Ardor

You've done it again Desire. Another very symbolic, open poem. You have a very individual and articulate passion for the words you actually use. To know someone 2 years older ...

Holy shit what a good poem. So vague, so ambiguous, I love it. You have to write more. You HAVE to. A cash in if you want. I don't care ...

This story has great potential, I will give it that. However, it is missing a bit of action. I am not so fond of the style you are writing in ...

Oh. My. God. This is really, really sad. The fact that it is from the point of view of a six year old makes it even sadder. The use of ...

For me, the third line is a bit too long. You could, after the word before, move the rest onto a new line. To me the poem seems very personal ...

Interesting use of vocabulary. However, for a minor improvement you could consider how your piece flows. Personally for me, I think your poem suffers a little from the frequent short ...

The last line made me laugh. Was this intended? If so well done. If not, you may not edit it a little. As for the actual plot of the story, ...

"He wonder why his life had been spared". Awesome way to end any chapter of any story. You have a certain skill: you use the techniques of Fantasy writing and ...

Well it's a good first chapter, but I think you might need to edit it a bit. There are some parts which work for people like me and your vocabulary ...

Really, really emotional. You have a great sense of vocabulary which you use very well. There is one line though which kind of confuses me. It's the line: "There was ...

I think what you need to focus is the use of language. I found the language a bit too simple for me- try using a bit more originality in your ...

Hmm. I personally prefer your poem Sweet and Unspoken. While the imagery is still very good, I think it lacks the simplicity and almost minimalist feel that Sweet and Unspoken ...

Very, very good. I like the use of language throughout your piece. It must be very personal to you. My only suggestion would be to improve the structure on one ...

Well...that was a depressing. Personally I found the ending a bit too dark and depressing. I found that she shouldn't have killed the baby because that isn't right for her ...

This is an excellent poem. Your use of metaphors and personfication describe the atrocities of war perfectly. As far as I can see, there is no criticism. It is just ...