The Party - chapter eight

I deserve to be getting into a millions apologies right here, but I think they get old. Still, I'm sorry. It takes me a while to get to things, and I'm not been in a reviewing mood for a while for anything. But I'm starting to get back into it, so hopefully I'll start being more helpful and timely.

Ian practically dragged me to the door. My feet felt wooden. I was only half aware that he was watching me from the corner of his eye. He ruffled my hair playfully, leaning down to my height. I felt like I would choke. "Hey, swamp monster, you don't have to do this," he said gently.

My inner response: NOW you tell me! #008080 ">Don't really like this line, how it's structured and the capitalization of now. I swallowed. Those were some real tempting words that I had to ignore. Oh, I so didn't want to ignore them. #008080 ">Too much, I'd say. Combine them somehow, or just lose the second maybe. "Oh, but I do," I said anyways, raising a fist and knocking on the door. It was either now or never. I had to set things straight with Davy.

Ian straightened quickly as Mrs. Felly opened the door. She eyed me with surprise before a sickly looking fake smile stretched across her lips. "Ian, Amy, what can I do for you?"

I noticed she kept the door half closed behind her. Ian opened his mouth, but I spoke first. "I need to see Davy." I paused. "I know he's not… um, feeling well, but I think… I mean, it's just really important." I felt like an idiot, standing outside the door at about nine pm like that. I thought that once you become seniors in high school you don't feel lame anymore. Damn.

The same brown eyes Davy had flickered to scrutinize me, and she really did seem to be hesitating. "I don't think it's a good idea right now," she began.

I drew strength from the knowledge Ian was right there next to me. I could almost feel his body heat. It was comforting for some strange reason. "Please," I said, looking her straight in the eye.

She sighed, not dropping my gaze. Instead, she opened the rest of the door. I thought I heard her mutter, "Don't say I didn't warn you," under her prim breath, but I could've easily been imagining #008080 ">it.

Ian followed right behind me with a sheepish smile. "Thank you," he said to Mrs. Felly and she smiled again.

"It's late though, so you little #008080 "> Does she have to say little? That sounds weird. kids need to get home soon." The sweetness in her voice made me think of those disgusting diet things that had no real sugar in them but were sickeningly sweet. Eww. Just, eww.

I nearly ran up the flight of stairs. Ian put a hand on my shoulder outside the door. "Hey, calm down. It's okay." His smile made it seem like it really was okay. #008080 ">sounds repetitive I almost bought it. But then reality popped in for a nice check. #008080 ">And for this whole paragraph, maybe vary up the sentence structure a bit? it gets kind of tiresome
I shuddered once, and realized I had a hard time breathing. I closed my eyes tightly. "He's just a person," I muttered to myself. It calmed me down some. It's not like I was going to meet the pope. It was just Davy, for crying out loud. I opened my eyes again, more prepared now. It's not like I hadn't opened this very same door like a million times before. True, my last visit here did not end well for some people, but still.

"I'll… I'll wait outside," Ian said, cheeks burning for some reason, as he leaned against the wall. He was blushing a lot tonight. I nodded, raising my hand to knock on the door when a shrill yell, muffled by the door but still definitely a yell, escaped the room.

"Cockroach!!!" Davy's voice sounded near tears. #008080 ">hahah

I held back laughter and opened the door without knocking, shoving my head in and saying, "Booh!"

"Ahhh!!!" #008080 ">Don't need that many exclamation marks, especially since the dialogue tag is "screamed". Davy screamed, curled up on his bed, #008080 ">with his back to the wall. His eyes were bloodshot and his lower lip a bit swollen. It looked like his heart almost gave in. #008080 ">somewhat extreme

I sniggered. "Real manly, dude," I said as I walked up to the bed.

His eyes darted to a brown lump on the floor. "It's there," he whispered.

I eyed the lump. "Umm, Davy, I think it's dead."

"Doesn't matter," he mouthed, still clinging to the wall.

