Hey all,
Edited and hopefully improved.
Lemme know what you think 
P.S - The new title is taken from the Deftones album of the same name.
Around The Fur
They exchange farewells under the passing gaze of a flickering street lamp. Zipping his jacket, hunching his shoulders and nestling his numb hands in the soft, warm lining of his pockets he descends down the sleet road, the bitter wind grazing his speckled face. The headlights of an approaching car, slowly creeping behind him draws his gaze to the spectrum of gum imprinted into the road, gradually panning towards the grimy yellow bin perched adjacent to a bus stop that during the day, beckoned the shrieks and laughter of the local school children. But tonight, two Robins sat atop the frozen post, singing poignantly their chorus interrupted only briefly by the snarl of a passing car and the crisp slush of the parting snow.
He reaches the bottom of the hill his eyes fixed on the large barred gates that steadily approached. His attention shifts to the silhouette of his former school that seemingly leant towards him, poised upon a small mound, backlit by the pale face in the sky. His eyes trail slowly up the path that he trailed each day; ensnared within the grasp of the dead foliage and the cold clutch of the bitter frost that illuminated the night. His eyes glide slowly up the path reminiscent of his previous commute, eventually meeting the great glass doors whose scale far outmatched their function. He immediately averts his curious gaze, lamenting his brief yet unnerving lapse.
Turning into the estate his body stiffens. He walks slowly, muffling his footsteps faintly against the crunch of the snow. Gripping the insides of his jacket pocket the tips of his raw fingers were aflame. His eyes scan the stretch of path like a sentry, anxiously looking for anything to be perceived as a threat. He controls his breath, listens for voices that do not exist, but that startle him regardless. He breathes out lowering his shoulders into a hunch then proceeds down the dim road that lay before him. It has begun to snow again.
He hastily pulls his hood over his head then quickly entrenches his hands back into the haven of his jacket pockets. He chokes on his breath as he passes a large orange bin, overflowing in excess of wrapping paper and the rotting leftovers of Christmas dinners spewed across the floor. To his left, broken glass lay glistening under a dented street lamp like sand on a sunny day, its former frame boarded up with pieces of a cardboard box formerly used to package a Panasonic microwave. ‘Lucky them’
He comes across a snowman indiscernible if not for the hat and the buttons for the eyes, tears seeping down his cold dying face; slowly melting under the gaze of the synthetic sun that stained the night ginger and the white carpet black.
Pausing at the top of the hill he gazes at his house from a distance, all four windows illuminated yet no car in the driveway. He peered around the four roads that bordered the roundabout he stood at; to his left, the road he had come from. Behind him a road that led to the woods whose chilling silhouettes leaned over the houses in the distance, their roots burrowed underneath the invading populace. In front of him his house and to his right a dead end. However, upon looking to his right he notices a curious small fox, staring at him, frozen in fear if not the cold.
They gazed at each other its eyes black, empty, but infinite. Everything froze, except for the descending snow that drifted between them in the steady wind. What took seconds felt like minutes as the fox turned around and gracefully fled into the enveloping darkness. He stood there hoping to catch one last glimpse of its snow sullied coat, but was not obliged. Turning back towards his house, he begins his descent, revelling in the serene of his chance encounter.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hiya, Gunta! Interesting name
Coco here, as requested. I'm hoping this will be helpful.
So, after reading this I've managed to come up with a couple of points for you:
Other than those points, I enjoyed reading this. Your descriptions - though, as I mentioned were lengthy at times - were very well written so good job on that
Thanks so much for the review request and please don't hesitate to drop by my review forum when you need anything else to review.
Hope I've helped
*coco
Hello! I am Jessica and am here on request to review this piece today!
Overall I didn't catch any grammar or spelling mistakes. That's good. It's a happy day for a reviewer when the grammar and spelling is perfect!
The descriptions were good but it seemed that you described the same thing over and over again. Being descriptive is a good thing and it sounds good. But it seemed to me that you repeated that he put his hands in his pockets a lot. : ) The story was pretty mysterious and left me with a lot of questions. Sometimes that is a good thing, leaving the characters information and details out, sometimes it's not. You decide.
Overall I thought it had a bunch of potential and you can truly see that you are a very very skilled writer. I hope to read more soon!
And remember, Be confident in your writing and believe in yourself! Don't be afraid of criticism! ( At the top you showed a lack of confidence, saying that it was hopefully improved. ) Just saying that this is really good!
- Jessica
Questions? Contact me anytime!
I read it, but I'm not going to edit.
First thing I noticed right off the bat: You admitted you didn't like it. Bad form for someone who likes to write. Take pride in your work or all people will do is criticise it. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Second thing: All your sentences are long. Very Very Very long. I read out the whole piece aloud to myself and I was out of breath even before the first comma mark! Try reading your work aloud before you post. I do that sometimes and it pays quite nicely.
Writing long, in-depth sentences is no proof of your professionalism as an author. If the whole story has long sentences, it's boring, tiring and extremely unprofessional. I am not calling you unprofessional, though, you have great imagery and description, it's just that you don't separate sentences. In your first paragraph alone, there are only 3 sentences. Can you believe that? Look at it!
Please vary your sentences in length, and as I said, read this piece aloud and tell me what you think about that.
The last paragraph however, is less tiring to read, though you have no variation in sentence size. Again, refer to above.
So that's all I have to say really. Great imagery and it's quite realistic with the microwave detail and how you described the slush
Questions, PM me.
Lavvi