Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: So this one for the most part felt like a pretty abstract story until we got to the very last part where we are finally presented with what the actual issue is and we can actually understand and try to relate to what is going on. I'd suggest maybe reducing the whole poetic nature of especially the first paragraph or at least adding more context at the beginning so that we can fully appreciate those comparisons or else its a little confusing.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Starlight struck your face, while I gasped at your beauty. The way you moved. So swiftly, so intimidating... You, new you... I had not knew. I admit to forget many earthly things, but when you approached me, it was unearthly. And I remember the way you glided along the wind, and flew away into the night sky. The way you left me there alone. And now I know. It was you that proved right and I wrong. I know you are relishing the moment, but let me speak first.

You were right on one subject alone: the forest. Because, you see, I could not die there. After spending a day in the wood I realized that there was no escape. Also, I noticed something supernatural begin to take hold of me. It was a slow process, but ... intoxicating. It was as if barriers were set free that I did not know were there. The wood was enchanted in the most literal sense possible. In the morning glitter wood fall from trees and would awaken the sun. At night there were creatures who would light the night sky and when they left the moon was my closest friend. It glowed a pale white and illuminated the night. Then the forest would share it’s secrets. At first I could not hear the wood, because of all the worries in my head. When my mind quieted the world flooded to me and the first thing it said was “I am alive.”

Although I have not forgotten your smile, I do forget your sweet kiss. Hurry back and save me. Save me from the fate you have bestowed and I shall see to your one true wish. I am waiting always.

This is her first diary entry and I wrote this a few years ago. Truthfully, I don't want to continue it because I really don't like it, but I just wanted to post something like this as my first post.

I think what I had planned was that Mary May has been trapped in the woods for 200 years. Her true love had brought her to the woods when she was younger, like in her teens, and he left her. The woods was enchanted and pretty much kills you. Your life is taken and in exchange you are made into something (which I can't remember). After her transformation is complete (which I'm guessing takes 200 years, her creator comes and takes her into the world to do the wood's bidding. The wood hungers for death and each new creature finds only one other human to bring to the woods. Her love John, has already picked her as his victim, so now the story is her trying to find someone else. It's a love story because the creatures instinct is to kill the one person they love by bringing them to the woods, but Mary May has such a kind heart that she somehow overcomes this. That's pretty much the storyboard.

The idea is fine, but I don't like how I wrote it. It's far too vague and I mainly posted it because I liked the poetry in the beginning. Maybe that would have been better alone. I wrote this awhile ago and considering I must have been 12 or 11, I think the poetry is pretty nice, but that's really all I have to say about it.

Yeah, other might be good.

Though, if you revised it to fit the romantic fiction criteria (see top of romantic fiction forum), it could work. Also, and I think this might be the wisest choice, you could change it all to a poem and put it in lyric poetry.

A little confusing, but a *short* romance nonetheless.

Actually, looking at this now I think it should have been placed in Other... Hmmm. Well, please review without pointing that out to me because I already know.