I sighed. "Well, I guess I do owe you one." I scooted down, stretching my hand towards him. When he just stared at it, I rolled my eyes. "Get me some toilet paper or tissue or something." He obeyed submissively, pushing a roll of white toilet paper in my hand. His fingers were shaking. Real pathetic. I've thought this before, but he should really man up. I scooped up the brown lump, ignoring the choking noises Davy made, and threw it in the garbage can at the corner of the room. #008080 ">yeah, he is a pretty big wimp isn't he? his reaction feels kinda extreme

Davy looked like his soul was trying to escape through his mouth. He made an effort to close it and look at me.

I smiled timidly. "You never did like those things," I managed.

He simply nodded. I watched warily as Davy took a big breath and gestured for me to sit at the end of the bed, apparently still unable to speak. I suppressed a giggle and sat down on the familiar bed. Davy sat with his legs sprawled all over the place, covered by a thick blanket. "Hey," he said finally, his voice cracking.

"Hey," I answered back, trying my best not to show him I noticed. He gave this pathetic little whimper and I knew him well enough to know it had to do with the insect that was crawling on his floor moments ago. "You really hated it, huh?" I said in a serious voice.

He sniffled and nodded. "Bugs," he finally said. "Like the time at the lake. There were so many bugs…" He shuddered, turning to his annoying habit of ruffling his black hair.

I giggled. "Yeah, you were trying to act like you didn't mind it. Tried being all brave." It really was funny at the time: His face was pretty much glued to the same expression and he was standing tall and rigid and hardly ever moved.

Davy sighed. "Yep. It was only later that I discovered you were absolutely fine with those things."

I rolled my eyes. "Bugs aren't all that bad you know."

"Yeah, they're not bad when they're not spreading diseases, biting you, being poisonous and just being… gross." #008080 "> maybe give him a more legit reason to hate them/be scared of them? He swallowed darkly, brown eyes checking the room. "Which is never."

I grinned. We were having a nice, normal conversation. No insult or anything. I was here to make things right with him. I'd made him pay enough. "How's the lip?" I asked, kicking my shoes off and raising my legs on the bed, like I'd done so many times before. It seemed completely normal to Davy too, 'cause he didn't even blink and kept talking like usual. This was routine for us.

Davy grimaced. "It's swollen."

"I can see that." I raised an eyebrow.

This forced a smile out of him. "Honest, it's like a bump there. It feels… weird."

I smiled. "It looks weird."

"Gee, thanks." Davy smiled too. "So… You're here." He cleared his throat, looking unexpectedly uncomfortable. "What's the catch?" #008080 ">this scene is all done pretty well so far tho, with how you're setting it all up

I flinched, hurting that he thought there actually would be a catch. There was a lump in my throat. "There's no catch, Davy," I said quietly. Was I that horrible? Did he really think this was the only reason I'd come? "I was worried about you," I tried to explain, feeling pathetic and small and hating Ian for ever bringing up this idea.

He raised both eyebrows in his confused expression. "What brought this on?"

I pushed back my bangs so he could see my face clearly. I really wanted to make things right with everyone. I really did. Knowing me, I was probably being a real bitch to them. So it was finally catching up to me, huh? "Nothing did. I'm sick of fighting." I raised both my hands clumsily, like a prisoner. "White flag."

Davy's eyes lit up, a grin slowly building in his face. "Honest?"

I nodded solemnly. "All I want to do is make up. We're going to be working together, you know."

Davy's grin was full blown now. "Wait, so does that mean Anne too?" His tone was so excited it hurt.

My throat felt swollen again. I cringed in surprised. "No… Yes… I don't know. I hadn't worked that one out yet." #008080 ">all good so far

Davy allowed that, rising a little in his bed, so he could look at me better. "I'm glad, Ame," he said through his smile. "I mean, you were being pretty harsh."

My gaze turned stony. "I had a reason, you know." I shook my head. "It's just… you know I trusted you, right? You know how much…" My chest felt tight. I thought about the fact that Ian was outside the door, probably having his ear super-glued to it. I took a deep breath. "Well, that's in the past now."

