Land of Sky, Land of Rain (Chapter Twenty-Two)

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Kathleen...?” I ask, tentatively.

The others stare at me. Then, Iarin gasps and points at something over my shoulder.

I whirl to see the Wraith dissolving into thin air.

“What the–“

"I am only here to release the Kuarthians at the appropriate time,” it says tonelessly, as if it weren’t turning from a shadowy but still definitely solid creature to so much dust in the air. “Now that the last one is awake... well, in any case, before I am gone, there is one last thing I must tell Subject Thirteen.”

“What’s that?” I ask, suddenly hostile. I’ve learned enough crazy stuff to last me a couple months, thanks.

You should listen, Eri says, in case it’s important. You know, I honestly find your inability to keep up with what’s going on absolutely appalling.

Yeesh. Even inside my head, the other me is totally obnoxious.

Don’t blame me, it isn’t my job to sugar-coat your stupidity, she adds, Maybe if you’d paid attention in Yoake and Chiren, you might have understood Koreth’s fate sooner.

Lovely. Just what I’ve always wanted: another voice to add to my own, sitting in my head and pointing out all my mistakes. Merry freaking Christmas, everybody.

Maybe if you’d paid attention, you could have stopped him from leaving for Lirena in the first place, I retaliate.

Eri doesn’t answer, but I can feel her hurt rebounding back to me as though we’re linked in emotions, as well. Well, good. That’s what you get for trying to blame it all on me.

“Subject Thirteen,” the Wraith says, a trace of urgency in his voice, “Subject Thirteen, pay attention.”

“I’m listening,” I say.

I’m listening as well. You’ll probably miss something important.

“Fine, Eri’s listening, too.”

“Good. Listen closely. You, Subject Thirteen, are special. Your two souls make you a truly irreplaceable being. You are the most vital part of a great plan, and yours is a destiny any Kuarthian would be proud to bear. You, and only you, are the key needed to open the final Gate.”

“What are you–“

Silence. I can’t hear a thing with you babbling.

“But, Subject Thirteen, whether you accept that destiny is up to you. No one here can make you do what is right. You’ll have to let go of old grudges, help the one you now call an enemy. You might refuse all this, I cannot be sure. I’d think, even being raised as a human, you’d still have some sense of Kuarthian pride, but I might be incorrect. However, the time for you to make your choice is approaching... whether hours or years into the future, I do not know. I ask you to make the right choice. And if you need help deciding, think of this: many people, many, many people, have died and suffered on both sides of this war; all for the sake of Kagami’s greater plan. If you should refuse your destiny, Subject Thirteen, then all their sacrifice would have been worthless. They’d have died in vain.”

“Just what the hell do you mean by–“

But the Wraith just stands there, towering and solemn, and fades away into the chill night air, becoming nothing but the faintest dust.

Goddamn it. When is anyone ever going to tell me what’s going on here? I don’t ask much, people. But if you’re going to make me the big central figure in your great master plan, you might want to tell me what the hell it’s supposed to be. Especially if I’m supposed to have a choice in how it all plays out. If I make a wrong choice, thousands of people will have died in vain, so why doesn’t anyone tell me what choice I’ll have to make? Why doesn’t anyone just say what I should decide? I mean, I hate to sound like a hopeless, unthinking lemming here, but why can’t anybody just tell me what to do already? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but most of the decisions I’ve made on my own didn’t turn out so well.

Whether it was my whole Sailor Moon moment back in Chiren, or trying to get Attaraya’s help, or going to Dara-Kozca, or coming here, every choice I’ve made has led me deeper and deeper into the pit I’ve been in since arriving. I mean, I know I’m stupid, and all, I’m painfully aware of just how deep my layer of absolute idiocy goes, but maybe if someone would let me in on what’s going on once in a great long while, my inability to think things through wouldn’t show up as much. But no, no one’s willing to tell me anything. All I’ve got is the few things people have bothered to speak up about, and stupid, stupid me. If given just what I had, would anyone else have done as abysmal a job as I have? I doubt it. Why’d I have to screw everything up? I don’t know, but if someone had helped me out a bit here, I bet I could have done better. So why not just let me know what it is that you want me to do so badly?

