Of Loss and Love (chp.10) [newly edited]

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Of Loss and Love: chapter ten


Love is a friend, a fire, a heaven, a hell, where pleasure, pain, and sad repentance dwell

[Richard Barnfield]


There was a collective intake of breath before the entire hall fell silent. Some faces turned pale, whilst others shook their heads in outrage. For a moment I gazed at Lord Wotton, shock and horror thundering through my every vein as the words he had just uttered sinisterly echoed inside me. I could feel my heart jumping out of my throat, but I still refused to believe. This wasn’t real, I kept telling myself. It couldn't be...

“The rebels say that King Théodore was...murdered?” repeated Frederick, as though he were having difficulty understanding the statement.

“Yes, My Lord,” replied Sir Gray. “They claim that King Théodore died from slow poisoning, and that they have evidence to prove that his brother King Maurice had ordered it.”

My mind began racing. On an impulse I found myself recalling distant memories of a particular morning when I had woken up to find my uncle arguing with my father about something in the banquet hall. I remembered how my uncle had threatened to kill my father in front of the entire court that day, and most of all, I remembered the look of sincerity on his face when he had said it, and how, at the time, I had thought nothing of it...they were just two brothers quarrelling with one another, I had told myself, it didn't mean anything, surely...

“No...” I said suddenly, my voice barely a whisper as the memory pierced inside me like a spear. “No, it can’t be...”

Frederick did not look at me but turned to face Sir Gray. “Send an envoy to Asinya; tell them we shall meet with their ambassador immediately.”

Majesty,” He bowed, before hurriedly leaving.

Frederick sighed deeply. He looked lost, confused, and more importantly worried. For a long time he simply stared at the terror-stricken face of Lord Wotton as though he was fighting the urge to kill him, before he finally turned to face Tristan. “Your Grace, please escort the Lady Rose to her chambers and prepare a carriage to take her to my residence in Monefrat, immediately." His eyes then fell on the Duke of Monefrat, "Jacob, you will lead the royal-guard and accompany her.”

Both Tristan and Jacob, who had been surveying Lord Wotton intensely, suddenly broke their gaze and nodded in obedience.

“You want me to leave?” I asked angrily.

“It will not be for long," said Frederick. "You will return again once the matter is sorted.”

“But, I should be here!”

“Do not argue with me, Rose. News like this may harm the child and that is something I cannot risk.”

“But this is about my family...my father! I have every right to know what is going on!”

“I SAID DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME!” Frederick roared suddenly, his piercing eyes met mine with such intense ferocity that it robbed me of my remaining courage to protest. Never in the four months that I had been married to him had I ever seen him so furious. “TAKE HER AWAY!” he commanded.

Tears gathered in my eyes as Tristan moved forwards and led me away.

"Tristan please..." I begged him, struggling under his grasp.

But Tristan would not let go, neither would he speak. Instead, his expression was hard and unflinching as we made our way out of the Great Hall.

"Go to your chambers," he said finally, once the doors to the Great Hall were closed.

“I can’t...” I breathed, choking on my tears. “He was my father...I need to know what happened!”

“The King has ordered you to go to your chambers,” Tristan repeated, this time more firmly, his voice more cold.

“How can you expect me to hide twelve miles away in Monefrat when such a ridiculous accusation is made against my uncle?”

“It is not a ridiculous accusation.”

I looked up at him questioningly.

"You believe the rebels?" I asked, my voice quivering slightly. “You think that my uncle murdered my father?”

Several seconds of silence passed before Tristan nodded, "Yes, I do."

His response shocked me. "But...he was his brother. How could my uncle possibly kill his own br...?"

“Rose, you know very well how much Maurice despised your father," interrupted Tristan, irritably. "Since we were children I remember you would tell me how your uncle would always rebuke your father, publicly humiliate him, constantly undermine his authority...”

My heart began to pound with such force, I feared that at any moment I would collapse. It was as though the walls were closing in on me, as though I could no longer breathe...

