Ares

Oh! Another thing, what's with all this green/yellow? Forget the slash, just say green yellow, or greenish yellow, or yellowish green, or snot colored. I don't think the slash is ...

So, I just got done reading Part 3. Other than a few typos that I'll let you find yourself, the only problems I can think of is length. You need ...

I'm pretty sure she has a few others. The Thief Lord...isn't that by her too? You guys might wanna check that out, one of my younger friends read it and ...

Take out BANG. Try to rhyme the whole time if you're gunna in the beginning. Yea, Claudette got the rest.

Good start... I of course am not in it, since you hate me. But it's still a good start. :lol: It had a nice flow...

This was good, I might show it to some friends ~_^. I disagree with Imp though, some of Jack's dialogue seemed a little off. I hope there's more. -MH

The fourth paragraph uses the word "wolf" way too much. Other than that, I think Claudette pretty much got everything. This was a pretty cool piece though, Gingivere. Keep up ...

If you changed some of the names and published this, it would sell. I just got done reading the second half, by the way. -MH

What can I say? It's awesome. Idunno if I'll be able to read Chapter 3 tonight. I look forward to it though.

It's like fifteen pages long. Unless we read an excerpt or something. Which we probably did. It was one of the many stories crammed into our english book...

I read that a long time ago. It was pretty good, we had to write a huge paper on it though. And isn't it more like a short story than ...

Revise revise revise! Revise it all. Use WD's suggestions for part 1 on this also. I'm sure her list could help this piece too. I still believe that this story ...

((('And lastly, try to get your tone down for this story, it's a Fantasy, and it's written as if you're telling the reader a story from 2005.' Im a bit ...

Like third person? You can. But what exactly are you asking?

Grrreat. I only read Ender's Game, definetly worth the $8 though...