Azila

Well, Seraph pretty much said everything I would have said. Style: The writing style is a little too stiff and almost "text-book-ish" if you know what I mean. The readers ...

But anyways, Great work! I want to read more of this! Do read more of it, then! The first and second chapters are posted here in Other Fiction. ~Azila~ Part ...

This is really good, Cat! I love the way you show her inner warecat... and like bigbad said, the way you blend action and description gives a perfect picture while ...

Wow. This is really powerful. I'm not sure I understand the deal with his eyes, so you might want to elaborate a bit more on that --assuming, of course that ...

Oh my goodness! I can so relate! I'm a ballet dancer myself. I have a few suggestions --the only main one being that you space out your paragraphs more, like ...

Very promising! Truly, I definitely think you should continue with this if you can. I have a few minor, nit-picky suggestions. There’s a place, known [s]most commonly[/s] to many of ...

Wow. You are so talented. The descriptions and characters are incredibly vivid. I love the way you showed her personality change, too. The only major problem that humble me noticed ...

This is too short to critique fully, so that might be why you haven't gotten any comments yet. Overall it's pretty good. You have an odd formatting (with one sentence ...

[Okay, I wrote this before everyone left comments and I didn't rewrite it after coming back to it. Please excuse me if I'm saying things people have already said :roll:] ...

Akk! Icaruss beat me to it! Oh well, here's what I would have written... Very intriguing and well written. Really! I can't find much wrong with it except that you ...

Ahhh... I was thinking something along those lines. A way you might want to clarify that (if you get "unlazy" as you put it) is to start out with the ...

This was really funny! Overall, I don't think it was my favorite piece of your work either, but it's pretty good. I don't have any big corrections --characters, description, settings, ...

Very interesting! It's a wonderful idea, but I think it could have been executed a tad better in places. It might just be me (very possible, mind), but I got ...

This is a very well written and touching little piece. I could only find a few things that could use changing... Row after row of uniform headstones, sit there watching, ...

It's very good! :smt023 You do a lot of showing rather than telling, which is a very positive thing. It might just be me, but I kind of started drifting ...