“Just look at what your uncle has done to you!” he continued, the sternness in his gaze beginning to waver. “Barely a day after your father's death, Maurice forced you to marry someone who he knew would never truly love you. He was willing to sacrifice your happiness and your freedom for his own petty gains. After all this can you honestly tell me that there isn’t a single part of you which isn’t even the slightest bit suspicious, or the slightest bit in doubt?”

For a while I pondered over Tristan's words. Hearing them felt like a revelation that I thought would never come. Suddenly everything that had happened in the past few months seemed to finally make sense. Could this have been the true reason behind why my uncle had been so eager to rid me from the castle? Could this have been the reason why he had so hurriedly married me off to a man like Frederick, why he had ensured that I was as far away from Asinya as humanly possible? Was all this plotting and planning done to ensure that I would never find out the true circumstances behind my father's death?

A sudden announcement from outside the palace interrupted my thoughts.

“MAKE WAY FOR HIS EXCELLENCY, AMBASSADOR MONROE...”

“The Asinyan Ambassador is here,” said Tristan, eying the Palace doors. “You must go-"

“Tristan, please, I need to know what's going on!" I begged, desperately searching for an ounce of mercy in the cold and empty eyes that now looked upon me. "I know you’re angry with me...I know I hurt you before you left, and I’m sorry...but please, I beg you...help me find out what’s happening. If not for me than for my father... please...”

Several seconds passed before the sternness in his gaze began to soften and the coldness in his eyes began to warm. From the distance, the sound of horse-hooves followed by footsteps grew louder and louder as they approached the Palace doors.

“For your father...” Tristan finally said. “Follow me...”

***


A red-faced Ambassador Monroe sheepishly entered the audience chamber, several of his associates following nervously behind him.

“Mr. Monroe!” boomed Frederick, his voice full of anger as the ambassador approached his throne. “Would you care to explain what in God’s name is going on out there?”

Ambassador Monroe hesitated for several seconds.

"Why are these so-called rebels accusing Maurice of killing King Théodore?" Frederick continued.

“Your Majesty,” began Ambassador Monroe cautiously. “These retched men who have made such vile and preposterous accusations against our most righteous, and most noble king are nothing more than a bunch of deluded delinquents and traitor's who seek to cause trouble, in our otherwise, peaceful realm."

Frederick laughed coldly. "You treat me like a fool, Monroe. My sources claim that there are a little more than over three hundred of these rebels roaming around your villages, some of them members of King Théodore's own court! Are you implying that every single one of these individuals are deluded delinquents and trouble makers?"

Ambassador Monroe fell silent. Several grunts of agreement were heard from Tristan’s colleagues before they were silenced by Frederick’s hand.

"What of Maurice?" he asked the Ambassador, this time more calmly. "What does he have to say about all this?"

"Our king has asked for nothing more than your trust and support at such a difficult time. Our kingdom is already surrounded by many enemies, all of whom are praying for our downfall. It is only a matter of time before one of these god-forsaken nations will take advantage of this delicate situation and attack us. We desperately need the support of our allies."

Frederick shook his head in dismay before rubbing the temples of his forehead with his fingers. Several seconds passed before he spoke again. “Tell Maurice that he shall have our support only when the matter is dealt with.”

“Oh, rest assured, My Lord, the matter is being dealt with to the fullest. As I stand here before you now, the Asinyan army are scouring the streets of Briar Village, where the rebels were last spotted by our watchmen. We hope to capture all three hundred of them before nightfall.”

“For the sake of peace between our realms, let us pray you do,” replied Frederick icily before giving permission to Ambassador Monroe and his men to leave the chamber.

From behind the curtain of the audience chamber where I stood hidden, I looked on in horror. Hundreds of thoughts ran through my mind all at once.

Frederick had mentioned that members of my father’s own court were among the rebels. If these men, who fought in battles alongside my father, who would generously spill their blood for him - if they believed my uncle was responsible for my father’s death, how could I possibly have any doubt whatsoever?