Davy blushed, but held my eyes. His smile was fading. "I know. And I'm sorry for hurting you. It's just… I can't explain it, but… Anne and I, we just sort of, fit together, you know?" #008080 "> i love this, how anne and davy actually are good together and how davy legitimately feels more strongly for anne. too often in stories it's the opposite - every male character has to be head over heels in love with the female protagonist

I forced a smile on my face and lied. "Yeah."

He breathed, looking at ease now that he'd gotten that off his chest. Sitting upright, he leaned on his knees, still covered by the blanket. "So, what were you up to when we were not talking?" #008080 ">as in, what were you up to when we weren't talking, all of 5 minutes ago? it sounds weird that he phrases it like this since they justttt started talking again. maybe just "so, what have you been up to, amy?"

"We weren't not talking," I objected. "Just maybe not under friendly terms."

Davy rolled his eyes at me. "Fine. Phrase it any way you want to. What's been going on?"

I leaned on my knees too, tugging on a loosed strand of my dark hair. "Honestly? Not much." Then I found words rushing out of my mouth. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed talking to him. "Alex and I are friends now. Good friends. And I am going to flunk the next history test: I haven't been able to get the French revolution quite solid in my head yet. They serve pizza everyday at the cafeteria now – did you know they started doing that? I thought it might be just a week but it goes on and on." #008080 ">like all this

Davy smiled softly, our heads almost touching. It felt cozy like that. I almost forgot this couldn't be us anymore. "Yeah, I knew. They started a few days after you went on vacation. I thought you might be a bit disgruntled."

I wrinkled my nose. "It's so greasy. I mean, you know how much I hate pizza, but they serve it with pepperoni, and that stuff tastes terrible."

Davy shook his head, laughing. I could feel his warm breath in the space between us. "You#008080 ">r irrational hatred of pizza," he chuckled.

"Your irrational fear of bugs," I snapped back. That shut him up. #008080 ">hahah

But he still grinned at me. "What else?" he asked, almost eagerly.

I closed my eyes, inhaling and breathing out slowly. The space between us smelled like him. Like laundry detergent and something sweet. "Greece was fun. I'm tanner now." #008080 ">yeah, about that. you should probably make more mention of greece; it must be pretty weird transitioning to coming back home considering she was there for so long. you'd think she'd talk about it and think about it more

He laughed. "Yeah, I noticed. You're going to lose it soon. You prefer to stay inside."

I giggled. "Man, do you know me."

We were quiet for a few seconds, and the silence around us seemed to change. I felt myself blush.

"Yeah," Davy whispered. "I do know you."

I met his eyes, hurriedly turning down my gaze. It felt like they made an electric pulse go through me. I didn't want to feel this way again. This was nothing like what I felt with Ian – making it clearer #008080 ">"which made it clearer", instead maybe. it's confusingly worded that we were just friends, a triumphant voice at the back of my head added. But the electricity between Davy and I was growing stronger. #008080 "> confused by what you meant with this whole part "Well, that's no biggie, I know you too," I breathed.

Davy chuckled tensely. "I know you do."

I raised an eyebrow. "I know you know I do."

We both chuckled at the exact same time. "I've missed you." The words seemed to escape Davy's mouth before he could stop them.

I blushed with pleasure, enjoying him finally saying the words. I was afraid it was only me. "I missed you too," I confessed shamefacedly.

Davy bumped his forehead to mine. "It's nice seeing you again, Ame. You should come around more often. Like for that history test. Let's study together."

Our heads remained close like that. I swallowed. "I'm not sure what Anne will have to say about that," I mumbled gently.

Davy's mouth set. "She won't mind."

I shrugged. "Then sure. It is nice, seeing you again." I closed my eyes, feeling the comfortable feeling resurface after all this time. I still remembered it. This was my Davy. We were doing what we always did.

