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18+ Mature Content

The Demon Truth (Excerpt from Luneset novel)

by Audy


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

AN: Just a lazy excerpt from my novel, one of those "stories within a stories" or folklore kind of stories, so it stands alone :) But some background: Fiel Montroy has a chance to ask Luterogan (a man revived from the dead) what happens after a person dies. Liander stops her before she intervenes. They sit and have a chat.

Liander indicated to the space across from him, motioning for Fiel to sit. To a bystander, he would seem every bit the gentleman, but Fiel knew better. She glanced at him suspiciously before slowly setting herself down. As if on cue, he unceremoniously propped his legs atop the bench across from him. Why would he do that? Fiel fidgeted in her seat, glancing around uncomfortably. She noticed the grimace from the innkeep and blushed. He knows this bothers me. This is why he behaves this way.

“Fancy an ale?” He did not wait for her response before he poured himself a glass, and then one glass for her, as though nothing were out of the ordinary. He had this knack of seeming completely oblivious to how others respond around him. Yet, sitting so close to him now, Fiel noticed he seemed paler than usual, his face more haggard and worn than she remembered. For the first time, his jet hair--normally perfectly coiffed and slicked back-- had more flecks of grey than she remembered.

She made no motion to drink. Meanwhile, Liander gulped down his entire glass before he spoke again. His eyes met hers, and she saw in them a sparkle. Fiel dropped her gaze, stumbling over her own flurry of objections, but he interrupted her--

“You remind me of that traveler, in that story,” he said, a wicked smile pulling at the side of his lips. Ugh. She hated him.

“I am not here to listen to another one of your moronic stories. Now--if that’s all you invited me for--” Fiel stood up from her seat, but she could not leave. Not with Liander’s legs propped up against the bench-blocking her exit.

“You’re going to see Luterogan again.” The way he said it, it was a statement, but the tone he said it in was a command. You cannot. You cannot see Luterogan again. The man infuriated her more than anything else. She could not understand why Liander would not say what he means. Everything had to be some kind of riddle.

“What’s that to you?” Fiel snapped. “I have every right to see him if I wish.”

“You know it’s rude to leave an offer of drink unfinished.” He indicated towards the glass of ale.

“What do you want from me?”

“Have a drink. It won’t kill you.” Knowing him, he might have drugged it.

“Are you really going to tell me another story?”

“It’s not a story. It’s history--back before there were cities--”

Fiel groaned. “Yes. Yes of course you are.”

“Back before there were Priests and Priestesses protecting the masses in their sanctuaries, there were only villages scattered throughout the wilderness. Amidst that wilderness--the people used to believe demons walked among the moss.

“So, here comes this traveler--not unlike yourself--visiting a village just like this one and the traveler comes upon a comfy inn that served goats and cheese and a meat stew with warm buns and butter and the coldest pint of beer--nothing like they serve in this slop here.” Liander was unmistakably loud at the last point. Fiel felt herself red in the face for even being associated with him.

“But he came upon the news that although this village was cheery, it had within it a sad kind of truth. The townsfolk were quick to warn him of the news at sundown. Here, a horde of demons would come and attack anyone who would dare disturb them in the night.

“Anybody caught walking the streets at night would be gobbled up by demons. It didn't matter if they were working, or talking, or moving, or making any noise--in fact, any soul who would so dare be awake by sundown--that would be enough to disturb the demons. Such a person would be dead, or worse--possessed by the next morning.

“So as a precaution against the demons, the whole village would share in a communal glass of mossmilk before bed. They would be knocked out for the whole night. A dreamless, undisturbed sleep, before they all awake together by daybreak, safe and sound.”

Fiel eyed her glass suspiciously.

“Now, the traveler was well traveled. He never saw demons before and so he never believed in them. But he also believed that when in a new place- you practice what the locals did and so he went along with it for many nights. And soon, it became normal. Before sundown, he’d take the mossmilk- and by daybreak, he’d awake and have a grand old time. But that wasn’t enough for the traveler.

“For you see, the traveler noticed that upon the next morning, things weren’t quite how the townsfolk had left them the following night. Things were disappearing. Crops were dying. He started to notice a pattern…

“Every night they went to sleep by the mossmilk, by the next morning, they would be one pig short. Or somebody’s harvest was burned. Or somebody’s house got trashed.