Panic and fear swept inside me as I remembered Ambassador Monroe’s words. He had seemed completely convinced that the rebels would be captured by the end of the day. If that did indeed happen, the rebels would surely be put to death and the truth of what really happened to my father would die along with them...

Lord Wotton waited until Ambassador Monroe and his associates had left the audience chamber before bravely stepping forward to address Frederick. “Sire, if I may...”

“NO YOU MAY NOT, WOTTON!” roared Frederick suddenly, startling some of the elderly members of the court. “ALL OF THIS IS YOUR DOING!”

Lord Wotton looked completely horrified. “Majesty, I-”

“Before I consented to marry Rosaline I asked you one simple question: is it or is it not true that there is even the slightest chance that Maurice was responsible for King Théodore’s death? Do you remember what your response was? ‘Of course not, My Lord,’ that’s what you told me...that there was ‘no way Maurice had anything to do with King Théodore’s death-’”.

"Master, I swear to you...” begged Lord Wotton. “At the time there was no doubt of Maurice’s innocence, no sign of animosity to his reign or any kind of suspicion from among his people-”

“Yet there are now hundreds of them marching around the Kingdom as we speak...” pressed Henry Lambert, the Duke of Chaimer.

The other noblemen around him sounded their agreement.

“But, sire, these are just rebels,” pressed Lord Wotton firmly before facing Frederick again. “You should not believe their words...”

Frederick suddenly looked up at Lord Wotton, his eyebrows slightly raised.

“Tell me something, Mr. Secretary,” he said, standing from his throne before approaching Lord Wotton. “Am I not your King?”

Lord Wotton looked confused. “Majesty?”

“AM I NOT?” Frederick roared into his face.

A deafening silence fell inside the chamber. Lord Wotton looked as though he would burst into tears and Tristan, who had been watching all this with an air of bemusement, exchanged looks with the Duke of Monefrat, a small smirk appearing on his face.

“HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD OR SHOULDN’T BELIEVE?” Frederick continued to shout. “Since King Théodore’s death, the Venan Islands’ royal family have held the suspicion that Maurice may have been behind it! Maurice’s radical changes to the Asinyan court and the fact that his son, Julian, caused trouble in their land has only added to their disapproval of his ascension!”

Frederick suddenly grabbed Lord Wotton viciously by the collar and pulled him closer. “Do you have any idea how much damage news such as this will bring to my kingdom? King Théodore was adored by both my people, and the people of the Venan Islands. Once this news reaches the Islands royal family, King Cirilo and Queen Elena will destroy all their ties with Asinya, and in doing so they may choose to destroy their alliance with us for our closeness to Maurice's realm! Such a move will not only jeopardise my daughter’s marriage to the Venan Islands Prince, it will also jeopardise any future negotiations of peace and trade between our two kingdoms!”

“That is something we cannot allow to happen, My Lord,” commented the Head of the Council. “The alliance between Genevere and the Venan Islands has kept the balance of power in the Eastern realm for centuries.”

“I agree!” sounded another member of the Council loudly. “Our alliance with the Venan Islands is much too precious to lose.”

Frederick turned to Lord Wotton again, his eyes filled with venom. “You will meet with the Ambassador to the Venan Islands immediately to deal with the matter. Lie if you have to - tell him that we are to expel Asinya’s Ambassador from our kingdom in response to the accusations. Do whatever it takes to persuade him that we have absolutely no part in this - that when it comes to loyalty we remain by their side - or so help me God, Wotton, it will be the end of you! Do you understand me?”

“Y-y-yes, Your Majesty...of course...” stuttered Lord Wotton.

“Now go!” fumed Frederick, releasing his grip. “Get out of my sight!”

I had heard all that I needed to hear. Blood pounded in my ears as I ran out of the audience chamber and into my quarters. Once inside, I fell to the floor in horror. All that I had heard in the conference chamber had made my insides turn numb.

