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141,310 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
You have a talent with building up suspense. I liked that. You have some nice descriptions and derail, also. I didn't notice any errors, so yet another plus.
Good work. Keep writing.
Suspenseful!
I thought you did very well with this and I can understand why you won first place in the contest.
However, I agree with Azlla and think you should have a more exciting hook. You need to grab the reader and pull them in. Not just slowly bring them to the climax. If you do that, they loose interest.
Hope I could help!
It's very good!
You do a lot of showing rather than telling, which is a very positive thing. It might just be me, but I kind of started drifting in the first paragraph and, even though it got a LOT more intriguing as it went on, the first paragraph should hook the reader. I think a good way to fix it would be to break up that really long sentence?
First sentence: I think that because you haven't described the woods yet, it would be better to say "the".
Second sentence: The bold words are the ones that I changed. And do break that sentence up a bit. I can't suggest anything because I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say, so you'll have to work on that by yourself.
This isn't a grammatically complete sentence. What (or who) is the shadow? It is the thing that's chasing you? You need to specify... nice simile, though
Yeah, I'm not a fan of using ellipses (...) in literature, especially at the end of a paragraph.
You're doing a bit of telling here. Why don't you showus that you're alarmed rather than just telling it?
That period being underlined means that I think you should delete it. --Oh, and try not to use "suddenly" at the beginning of a sentence unless you absolutely have to.
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Other than those little things, very nice! For the most part it was grammatically and spellingly (i don't think that's a word, but oh well) sound--not to mention a thoroughly enjoyable and creepy story!
The only major thing is fixing the first paragraph, which should be easy to do.
Keep up the good work!
~Azila~