“The traveler began to suspect that this arbitrary curfew set about by the Elder folks of the village was all a scam. That it wasn’t demons walking about the night--but bandits taking advantage of the vulnerability of the villagers and exploiting them. How could the Elders allow this to happen? They were complicit in it! By winter, soon there were no rolls. No beer. No stew. And the villagers grew hungry.

“So, one night, when he couldn’t stand it anymore- he set about a clever plan, this traveler in revealing the Elder’s injustices. One night, as the entire village went about drinking their mossmilk, the traveler secretly pretended to drink his portion, but spit it out in a nearby plant when nobody was looking. He went off to bed earlier than the other villages, claiming he was tired. 

“Yet, what he was really doing was hiding himself among the rafters of the innkeep where he could overlook the outside center square and witness for himself these so-called bandits terrorizing the night. He waited there for a while yet. Until by the stroke of midnight, he finally saw it--but not at all what he had expected to see…

“There really were demons! Except he could not believe his eyes. There were thousands and thousands of them. All of them vulgar creatures, like deformed humans, some of them with two heads, or some of them with wings, with horns, with multiple arms and scales or serpant necks.

“But all of them completely naked, with all their bobs and bits. All of them partying outside, making strange and upsetting noises. Eating all of the available food and flaunting all the functions and every inch of their bodies...

“It was an orgy of demons, Fiel…” Liander said, blankly. Just in case she didn’t get it. Fiel sighed, finally acquiescing and taking a deep drink of her ale, hiding her face as much as she could help herself.

“Anyway, there were all of them out there just doing awful, awful things with each other and spawning more and more demons. And this Traveler was transfixed. In one night, he witnessed horrors he had never before witnessed in his life. But something happened…

“See, this traveler was not alone. He had stayed in that village long enough to befriend the locals, long enough to fall in love himself with one of the village girls. And it was precisely this woman he loved, who had listened to his doubts, who had encouraged him in his investigation, who had noticed his sneaking out when no one else had, who had followed his actions in spitting out her own drink, so that she might join him up on the rafters that night, and witnessed what he himself had witnessed.

“And it was in that moment, while he stood frozen, that this woman got up and screamed. And the demons, sensing her humanity, pounced on her, stealing her away--”

“Enough!” Fiel said, slamming her glass down upon the table. “Why are you telling me this--?”

“Fiel, you’re embarking towards the unknown just as the traveler in the story who starts out with intentions of justice and helping out the villagers. See, the traveler had hoped the truth was something he can handle. 

“That if he armed himself with the knowledge of what was really happening, he might be able to change his circumstances and help the villagers. He knew hope itself was not enough to change anything, so he mistakenly believed seeking the truth would be a better weapon.

“But truth is a demon, Fiel. Knowing about the demons--seeing them brought him no closer to a solution. No closer to changing the fate of the villagers, or uprooting their society. But the truth changed him. And one day, you are going to have to ask yourself if you would be stupid enough to want to change everything you think you know about yourself.

“Would you sacrifice yourself -- your identity -- your loved ones -- for truth? Would you spread it to others to give them such an evil choice? Or would you drink the mossmilk. Force yourself to live your life and forget in happy bliss… and why is that a bad thing?

It was at that moment Liander got up, holding her wrist in his hand. “I’m telling you as someone who’s walked in your steps, you do not want to go after that man.”

And her hands burned, and her heart was pounding, because despite his ways, despite everything about him-- he was right. He was always right. Liander never had the capacity to not be right. His own grey eyes gleaming with the truth of a sharp edged blade.

What was she to do?  


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Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:53 pm
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CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there Auds. I'm trying to beat Bisc to the top #100 rank so let's get down to business to possibly defeat the Huns. It might not happen but we might as well try for the heck of it.

First off.

Except from Luneset

This almost bothered me enough to go use my modship powers to fix this. Almost. This was a kind of false start and a free bee for you to laugh at while I read through and get my notes together.

First serious point.
Now awhile ago when you originally posted the first bit of this novel, I meant to read it. Then once I got around to it, you already had 50 million reviews and I didn't want to make it 50 mil + 1. That would just seem distasteful. In my usual fashion of not having a clue who any of these characters are, we'll just have to take it from the top.
Liander indicated to the space across from him, motioning for Fiel to sit. To a bystander, he would seem every bit the gentleman, but Fiel knew better.