And what’s all this about "helping the one you now call an enemy"? I’m supposed to help Kagami? That’s a joke, right? That had better be a joke. I mean, for pity’s sake, he’s Kagami. He’s the biggest bastard on this side of the planet, and I’m supposed to join up and help him with whatever crazy half-baked plan he’s been working on this whole time? Look, I’m hanging out with a fugitive spy who practices internationally forbidden magic, but I draw the line at Kagami. I’m sorry, no way. No freaking way. I’m supposed to forgive him? I’m supposed to be like, “Oh, sorry, old chum, let’s get along now, okay?” I’d gladly kill Kagami, I’m not going to ally with him. Not after what he’s done to Sae, Iarin, Attaraya, Koreth, and me. This stupid Wraith must be absolutely deluded, and Kagami worse, if he thinks I’m going to give him a hand, after all that’s happened.

And what’s all this bullcrap about pride as a Kuarthian? I found out I was Kuarthian like, what, fifteen minutes ago? Besides, apparently most of them were total jerks. How am I supposed to feel proud about that? As far as I’m concerned, I can stick with the inferior humans. I’ll just stay with the folks who didn’t want to use me as a disposable weapon, thanks very much.

Everything the Wraith said is all crap. I’m never helping Kagami. I don’t care what I’d have to do, what would happen if I didn’t, whatever. I don’t care about any of it. I’m not going to be responsible for other people’s suffering, not anymore. I will be making the correct decision this time, and it won’t involve buddying up with Kagami. Of course, it would be helpful if I could come to that decision knowing precisely what I’ll have to refuse to do, so I don’t let this decision fly right by me when it comes up, but hey, you can’t have everything.

“Hey, Emma, looks like your friend here is getting up,” Attaraya tells me.

Kathleen’s eyes flutter open, and I bend down to talk to her.

“Kathleen?” I ask, softly.

She stares at me for a moment, looking disoriented. “Em...ma?” she inquires, voice hazy.

“Yes.”

Her pretty hazel eyes seem to clear. “Emma! Where have you been all this time? People have been looking for you, you were on the news and the missing children board at Wal-Mart. Mom keeps blaming me, she says it was all my fault, but she’s still mad about everything that went on in seventh grade, you know? I told her it was your fault, not mine, but I don’t think she gets it. I mean, come on, you’re fine now, right? I even tried to apologize. Besides, Dad sides with me, he says you were being stupid, and it had to happen at some point–“

I even tried to apologize, huh? Yeah, by placing all the blame on me. Great way to apologize, Kathleen.

You know, it’s been a rough few weeks. And listening to Kathleen prattle on and on about... all that, it’s not exactly helping. I shoot her a meaningful look, trying to get her to shut up, but she keeps yapping, and to my ears her voice sounds irrationally high-pitched, grating, words drilling into my head not just for their content but for the apparent unconcern with which she says them, as though stating long-established facts.

“Kathleen,” I try to interrupt, but she plows right on.

“Anyway, that’s all over,” she says, pretty much echoing my thoughts exactly. “But what about now? Where are we? Where have you been all this time? How did you get here? How did I get here? You do know, don’t you? This is weird, help me out here.”

“Well...” I say, haltingly, “It’s a long story... we’re kind of in a hurry.”

“I don’t care if it’s a long story! Please, tell me what’s going on!”

Look, the clock is ticking here. We’ve got to find Kagami and Koreth before it’s too late, they could be on the other side of the world by now. “I’m sorry, Kathleen. Like I said, we need to get out of here. There’s someone we have to find–“

”Then take me with you!”

“W-well...” I can’t just abandon her in Irim Kuarth, after all she’s done for me...

“She’ll get in the way, Emma. She’ll get hurt. We can’t take her with us, at least until we’re off this continent and out of harm’s way. We can leave her somewhere safe, then. Litha, maybe. But until then, she’ll be in danger with us.”

Kathleen seems to notice Sae for the first time. Her eyes go huge, her jaw drops. I don’t blame her. Sae isn’t exactly normal by anybody’s standards.

Her gaze travels past Sae with difficulty and lights on Iarin and Attaraya, who are hovering at a distance behind me, looking decidedly left out.

“E-emma?” Kathleen asks solemnly.

“Yes?”

“What’s with the circus freaks?”

“Circus freaks? I am not a... how dare you! And after all we’ve done to save you here!” The only thing preventing Attaraya from lunging over at a very confused Kathleen is Iarin’s hand pulling on the back of her shirt.

Sae gives her an irritated glance. “You’re making a fool of yourself, circus freak.” she says.

“Why you little–“

”My point is, I think I have a right to know what’s going on! I mean, one moment I was talking with–“ Kathleen pauses, eyes going wide, “Oh, I just remembered to tell you! They were absolutely right about Mike! I couldn’t believe it, I–“ her voice falters a bit, “It was a close call, actually. If you hadn’t... done whatever you did to bring me here... it might have been bad.”

“They” were right. Is it me, or is Kathleen’s voice suddenly squeaky, screechy, and annoying again? I was the one who had told her. But of course she wasn’t going to say so. Not after what she’d done when she thought I was lying.

Oh, "they" were right, were they? Well, she should have listened to "them," instead of breaking the messenger’s arm, so to speak.

For more than a year, Kathleen convinced me to blame myself. Made me sure it was my fault. Even made me apologize to her for it. And I’d believed everything she’d said, of course. I’d hero-worshiped Kathleen. When she told me what I’d done was wrong, I’d believed her wholeheartedly and was horrified by my mistake. But now, here she is, sitting right in front of me, talking about how “they” were right all along, now weren’t they.

Suddenly, though the thought sickens me, the idea of abandoning Kathleen in Irim Kuarth sounds a lot more plausible.

I mean, what has Kathleen ever done for me?

She was the one and only friend I ever had, that’s what.

Not for long. Not for long, she wasn’t. And then she–

No, don’t think about that. If I don’t have Kathleen with me, I’ll be alone. All alone.

I have Koreth. And Iarin, Attarya, Sae. And Eri, though that’s more a curse than a blessing.

Not for long, though. Koreth will die.

I’ll find a way–

No I won’t. Even if I do, Koreth will hate me. For not being there. For not protecting him. As for the others, they’ll hate me too, in the end. People always do. I’ll screw up somehow, and they’ll abandon me.

Won’t Kathleen do the same, though? I wonder.

No, she won’t. I remind myself, What happened was all my fault. If I don’t screw up like that again–

But... “they” were right in the end. I was right in the end.

Kathleen couldn’t have known that.

But she could have listened.

We cannot bring her with us.

Shut up, Eri. This is my problem.

This is no one’s problem. Your pitiful debate didn’t happen. It never even existed.

But does that mean it wasn’t real?

Of course it does.

I snap back to the present and to Kathleen’s glaring countenance in my face. “What?” I ask her.

“Emma, you brought me here, so put me back.”

“I didn’t bring you here! I don’t know how to send you back.”

“Then tell me what’s going on!” Kathleen snaps, shoving me and stamping her foot like a spoiled child. I stagger back and regain my balance.

“There isn’t time, Kathleen.”

“There isn’t time, Kathleen,” she mocks, her voice raised to a squeal of derision. “Well, why the hell isn’t there time?”

“Look we’ve got to find Koreth–“

"Who the–“ Kathleen punctuates her question with something unprintable, “–Is Koreth? Is that your boyfriend or something? What about me? We’re best friends, Emma.”

“Oh, now we’re best friends, huh?” I ask, feeling my temper rise, “I see. You’re in trouble, so now we’re best friends. It all makes sense now.”