There had been people who had been suspicious of my uncle since day one, while I, my father’s own daughter was unable to recognise the signs. I felt disgusted, ashamed, and most of all, angry. How could it be possible that my uncle could murder his own flesh and blood? Did being king really mean that much to him, that he would be willing to have his own brother poisoned to death? How could anyone be so heartless?

Tears began to fall from my eyes as I recalled the countless moments I had spent defending his honour, and the hours I had spent in his company, obediently swaying to his every command, while all the while he had my father’s blood on his treacherous hands. And what of Aunt Vivienne, Isabel, and more importantly Julian? Had they all been in on it too? Or did my uncle have them wrapped around his finger as he had me?

Suddenly, Tristan entered my chambers. He looked down at me and watched the tears of defeat and helplessness trickle down my cheeks.

“We’ve just received word that the Asinyan army have managed to locate all known rebels and are now arresting them on sight.”

My stomach turned at his words.

Tristan continued, “After the arrests, the rebels will be taken to City Tower where they will be executed in the presence of King Maurice.”

I struggled to my feet, barely able to steady myself as I clung on to the window seat in front of me for support.

“Those rebels were the only people who could have helped me...” I said through gritted teeth, tears still running down my cheeks. “Their testimonies could have been enough to expose my uncle’s crimes and avenge my father’s murder...”

“All is not yet lost, Rose,” said Tristan. “If you still wish for my help...I have a plan.”

“Go on,” I said.

“Several of my agents stationed in Asinya have discovered that the ring-leader of the rebels is a young man named Franck Loubet. You may remember his father, Raymond Loubet...?”

A sudden image of a man of medium stature with long black hair and a kind face materialised in front of me. “Yes,” I replied, “Mr Loubet had been my father’s secretary. He died shortly before my father’s passing in an explosion down at one of the new mines he had been inspecting.”

“His son, Franck, claims that his father did not die from an explosion as was suggested, but that your uncle’s council had his father executed because he knew of your uncle’s plans to poison your father. Your uncle’s council were afraid Mr Loubet would warn your father of the danger his life was in.”

Lady Millicent, who had been standing beside me silently throughout the entire conversation, gasped in horror.

“According to my agents, prior to his father’s execution, Franck Loubet had been working in the Venan Islands as a member of the royal household,” Tristan continued, “it was there where he built a close friendship with Prince Damiano...”

“Lady Gabriela’s fiancé?” I asked.

Tristan nodded. “Just as his parents, Prince Damiano has always held a great deal of love for your father, and as your future step-son-in-law he wishes to do all that he can to help you. He has, with great difficulty, managed to organise a secret meeting between you and Franck at His Majesty’s residence in Monefrat so that you may discover the truth behind what happened to your father.”

“But, how can Prince Damiano be certain that Franck is still alive?” I asked. “You said it yourself: the Asinyan army have arrived at Briar Village and are arresting the rebels as we speak.”

“The Prince has always maintained close contact with Franck Loubet, even after he left for Asinya. The Prince has informed me that Franck is in fact not in Briar village as the Asinyan army assume him to be. It transpires that Franck had decided to join his fellow rebels a few days later in order to care for his wife who had recently given birth to their first child.”

I cut in. “But, surely if Franck now attempts to visit Monefrat he will be recognised and arrested by the royal-guards stationed there?”

“No,” replied Tristan, simply, “Franck Loubet was born in the Venan Islands and was raised there by his mother. He never left the Islands until now, so neither the Asinyan’s, nor the Geneveren’s, know exactly what he looks like. It is for this reason that he will have no trouble with being recognised, so long as he comes to Monefrat alone.”

“I don’t know about this, madam,” said Lady Millicent, her face full of worry. “It seems awfully dangerous...what if we get caught? We will be accused of conspiring with traitors and you know what the punishment for that is...we will be dragged, quartered and hung-”

“Nothing will happen to us,” said Tristan firmly. “Not if we do this properly.”