When I opened my eyes, Davy was blushing, his gaze locked on my face. He leaned in a fraction closer, causing our noses to touch. I could almost taste his breath, my heart hammering inside my chest –

Then he pulled back, breathing a bit harder than usual. #008080 ">yeah, a bit sudden and weird

"I, I think you should go, Amy," he said as he breathed.

I lost my voice, but nodded. That was close. Too close. Way too damn close. But still, my voice acted without my knowledge. "Why?" I sounded hurt. Oh, hell no – he was totally going to take this the wrong way –

Davy's eyes widened at the thought he might've hurt me. "Oh, no, it's not you, this is so not your fault – it's just me." He swallowed hard. "I – I can't stay in the same room with you anymore." His eyes seemed frantic, searching for an excuse. Finally, he found one. "You know, my lip and all. I, um, think I need some sleep." It was really, really lame. But I wanted to get out of there, so I jumped at the opportunity.

I nodded again. "Right," I said robotically. "It's been nice." I stood up stiffly. I managed a final smile. "I've missed you, Dave."

He looked up from the bed. "Bye." His tone was subdued.

I walked toward the door, opening it. Ian almost fell on the floor. I knew he was listening in.

Davy and he exchanged looks that for some reason seemed poisonous. I flushed in embarrassment. "Couldn't do it by myself – I needed a little back up," I explained, feeling like a total loser.

Davy cleared his throat, his cheeks red. "You better go," he told me, gesturing with his head at the door. "I think Ian and I are going to have a little talk." He tried to smile for my benefit, though it looked more like he was grimacing in pain.

I looked at Ian nervously. He nodded once, meeting my eyes. He smiled that carefree smile. "Sure, Amy. I'll be right out."

I nodded, walking out the door mechanically. I didn't stop and went straight down the stairs, opening the door for myself, seeing as Mrs. Felly wasn't around. I was actually a bit relieved: that way I didn't need to cover the shock that covered my face. Had I just imagined that moment with Davy? No, I couldn't have just imagined it. He was leaning in closer. It couldn't have been in my head, could it?

Outside, the air was still cool, but this time I liked it. It helped me get my thoughts straight. I forced myself to ask the questions I knew I had to ask.

One of them – oh, let's just face it – the most important one, was quite simple. Did I still like Davy? I didn't know. I missed him, that was for sure, and that electricity between us… I shivered. But he cheated on me. He was nothing but a two timing idiot who made my heart want to jump out of my throat. Damn him. But did I still like him? I settled for a maybe. Biting my lower lip to ease the tension in my mind, I continued.

Then, let's just say I did like him – could I be with him? I could probably steal him back. The perfect picture of him and Anne at the hospital flashed through my head again and I realized I didn't want to. I could still like him, maybe, but I didn't want to be with him again. Not like that. I was better than that, better than him: I deserved someone who would love me with all his heart.

So I made my decision, I told my heart firmly. Never again. Never Davy. I suddenly felt like crying. I leaned against the closed door, trying to calm myself down. It was easier said than done. Maybe I should just stay away from him altogether… #008080 ">this is all good stuff

A movement caught my eye. There was a girl – a rather short one – walking back and forth on the trail that led to the entrance of Davy's house. Anne walked from side to side, wringing her hands together. I blinked through the darkness. "Anne, is that you?" I asked, not believing my own assumption.

She turned around, gave a little squeak as she spotted me and then started mumbling. Her expression seemed guilty. "Th-that's not… it's not what it seems. I- I mean…" Tears rushed out through her eyes, dripping all over her cheeks. "He hates needles," she whimpered pathetically as an explanation.

But I understood. She had been worried, like me. The perfect picture flared up in my mind again, intensified, and I felt like I really was making the smart choice by letting him go. Finally. I nodded, taking a step closer. "I know that," I said quietly. I noticed her shiver, her bare arms having goose-bumps. It was barely noticeable in the dim light of the street lamps. I sighed in frustration. It was just like her to forget. "No jacket, huh?"