So I can see as a branch off to the main story, this might be able to catch someone's eye attention wise but for me it's just sort of 'meh'. The opening lead in is plain and even though I'm wondering what Liander did in the past to earn himself a bad reputation, it's kind of like that gossipy feeling. Like you want to know who Erica is having an affair with but then you also don't because it would only serve for more gossiping.
With the author's note, we get the sense that these are some pretty major characters in the novel and I'm guessing from what I remember reading, that Fiel is the main character. It seems from these brief interactions that it's like one of those awkward buddy cop movies where two people who are polar opposites have to work together for 48 hours to solve the case of a lifetime. That's just the sort of vibe I'm getting off of this piece so far.

I'll move along past the first two sentences now and into the overall since I really don't feel like analyzing every little bit and you probably don't need to hear it. Not to say I wouldn't pick through this with a little fork but it'd be for a price, like 60 cat memes. I work in the currency of the dark side of the web.

Overall:
So for awhile I felt like the story was lacking and it was like blah blah, demons/bandits have infested the town and the old council is off their rocker. Then there actually were demons which introduces the interesting narrative of Wed/Thurs/Fri what are they doing? And if there is one line in your entire story that saved it, it would be this line.
“It was an orgy of demons, Fiel…”

For the fact that Liander had to clarify just in case Fiel didn't catch his drift the first three times he talked about three thousand demons streaking through a wheat field. It made me laugh above all else and it made the story pick up for me finally. Granted it was almost over and this hilarity only lasted for a minute before the Traveler lost his true love and we as readers and the characters were sent into a downward spiral of doubt. But for that one moment, I truly enjoyed the fabric of this story.

The Ending:
Has the nice little twist and the whole questioning of the quest going on. You get the sneaking suspicion that somehow demons or demon like metaphors are going to show up further down the road, which should make things more interesting.

That's really all I've got for now so I'm gonna head out.
Have a nice day.
Happy #PlanMo .
~Liz <3




Audy says...


8D <3 THANK YOU FOR READING/REVIEWING/SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS.

And also yes. That line is pretty much classic Liander. I found your feedback super helpful though in making me rethink the intro of that scene though, so I will totally work on it, and maybe add some more levity throughout before entering the "downward spiral of doubt" as you say :) SOOO! Thanks to you, I have some stuff to munch on ^_^ TY TY <3

All of your other vibes - buddy cop, your demon suspicions, etc. are spot on which made me happy. And also like. Yes ugh. I can't spell for life.



CaptainJack says...


i am very tempted to go back and read the rest of what you posted but then i remember i'm already following four novels



Audy says...


eeee I dunno if the stuff I posted on here is much to look at unfortunately. BUT I will have a more polished, better version up *eventually* I actually do want to *FINISH* before posting more up because I get too caught up with revisions and not enough with writing-the-middle-parts :) So I'ma buckle down on it and maybe in the future you'll have less novels you're following and I can ring you up? :)

I've meant to go and tackle one of your pieces too, because AU Nazi Germany is SUPER fascinating to me :O



CaptainJack says...


AU Nazi Germany won't be up until December so you've got plenty of time. For now it's AU Nazi ghosts existing in modern West Virginia.



CaptainJack says...


update: beat bisc to the top 100



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Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:56 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello, Audy! It’s Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside...

I saw the word "demon" and now I have to review, ya know? I am the demon goddess. I must review anything that possibility could contain my minions in it ya know, so I seem like I actually care about them :wink:

STOP! Grammar time!



For the first time, his jet hair--normally perfectly coiffed and slicked back-- had more flecks of grey than she remembered.


You should have spaces before and after any dashes in a sentence, like this:

"...his jet hair -- normally perfectly coiffed and slicked back -- had more flecks of grey..."

Just for future reference.

Now--if that’s all you invited me for--”


Just wanted to point this out to make it easier for you to fix your dashes mistakes... though I don't think I'll point it out again. I have school, sorry

Fiel stood up from her seat, but she could not leave. Not with Liander’s legs propped up against the bench-blocking her exit.


Might have been a typo, but you don't need the dash there. Also, these sentences should be one sentence, since the second one doesn't have a subject and therefore is a fragment.

Suggestions:



“So, here comes this traveler--not unlike yourself--visiting a village just like this one and the traveler comes upon a comfy inn that served goats and cheese and a meat stew with warm buns and butter and the coldest pint of beer--nothing like they serve in this slop here.”


I would remove some of the "and"s in this sentence.

Confusing things:



Nothing confusing.

Other comments, reactions, and fangirling:



No other comments, reactions, or fangirling.

Overall:



A pretty good chapter overall. Very easy to understand, especially since I haven't read any of the other chapters in the series this pertains too. Good job.

Give me your soul --

Kara

Image





If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde