riddle me this;
have you ever been tiptoed around,
because the people you love are afraid of you?
-
have you ever bumped into someone at school,
and heard them murmur,
better wash my hands.
-
have you ever been forced to take pills,
so many pills,
just so your parents can handle you?
-
have you ever relapsed
in a school bathroom,
then had to go back to class and act like you're fine?
-
have you ever wondered,
what it means to live?
and what the point is at all?
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I like how relatable this poem is. The first two stanzas are great, with how the lengths of the lines and the rhythm are. They establish a mood and flow very well. The first line, “riddle me this” immediately informs the reader that they’re going to be asked questions, and the next questions are very detailed and personal.
The third stanza, in my opinion, has an unnecessary repeat of “so many pills” in the third line. I would suggest adding the quantity in the first line, like “a fistful of pills”. While I’m not too sure what exactly makes the second line, “so many pills” not fit in with the pattern, I would suggest changing the second line to something else with a verb. There’s a verb in every line in the first two stanzas, so….(take my review with a bag of salt). This also applies to the fourth stanza, for the line, “in a school bathroom.” In my humble opinion, “in a school bathroom” could be in the first line, and another detail using a verb could be used in the second. Alternatively to using a new line, you could also rearrange the stanza,
Into,
“Have you ever relapsed in a school bathroom,
Then had to go back to class
And act like you’re fine?”
This seems to flow better, and has a verb in every line to fit the pattern that seems to be established by the first two stanzas.
The last stanza is usually meant to be a closure stanza, and it certainly ends with a topic I personally find really meaningful, however, the last line, while not necessarily needing a verb, could also be reworded. It’s definitely optional to reword it for readability, and I think it would still be great without being reworded, so the choice is up to you.
It feels like this poem is looking for relatability, somebody who can truly understand all of these difficulties and say, “yes, I have. I have, too.”
I personally found this poem extremely relatable, and I really appreciate it. I hope you’re feeling better!
This was really good! The examples you gave were really nice and original, loved em. The ending I was hoping would be a little less cliche but still overall the poem was really nice!