She nodded, the tears streaming down faster. "They – they stitched him up. At the ho-hospital. I-it w-was so scary. I was s-s-so worried, so I –I came on an impulse." She shut her eyes, taking a deep breath. "But I'm too scared to go in," she added weakly.

I shrugged out of my jacket as she explained, feeling the cold wind assault my arms. "Here ya go." I offered it to her, trying to ignore how small and weak she seemed. I didn't want to feel sorry for her.

Anne stared at it uncomprehendingly. "Y-you're giving it to me?" she asked. Her lower lip quivered.

I frowned, giving in. I couldn't help but worry about her. "What, you don't want it?" But I didn't wait for her to answer. I wrapped it around her shoulders firmly. It reminded me a lot of how we used to be. Anne just made you feel like you needed to take care of her – she was so helpless some times. #008080 ">good background

The tears were escalating now. She seemed almost unable to speak.

"Look," I said as the silence stretched. "I think I can make it better. Was he crying when they stitched him?"

Anne shook her head wildly.

"Good," I said, smiling. When her face went blank, I explained the obvious. "You know Davy. He has the whole I'm-a-guy-so-tears-are-an-issue deal. He wouldn't cry unless it really hurt him or he was scared to death." I rolled my eyes. "He's not all that big into the talking thing, either. So, conclusion: He's fine."

She giggled this wet little sound. "Y-yeah, he really does have th-that no talking thing. I guess you really a-are right." She tried to smile a little.

Something uncomfortable was twisting in my stomach. I was starting to get cold, but I realized the wretched feeling inside of me had nothing to do with the weather. I couldn't make Davy cheat on Anne. It was a simple fact. It didn't matter how electric he made me feel, or how he had my heart beating. This was Anne we were talking about.

I shut my mouth tight, fighting the cruel accusations that were struggling their way out. I was glad I had that meltdown at the hospital - it helped me really get over a lot of those things. But not about Anne. It was just a different matter when it came to her.

Anne tugged on her autumn hair, closing her eyes for a bit. "Thanks for cheering me up," she croaked at last.

I giggled. "You don't sound so cheered up."

"A random guy that looks scary beat up my boyfriend, and then I had to watch doctors stab him with needles." She winced. "How am I supposed to look?"

I thought about that for a bit. "Okay, fine, maybe you do look rather cheered up. Compared to how you could've been."

She coughed a little, trying to wipe her tears. "Told you I have a point. #008080 ">delete that part, i'd say. sounds funny and you don't need it"

I folded my arms in an attempt to make myself warmer again. "Besides, Ben is not just some random guy."

Anne's eyes widened. "Don't tell me you guys –" She paused. "Oh, wow, congrats!" A smile was building on her lips. It was genuine and warm.

I couldn't help but smile back. It felt like old times again. "Nah, not really. Just… I don't know. I don't think so at least." I shook my head. "It's all really confusing."

She nodded understandingly. "Want to hear confusing? Davy doesn't want to come to my house. Ever. I mean, it's really annoying: I want my folks to see him as my boyfriend, not the best friend I've been hanging out with since forever – but he's too scared!" She laughed shakily. "Isn't that just like him?" She didn't seem to notice that this information might hurt me. Surprisingly, it didn't. It was just another funny story about how nutty Davy could be.

I laughed too. "It totally is. Ian was scared of coming into my house too. His issue was that –" I twisted my thoughts fast. "–he thought my parents don't like him." I rolled my eyes. "Guys, huh?"

Anne's eyes filled with tears again. "Yeah, but Davy made me so worried. I was just waiting in the room with Alex and Ian and then this nurse comes up to us – I swear to God I almost fainted." She took another breath.

She always managed to get back on this subject. I smiled awkwardly. I might as well tell her now while we were having this odd truce. "I think I have a share in this."

Anne looked up. "What?" she asked in amazement.

"Yeah. Umm, so Ben heard Davy fess up about the whole deal, um, between us." Anne's eyebrows traveled up her forehead, her mouth opening a bit in a stunned expression. I continued, feeling uneasy. "So, well, you know me – Davy and I got in this monster fight pretty quickly. And at the end of it, Ben just sort of… snapped." I remembered how cool he was being and thought that 'snapped' might not have been the best description. He was too much in control to snap. He was furious, though. #008080 ">like this

Anne opened her mouth, then closed it again. "Talk about complicated," she said at last, trying to swallow. "I'm glad it was for a good cause though, the punch. I started thinking Davy just has bad luck. I mean, not that I think he deserved it or anything," she added quickly, "But still, it's sort of good to know someone was there for you." She giggled a little, and I could hear the hysteric edge her laughter had. "You know, I had the feeling not many people were sticking up for you in the whole thing." She blushed in embarrassment, fiddling with her hands. "I've… Well, as hypocritical as this sounds, I've been a bit worried. 'Cause, you see, I was doing fine. Nobody thought I was doing something wrong…" She smiled apologetically. #008080 ">aw, yeah, this is kind of cute hahah

I rolled my eyes, though it warmed me up a little. "That's because you're little Ms. Popular. Everyone likes you, so of course they'd be by your side."

She coughed again, looking down at her feet. "Listen… I know it's been kind of tough."
I swallowed. "Yeah, you were right to worry. It was kinda tough."

She met my eyes. "Yeah, it was really was, huh?"

We looked at each other, and then her eyes were brimming with tears. Again. How many times could this girl cry?

"I never meant to do that. I swear I wanted to give up on him," she whispered. "I'm really sorry I hurt you –"

It was funny that she was using the exact same words Davy used. I smiled at her, cutting off her babble. "It's okay now. It really is." And I meant it.

Anne launched into my arms, and we both staggered back a little.

"Anne?" I gasped, half giggling.

She was sobbing loudly on my shoulder. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I felt so miserable all this time, without my best friend! I-I thought you hated me for sure now!" she bawled, tightening her arms around me. Well, she wasn't entirely wrong. But I felt all the bad feelings drain away now. Sure, both her and Davy were wrong, but I could finally let it go now. The past didn't seem so important anymore. "And Davy… And now the thing with the needles…!" She was unable to finish, her entire body shaking.

I patted her back. "Shh, it's okay now," I whispered softly. "You really were scared, huh?"

A new wave of wails broke through her mouth. "I –I thought I c-could die when I saw him b-b-bleeding like that." #008080 ">hahah, her and davy are both pretty wimpy huh? makes them fit even better together

I leaned my head on her shoulder. "You really do love him, don't you?" I asked, the words hurting me somewhere in the pit of my stomach.

I could feel her nod. "So much," she answered back.

I hugged her harder, feeling tears slide down from my own eyes. They were evident in my voice. "Then take good care of him, okay?"

"I promise," she blubbered.

I heard footsteps and then a surprised "Oh!" that I realized was Ian.

I pulled back from Anne, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "I have to go," I said through a smile.

She nodded, glancing at the door. "Me too. Thanks for giving me the courage to do this."

I gave her one last hug. "Sure."
And then we both walked our separate ways, Ian following right behind me. I didn't look back.

Awwwww this was all really good. Seriously, I could barely find anything. And all their interactions and characterizations seem very well done - you did a really good job with this chapter. I'm excited to see what's coming now; we're really starting to get into the heart of the story now.

Only thing I'd say is that Davy's and Anne's reactions are a little overboard. Getting punched in the face isn't really that big a deal, nor are cockroaches. So maybe just make their reactions a little less extreme. And I agree with coco's review, I think she gave you pretty good advice, though I still really like this chapter.

As always, PM me for anything, and let me know as soon as you have the next chapter up!

Hiya, Ofir! Good to have you back

Here are some sentences I've picked up that need improvement/explanation/change

The same brown eyes Davy had flickered to scrutinize me, and she really did seem to be hesitating.

The part in bold confuses me. Try something like 'She had the same brown eyes that belonged to Davy, only her's now flickered to scrutinize me'.

Ian said, cheeks burning for some reason

I think having his cheeks burn was a little random - not only that it was a bit out-of-character for Ian. Maybe you can use another way of describing how awkward he must have felt.

So, what were you up to when we were not talking?

I think 'we were not' sounds a bit posh and out-of-character for Davy.

You irrational hatred of pizza

You mean 'Your'

When I opened my eyes, Davy was blushing, his gaze locked on my face. He leaned in a fraction closer, causing our noses to touch. I could almost taste his breath, my heart hammering inside my chest

So, there are a number of things that are wrong with this paragraph
Firstly, it's incredibly forward.
Secondly, it's incredibly random. One minute he's yelling at her in a hospital telling her to 'get over it' and then telling her how much he and Anne are perfect for one another, and now he's 'bushing' and leaning in to kiss her???
Thirdly, you really should've had Amy react in a more angry way. I would've been like, 'What the hell are you doing?'

Way too damn close

Sounds odd to me

Davy's eyes widened at the thought he might've hurt me. "Oh, no, it's not you, this is so not your fault – it's just me." He swallowed hard. "I – I can't stay in the same room with you anymore." His eyes seemed frantic, searching for an excuse. Finally, he found one. "You know, my lip and all. I, um, think I need some sleep." It was really, really lame. But I wanted to get out of there, so I jumped at the opportunity.

Again, very odd. Davy's character is kind of strange in this chapter.

She nodded, the tears streaming down faster. "They – they stitched him up. At the ho-hospital. I-it w-was so scary. I was s-s-so worried, so I –I came on an impulse." She shut her eyes, taking a deep breath. "But I'm too scared to go in," she added weakly.

Can you please explain what Anne is talking about here? Also, I think you should mention Davy's name.

"A random guy that looks scary beat up my boyfriend, and then I had to watch doctors stab him with needles." She winced. "How am I supposed to look?"

Now you explain it. This should've been properly explained before.

A new wave of wails broke through her mouth. "I –I thought I c-could die when I saw him b-b-bleeding like that."

She's overreacting a bit, don't you think? I mean, he just got punched it's not like he was in a car crash.

I thought that once you become seniors in high school you don't feel lame anymore. Damn.

I loved this line. It was hilarious.

Overall Comments
So, as you mentioned, this was incredibly long. I do think that it could've been shortened a little by removing the whole cockroach thing in Davy's bedroom. It felt a bit unnecessary.

Another thing, and this is just my opinion, I think it would've been more interesting and believable to have Davy not lying down in his bed. I mean, he just got punched in the face, right? Bed rest isn't really necessary in that case. Have him maybe watching tv or finishing his dinner when Amy and Ian walk in. Then you can mention the awkwardness in the air and then have Davy take Amy to his bedroom himself. I'm suggesting this for two reasons: One - it would create more tension which is believable with two people who have had as much drama as these two have. Two - I don't think Davy would be the kind of guy to lie around in bed after what happened, especially when Amy comes to see him, I mean, it was embarrassing that he was punched in the face in front of Amy, because of Amy, he would'nt want to add to that embarrassment by lying in bed - he would want to man up a bit and try and act like he wasn't hurt that bad. Pm me if this sounds quite confusing. I don't know if I've explained this properly.

Lastly, you've got quite an intriguing BUT complicated story to work on here purely because your main protagonist doesn't just have the classic two love-interests but three. This is potentially problematic if it's not done properly. You have to make sure that all three of Amy's love interests believably in love with Amy otherwise the readers won't buy it because it won't seem realistic. Just keep in mind the history between Amy and each of her love interests so that you can build from there. E.g.

Amy and Davy - long history, dated
Amy and Ian - long-term friend, share playful banter together
Amy and Ben - new guy, some feelings for him

Hope this has been useful. I'm looking forward to reading more

*coco