*coco

Hiya, Pink! Thanks for the request - how could I possibly say no when your reviews have been what has kept me going for my story :D Right, onto the ...

Hiya, Ofir! Good to have you back :) Here are some sentences I've picked up that need improvement/explanation/change The same brown eyes Davy had flickered to scrutinize me , and ...

This is good - of course, when I think of 'chav's' I think of teenage girls from Newcastle and Manchester riding BMX bikes donned in adiddas tracksuits and mackenzie t'shirts, ...

Hiya, Diane! Coco here as requested! I had problems with a few sentences: “Its ours,” Aiden said, pointing to a small cottage . The dialogue could definitly be improved here ...

Hiya, Diane! Coco here! I wasn't quite sure what to make of this chapter because, again, it seems like you have some problems with consistency among your character's emotions. Zankoku's ...

Coco here! There were a few sentences that confused me: I shrieked an inhuman sound and flopped to the ground I'm not very fond of that line, especially the word ...

Hi, Diane! Me again :) I completely agree with Tenyo again. You have this amazing skill as a writer to be able to describe the atmosphere around Asha so beautifully ...

Hiya, Diane, coco here! So this chapter was pretty thought, I hoped it would have been longer. As far as Asha's emotions, they have definitely improved, although she still doesn't ...

Hiya, Diane! “You know them?” I asked. They were not the kind of people I imagined as Dad’s friends. PTA parents, soccer moms, and sleepy night-shift interns seemed like they ...

Hiya, Diane! Coco here again, as requested! I pushed the whiny thoughts from my head - don't think whiny is the right word I think 'whiny' is the wrong word. ...

Hiya, Diane! Coco here again, for part 2! Just a few pointers since you've already been given reviews. Bare in mind these are just my opinions on improvements, you can ...

Hiya, Diane! Coco here again for chapter two. Again, I hardly have anything to critique. :( It's just so perfect the way it is. My two most favourite lines: Sometimes ...

Hiya, Diane! Coco here, as requested! Since you already have some great reviews, I'll just talk about what I loved about this piece. I loved it, I mean, I was ...

Chapter 3 The Dinner Party The next day Ian awoke around noon as usual, he pulled himself out of bed, and got ready for the day by going about his ...

Hiya, Gunta! Interesting name :D Coco here, as requested. I'm hoping this will be helpful. They exchange farewells under the passing gaze of a flickering street lamp. Zipping his jacket, ...