“You owe me, Emma.” Kathleen says, voice rising in pitch again. “After what you said... when you apologized for all that, you said you’d help me whenever I needed it! You said you’d do anything as long as I forgave you! You have to do what I say, you promised!”

She looks at me with pure triumph in her eyes, the expression of a contented cat on her face. And at that moment, I know it has to be done.

Kathleen will be fine on her own. She doesn’t need me. She has Kuarthian strength. But Koreth needs my help. We’ve got to find him.

And Koreth never hurt me the way Kathleen has, never treated me like a tool the way Kathleen has, never. Right now I’ve got a choice between the two of them, and I’ve made my decision.

“Yes, Kathleen. I did promise. But since it turns out I shouldn’t have had to apologize in the first place, I’m going to consider all promises null and void, okay?”

“What the... You can’t just leave me here! You can’t!”

“Look, Kathleen, if we run into who we’re looking for, you’ll be in the way,” I say, my dramatic line somewhat ruined by the tears I’m choking back. “I’ll have to protect you. And–“ I raise my left arm in a little sarcastic wave, “I didn’t come out of it so well the last time I tried to protect you, did I?”

“Emma...”

I take a step back. Kathleen takes a step forward.

“Kathleen, stop,” I say, hoping that will serve as warning enough.

“You can’t make me stay here. I’m coming with you.”

Sae lifts a hand, and the grass surrounding Kathleen sets off into a ring of flames, shooting up high to the sky, forming an impassable barrier between her and us.

“Th-the rest of the grass will catch...” Iarin says softly.

Sae shakes her head, “I won’t let it. The fire goes where I want it to go,” she glances up at me. “It won’t harm your friend, either.”

“I don’t care.” I say, though I do.

Sae shrugs. “In any case, she won’t be there for very long. I’ll let her go as soon as we’re out of sight.”

I glance at the pillar of fire, through which I can see the blurred image of Kathleen, can hear her shouting with panic over the roar of the flames, eyes wide with very real fear, and I don’t want to leave her like this. I don’t want too. But Koreth’s depending on me. Kathleen will just slow us down.

I turn my back on her. I turn my back on my old broken arm and Kathleen and her boyfriend and the sneers of my classmates. I turn my back on a fake world, fake memories, and a fake best friend. I turn my back on Emma Bering. And I don’t say goodbye.

* * * * *

“I don’t think he’s here, Em.” Attaraya says.

“Right,” I say, gritting my teeth, “where is he, then?”

Sae sighs, “Who knows? Kagami’s just where he wants to be.”

“Th-the Wraith.” Iarin says.

“The Wraith’s gone, Iarin.”

“N-no, didn’t you say the Wraith was supposed to tell you where Koreth is?”

I stare at her, wide-eyed. It’s been almost an hour of searching since we left Kathleen, and that idea hasn’t occurred to any of us?

“Maybe it... slipped his mind?” Attaraya asks, tentatively.

“Can’t have. It’s mind doesn’t work like that, it’s not human. The Wraith told us all it wanted us to know.”

I feel my heart sink to my stomach. “Then... it was a trap?”

“Or a distraction.”

Again! I’ve managed to screw things up all over again! Kagami’s tricked us, once again. And again, it’s Koreth who will suffer for it.

“E-emma.”

“I get it, Iarin! I messed up again, do you have to rub it in?”

“N-no, Emma. They’re here.”

I whirl around to see a tall figure silhouetted against the falling sun, not far away. A voice echoes across the plains, spoken quietly, but somehow carrying anyway, so that I can hear it clearly.

“Well. You’re early. What a pleasant surprise.”

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Well, there goes my New Year's resolution. XD Oh well. THREE MOAR CHAPTERS, GAIZ. We're almost there. Thanks so much for sticking around this long. *throws cookies*

Oh Emma. *headdesk* Unfortunately, teh emo doesn't get any better from here on out. >_< Well... I never said this story wasn't full of fail.