. ...

Really like it, particularly the end. Not crazy about the super-short-lines style -- I feel like it counters the building pressure of the dam metaphor. Also, I think it might ...

Hmm. I like what you're playing with here, but I think you're falling into a trap I often wind up in, which is loving the sounds the words make so ...

Love the style! And you pull it off well, as both pieces sound very natural. But I wonder if it's really the topic you most want to explore? (I'm for ...

Really like the "candies, crystallized" part. Made me think of crystallized ginger (yum!). One qualm I had with this was the use of "like" as a noun in the first ...

Love the modern take on an old goodie! The details like the rusted pallet knife and the "Great Gods!" exclamation (although "gods" shouldn't be capitalized) really made it come to ...

I like this. I like that this isn't one of those stories where the woman just retreats inside, letting the man think he's in control while secreting her emotions away ...

Not my favorite kind of story but very well executed. Only I think, were it me, that I would end it before the children come along. Maybe with the bus ...

Hmm. An interesting seed of an idea, but I feel like it could be developed a little differently to cut out some of the cliches... or at least to bring ...

Haha, awesome! Can't wait to read more (which I hope is coming?). Love the details (Gary Schmidt, professional geologist) and how short and pithy the letters are without seeming unnatural ...

Wow, this is really powerful. I love the "plastic into gold" part, and the second-to-last bit and while I am trying to find myself in this world, you have already ...

Hey there! One thing I liked about this poem was your use of capitalization. You've got it dead on with the "Bus," "Sun" and "Sunshine", it seems. I agree with ...

Hey there, screamandshout! So... there was a lot I liked about this poem. My favorite part was They can't see the beauty, I even have my doubts. I liked that ...

I agree with Kyllorac. The last part was really powerful, particularly the last stanza, but almost the entire rest of the poem was so stuffed with abstract words or concepts ...

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! Ok, so what struck me first were the typos and spelling/grammar glitches. Honestly. I'm not just being nit-picky--they get in the way here. Make sure ...