Lady Millicent did not seem convinced. “Lady Rose, I implore you...”

Her protests fell on deaf ears, for at that very moment distant memories of my father swept through my mind. Recollections of his kind and warm face, his laughter and his smile...and then the memories of his death, his face, pale, hollowed...murdered by his own brother.

What had my uncle imagined, that by killing my father he would be safe, that everything would be alright? No matter how dangerous the road of justice would be, it was now clear that it was my duty to take it. This Franck Loubet had also lost a father because of my uncle, and he alone could provide me with the help that I so desperately needed in my path for truth and justice.

“Pack my things, Lady Millicent,” I declared finally. “We are to leave for Monefrat immediately.”

Lady Millicent continued to panic, “But, I-”

She fell silent upon seeing the determination on my face.

“Very well, madam,” she curtsied, before exiting my chamber.

Several seconds of silence passed before Tristan spoke again.

“You’ve made the right decision, Rose,” he said reassuringly.

“I hope so,” I replied, staring out of the window, my eyes focusing on nothing in particular. “This Franck Loubet is the only person alive that is on my side. Without him I have nobody-”

“Rose, you have many friends here at court that, like Franck and Prince Damiano, hold deep love for your father, and who wish for nothing more than to see your uncle be brought to justice for his crimes,” said Tristan. “People like Jacob Chamberlain the Duke of Monefrat, and Cedric Brereton the Duke of Odin, as well as the Duke of Chaimer, and several members of the Council-”

“And you?” I asked suddenly, turning to face him.

Tristan said nothing. He simply stared at me for several seconds before clearing his throat awkwardly. “I shall see you downstairs,” he said, the coldness returning to his voice as he briskly exited my chambers.

My heart sank as I watched him leave. I knew he was still hurt about what had happened between us. I wished with all my heart that I could apologise to him for everything I said and everything I did all those months ago, yet, try as I might, I could find no words to do my feelings justice, nor could I gather the courage to speak them.

Perhaps it was better this way, I said to myself. For now, I had much more important things to worry about than my love for a man that I knew I could never have.

***


Lady Millicent and I descended the staircase just in time to see Frederick briskly approaching Tristan who stood outside the palace entrance along with the Duke of Monefrat.

“Ah, Tristan, Jacob, there you are,” said Frederick.

“Sire, the carriage has arrived and my men are in position,” said the Duke of Monefrat. “We are ready to leave on your command.”

“Yes,” said Frederick as he eyed the luggage that was now being carried out by the man-servants. “Well, there’s been a change of plan. Lady Rose will no longer be required to leave the palace.”

“But, why, sire?” asked Tristan, tentatively. “I thought that you wanted her safeguarded from any news that may distress her.”

“Yes, that was my initial desire,” said Frederick. “However, I have just received a letter from King Maurice stating that he strongly recommends that Lady Rose remain inside the Palace at all times. He believes that the rebel leader, a man who they've managed to identify as Franck Loubet, may attempt to approach Lady Rose while at Monefrat, after which he will try to pollute her mind against her uncle.”

I listened on in horror.

“It is for this reason I have decided that it would be best if the Lady Rose remains here in the palace under my personal protection. As for Monefrat, I have alerted the guards stationed in and around my residence there. If Maurice’s suspicions are correct and Franck has indeed planned to try and meet with Lady Rose there, then with any luck, we may catch him and have him executed by tomorrow morning.”

In an instant, the little hope that remained inside me disappeared completely.
.................

links to other chapters
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53716.html (chapter 1)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53746.html (chapter 2)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53800.html (chapter 3)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53888.html (chapter 4)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic54024.html (chapter 5)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic54589.html (chapter 6)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic55095.html (chapter 7)

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/post644335.html (chapter 8.

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/post652505.html (chapter 9.
Last edited by *coco on Fri Jul 22, 2011 12:18 pm, edited 10 times in total.
"Do you know what my heart says now? It says that I should forget about politics and be with you. No matter what. You're a true Queen, a Queen any King would kill for." - Prince Francis ♕




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this is really good but I saw a couple mistakes and puncuation in the wrong places. Just go through and read it all and fix some of the errors. Keep up the writing! Can't wait for your next chapter.
- SnickerDooly
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Hey there Coco! It's Mo, here to review. :D

I really like this. I think it's very well written, although I did see one or two errors here and there that you might want to go and fix.

I enjoyed the twist in this, but I do think that maybe it happened a little bit too quickly. Tristan and Rose seem to have it all figured out in a matter of minutes, I think that maybe you could lengthen that period, not by much, but just to make it a little bit more realistic.

I like the twist toward the end of the paragraph, and I think you did that really well, although I think that not all of the people would be naive enough to believe that every single rebel had been killed. Thats just how it seemed to me, although that often is a possibility in this sort of situation.

Good job, thanks for posting this. I very much enjoyed reading this. :D

~Mo.
Mo. was here. :) mwahahaha




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:lol: Okay, so I read this chapter late at night then I had a dream about it but it was in modern times... The Chapter was awesome as usual :) .

I'm kind of confused with all the kings there are in your story. Midas is the Uncle, but who's Ulric? I thought it was her father at first. Was it the other King who already has a heir?

Here are some things I noticed:
You often forget to capitalize "King" as in "king Ulric". King is a title so it should be capitalized like how you capitalize "Lady".

My mind began racing. For some reason I found myself starting to recall distant memories of my uncle arguing with my father, I remembered how he had once threatened to kill him, and how, at the time, I had thought nothing of it...

Who threatened to kill whom? Did her Uncle threaten to kill her father or vice versa?

Frederick did not look at me, but turned to face Sir Theodore. “Send an envoy to Asinya, tell them we shall meet with their ambassador immediately.”

Change the comma after "Asinya" to a period or semicolon. They're two sentences.

“Majesty,” he bowed, before hurriedly leaving.

I'm not an expert at this, but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to write it like this: “Majesty.” He bowed, before hurriedly leaving. It's because "he bowed" is not describing what he said.

Tristan lowered his gaze for a moment before looking up again. “Do you remember, that night after Lord Berkshire’s dinner party, I had told you that no matter what happened I would always be there for you?”
If you put "when" before "I had told..." it sounds better, at least in my opinion.

As the hours passed I sat in my chambers clutching a rosemary bead in my hand, my mind still racing from the recent events that had unfolded.

Comma after "As the hours passed".

An image of a short, stout and grey-haired man wearing the Asinyan colours materialised in front of me.

Comma after "stout".

Lady Millicent, I can assure you we that will not be caught,” said Tristan, firmly.

No need for the comma that divides "Tristan" and "firmly".

“Indeed!” boomed Frederick. “We have just got word from our own ambassador in Asinya and according to him, only a few minutes ago the Asinyan troops managed to locate the rebel’s just North of Briar village. I have been told that all one hundred thousand have been rounded up and hung along with their friends and family. Even the ring leader has also been captured.”

100,000 rebels are a lot of people. Adding their friends and family makes it even more...

A mixture of fear, disappointment, anger and disbelief entered inside me all at once and numbed my every senses.

Comma after "anger".

Keep on writing!!! Sorry about a late reply, my computer deleted my review the other day. Can't wait to see what happens next!!!
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

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P.S How did they hang all of those people within a matter of hours?
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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Hi Coco!
Alright so I don't have much nitpicks here. But I've got to say the beginning of this chapter was full of excitement and I was ready to see her leave but by the end, my recent high just crashed. I couldn't believe everything was suddenly okay I mean, it was just too fast, you know?
And I still wish to see more of frederick's side in this story. To me, he's still a stranger and he's always gone and I'm always wondering what he's doing and why he acts the way he does. There's a reason besides being unable to birth a heir right? Like some sort of past or something? I'll keep waiting but in the end I did enjoy reading this, I like the new drama that's coming out of this so keep it up! :)

~Pink
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Thanks so much guys. As usual your reviews were worth the wait :D
"Do you know what my heart says now? It says that I should forget about politics and be with you. No matter what. You're a true Queen, a Queen any King would kill for." - Prince Francis ♕




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I've already read this, so I really have nothing to say.

I think you need more explanation of Tristan and her relationship. I'm still not sure why he is so fascinated by her.

Also, do no other members of the court notice Tristan's weird behavior? You should have others say something, that was a bit unrealistic that only two people in the room noticed.

Send me the link when the next one comes!

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Hey Coco! Sorry this is a little late ...


Anyway, I like this chapter. It's been some time since I read the story, but this is a nice follow-up with an interesting plot-line.

However, throughout the chapter, some things seem a little hard to believe. For instance, the rebel numbers seem HUGE, and an extremely big number to be hung in a village square, don't you think? Maybe it would be more realistic if he said something along the lines of the rebel leaders? Because, well, even if he is lying about it, the figures still need to be sort of believable.

Secondly, it all happens a little fast for my liking. I don't know ... but the whole thing was just rushing by me. Also, until Frederic, there was no problem at all for them getting ready and planning what they were going to do. Conflict is good. :wink:

But, well, yeah. As I am kind of late with this, it seems like everyone's pointed out the main stuff. I'd just remember to keep things from being too perfect and keep it real.

~Amy
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Hey coco. I really cannot believe that I came on time for the last review. I finally complete every chapter. :)

For a moment I gazed at Lord Wotton, shock and horror thundering through my every vein as the words he had just uttered sinisterly echoed inside me.
See what I mean by using different kinds of phrases? I liked the colored part a lot. It was original, and fun to read.

“I SAID DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME!” Frederick roared suddenly, his piercing eyes met mine with such intense ferocity that it robbed me of my remaining courage to protest.
The red words are another thing that have been repeated in the ninth chapter a lot.

It was as though the walls were closing in on me, as though I could no longer breathe...
I liked this. :)

I think your writing is really great and you should not stop posting this as this has left us hanging on one side, and I cannot wait to read what is going to happen next and where the romance heads to. Right now, this story seems more like a politic thing rather than Romance fiction, which it ought to be. But look I am not complaining for this as I know that off an on there is that romance element, and personally I am not a person into hard romance, so this is cool with me.

I would like to say about one thing-you tend to repeat words and phrases a lot, and maybe this is the negative thing about your writing and apart from this I like almost everything. 'My heart sank', 'a dagger to my heart', etc.are some of the phrases which get repeated in almost every chapter.

Also, I think sometimes you exaggerate a lot with your descriptions about her emotions. It's good to elucidate, but not in a way that starts suffocating the reader, especially when the descriptions sound similar everytime.

You asked me other day in the chat that what should you do next with the story. Whether she should stay with Frederick or go with Tristan. Then here's my answer. Personally I don't know what would readers love to read. But taking that this a Rom. Fiction, so the end usually should be happy so she should be with Tristan. But on the other hand, once when she has her child then Frederick won't let the child go with her if she leaves Fred, and she shouldn't be going leaving her child(as a responsible mother). I think I have confused you even more. :P

There's this other thing I would like to mention that since she is pregnant then she should be feeling something for her child growing inside of her. Don't you think so? Just make us feel that she is expecting a child, by her behaviour.

Good luck writing, and PM me when you post more. :)

~Shubhi
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore




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Reviews 38
I really like this story!!!
I've read all ten chapters just now lol The plot is really appealing and it's so unique and really good.
I can't wait for the next few chapters and see what happens between Rose and Tristan.
"We love the ones that ignore us
But ignore the ones that love us"

Alexx



I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
— mellifera