Audy

eeee I dunno if the stuff I posted on here is much to look at unfortunately. BUT I will have a more polished, better version up *eventually* I actually do ...

8D

No problem! I think it depends on what you are going for. As a writer, do you want readers to sympathize and relate with the speaker and feel as the ...

Carlito Thank you so much for your review and thoughts! I meant to comment earlier and I got stuck doing laundry.

Thanks Rosey! I knew there was some fuzz, just couldn't quite place where and to what degree so this has been helpful for my edits. I wrote it about a ...

EEEE THANK YOU! 8D I am glad the eye thing is cringey. Your suggestion with the pain is super helpful. I went back and added a bit more of Moya's ...

AHHHH, Thank you! I've fixed up some of the more obvious grammar errors and the speech. I LOVED your suggestion with the mantra, I think that will give it a ...

AHHH!

I am glad you liked the names! I think it took me DAYS of mulling over babynames and NOTWRITING to come up with them, hahaha! I am also glad the ...

1.2 follows straight on from 1.1, but with an asterisk separating *** because there is indeed a passage of time. I did also worry about the flow/transition. The "Moya lay ...

Awesome! I am glad this feels easier to read as far as sci-fi stories go! I think in the flashback she may have been 14-15, and in the story she ...

I am always SO bad at emotions, thanks so much for that insight. It is so good to see where and how, because I intend to go back and add ...

Bluuuue ahhhhhhhh heh. /teaser /selfpromotion

Haha. Thanks Occy I am not offended at all, in fact I definitely appreciate your honesty! I'll be working on that hook and my sentence flow for sure. I am ...