Fly Dragon

Well, Seraph pretty much said everything I would have said.

Style:
The writing style is a little too stiff and almost "text-book-ish" if you know what I mean. The readers need to climb inside Robyn's mind. Of course, I understand that this is just a prologue, but I think that you should have all of the prologue be about her childhood. The first chapter can begin with "When she became a teenager..." I think that would flow better.

Idea:
I'm very sorry to say, but from this small sample it doesn't seem terribly original. I mean there are lots of stories about little girls with big imaginations --take Ann of Green Gables for example. Of course, this IS juts the prologue and it could change as the story goes on.

Overall:
I think it has a lot of potential, but you really need to work on trying to make the writing style a little less dry.

Keep up the good work, and please PM me when you post Chapter 1!!

Hope this helps!

~Azila~

Hi ^o^V

The town was intensely quiet; the only sounds were the steady hum of traffic in the distance and the occasional footsteps on the pavement. All was so still and silent that six-year-old Robyn Magiko had to stifle a laugh. She laughed at the town, at the predictability of it all, so many ordinary people all living their ordinary lives. In her mind, Robyn could conjure things that were totally extraordinary and unreal.

Hm. The language seems to be a bit stiff, lots of unneeded description. Also, the Robyn sounds a little too mature for her age. I suggest you make her older. 8- 10 would be good I think.

Robyn enjoyed playing make-believe, and often disappeared into fantasy worlds. She was very creative for her age, as she could conjure fairy-tale lands where she would play with her friends, or they would be fearsome pirates aboard a magnificent pirate ship, sailing through the sea. Robyn had also formed a club called ‘The Believers’ and they played make-believe, ate chocolate chip cookies and shared stories. Her best friend was a boy called Dave, and he was also a great believer in fantasy worlds, Dave always came to her club The Believers and the two of them were very close. Her mum was always saying they were inseparable; and they were.

Hm. Here, it sounds like an autobiography. A little to much "she did this." It's hard to feel for her, because she sounds like a maniacal little girl. I think you should add dialogue, or a situation where it shows that she and Dave are obviously friends. :D:D Also, this paragraph is really long. I suggest you break it up.

Robyn couldn't sleep so she decided to have some fun and make believe a fantasy land. Robyn had big green eyes that shone like emeralds. She shut them tight and imagined. An idea began to form in her mind

The part about her eyes is not relevant to the situation. You could have her look in the mirror before she closes her eyes, having some memory of someone saying what lovely eyes she has... or whatever :D

She was in the future, where spaceships whizzed through the sky, buildings were imposing, covered in tiny windows and machines walked the streets of her fantasy world, taller than any human. Robyn was speeding through the air in the most amazing flying spaceship. She threw her head back and laughed. Giggling happily she looked out of the window.

Again, the imagery is too mature for her age. I suggest you use simpler language when she is describing something. The last two sentences don't flow very well together. The description in them is almost contradicting.

Far below she saw cafes, hotels and people’s homes; there was even a cinema with films showing that hadn't even been made yet. It was a fantastic sight. Robyn felt exhilarated. Although it was all made up, she sometimes wondered if all this would someday be real and not just part of her imagination. She believed this with all her heart, even though she knew it was probably impossible. She would be able to touch the vehicles in her future world, not just imagine them -the thought excited her.

Here there is two contradictory feelings. First she's happy, then she randomly thinks it's impossible, then excited again.

“Robyn, are you asleep?” came her dad’s voice. Robyn suddenly came out of her fantasy world and everything in her land melted away. She was sitting on her bed, with her dolls’ houses next to her, back in the ordinary world. Robyn climbed under her light blue duvet and closed her eyes. She heard the door creak open. Howard Magiko watched Robyn for a second. He smiled knowing that she wasn't asleep at all. Then he said,
“Goodnight Robyn, I’ll see you in the morning.” He closed the door and Robyn eventually fell asleep, dreaming peaceful dreams of her future world

Take out the "he said." stuff and make a knew paragraph with each bit of dialogue. Also, we need to know why Robyn would freak out if her father doesn't mind her daydreaming.
"Dreaming peaceful dreams" sounds bad. "Dreaming peacefully" would work

When she became a teenager and grew to enjoy the normal things of a normal life Robyn’s fantasies began to fade.

However, everyone who has ever make believed retains the ability. Unbeknown to her, the spark in Robyn would lead her to triumphs, sorrows and fantastic adventures that most people can only imagine.

The is quite the sfortzando. You had a nice crescendo throughout the piece, but this change is too sudden.

Overall:

I think we need more history of Robyn, besides her daydreaming. We need to know if it gets her in trouble, if people care, if she has friends. For example, her parents sound like they think "AW.... look she's daydreaming again..." Which sounds quite far fetched.

Basically, your work sounds like a list of everything that has happened to her, with a littl blurb of how she is normal when she gets older.

I suggest you look at some of the work by younger authors here. I think it will help with your voice. Also, I recommend the books "Charlotte's Web" and "To kill a Mocking Bird," because they are very much about growing up. :D:D:D

Thats all I have to say :D:D:D:D:D:D