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"You're damn right I won't tell...I'll just get even." comma instead of a period after "even" I muttered. What? "comma instead of a period after even"? This was the only ...

Yeah, other might be good. Though, if you revised it to fit the romantic fiction criteria (see top of romantic fiction forum), it could work. Also, and I think this ...

“Look at yourself, Sophia! Since when do you worry about petty curses?” I don't think this sounds like something someone would say to themselves aloud. You could either change what ...

It was okay. I think it was a trifle boring. It may be because we, as readers, already know what happened to Will. Perhaps it would help to focus more ...

WAIT! :!: Don't throw this away YET! If you revise it more than twelve times and people still don't like it, then you can throw it into the failure bin. ...

Stabbed me in the back, or the lung, so to say, so that all of my determination, my willpower, is shattered. This is the only flawed part of this piece ...

This was interesting. It started differently than other romances, though the whole "two people meet, hate each other, and slowly fall in love" thing has been around since Jane Austen. ...

I don’t think anyone knows what it feels like to be the mad for a boy. I don't think this sentence correctly or adequately describes the narrator's feelings. Maybe change ...

Okay, this was a little confusing. But not overwhelmingly confusing. Just a little confusing. I read the link before I started, but I had to go back and read it ...

My body streaked through the undergrowth like a phantom, leaving no trace that I had ever been there. Lifting my face to the moon, the pearly sheen seeped onto my ...

Wow. :shock: This is pretty good for a first post. A lot of people here post so-so works their first time just to level with other people. This was really ...

:smt055 This is looking like a good romance! I really like how mysterious the whole thing is. I say that a lot . "Mysterious." But I sort of go looking ...

Quote: Neeson had never seen so many bodies. Good start! This really drew me in. Quote: He had known the men less than a fortnight and now they all lie ...

Screams that could pierce any heart Float toward the blackened heavens Chaos The civilized world Gone under Plunged into eternal night Yikes. It's a good start, compelling and frightening, but ...

I agree with lucyy and the suggestions she made. I think you might need to work on your main character's . . . well, main-ness. I don't think there's enough ...