how lucky i am
to be given this life to have this
this opportunity
to do some good in the world
to do something worth writing, to do
to do something meaningful
~
at least
that's what i tell myself every day in
in the mirror i smile and i think,
i think that maybe i take things for granted
"god gave me this life" no.
i gave me this life.
i choose to keep going despite
despite the pining in my brain telling me just,
just to give up already and i,
~
i think about the people,
the ones who were given a life and had it taken,
taken so soon in a way where they couldn't experience the joys,
the joys of life and all it's being.
so i think i need to keep going because it's the only rational choice i,
i was given this life,
so i have to live it.
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141,555 Literary Works • 674,948 Reviews
Hey yuuki, Alex is back with a review! I was going through the short poems in my bookmarks to work on today and landed on this. Hope you don't mind, let's get into it~
I feel like the repetition of 'this' serve enough of a purpose here? Plus, the 'to have' could be shifted to the next line for better structure and clarity in reading.
The 'to do' hangs awkwardly here, and isn't necessarily needed, since the next line already has it.
Chills, yuuki! This was impressively philosophical and incredibly well written. The timing was also great work, so well done!
This really puts things in perspective for a whole lot of us.. The contrast is striking and the realisation of privilege is very humbling. Really eye-opening line right here!
The honesty is so very raw and surprising here, and I respect that immensely. It's something most of us are too afraid to admit out long, and so this poem makes a bold impression.
As real as this is, I find it unrewarding? I love the poem for its truth, but I'd expect the ending to be more fulfilling, as in the narrator is cherishing the life they're given as it's such a blessing. But it is ultimately your choice!
At the end of the day, this is a fabulous poem that deals with a heavy theme rather effortlessly. There's a certain honesty throughout that makes the voice really compelling and irresistible. Some bits need to be cut to be made more concise but otherwise the flow is pretty smooth. Keep writing like this and I hope to review more from you someday~
Love, Alex
eeeeee
Hey Yuuki! Hope you are doing well today! I'm here to review your lovely poem as part of review day, so let's get right into it.
I love the sentiment presented here right off the bat. You're so right to be grateful for your life, and this is something I always have to remind myself when I am having a bad day; my bad day is not as bad as some people's best days. There are people across our world living in war, poverty, abusive situations, and so we must be grateful if we are not in those situations. I especially like how you write that you have the opportunity to 'do some good in this world' as just being grateful is not enough. We should strive to use our lives to help those less fortunate and make it a better place for everyone, not just ourselves!!
I absolutely love the lines: "god gave me this life" no. / i gave me this life.' as this is what I also believe. I am not religious, and when someone tries to impose their idea of morality and life onto me, I want to comeback and say that no, I am not good for some God, I am good for myself, i live for myself, and my life and path are in my own hands. It's a great sentiment to say that even when you feel like giving up, you keep going. I can relate a lot to this
a very poignant image to end on. A really lovely poem, Yuuki, well done!
thank you!!!
I enjoyed this poem. The repetition gives it a natural, stream-of-consciousness quality, making the speaker’s thoughts feel as if they are unfolding in real time. The typography enhances this effect; the progressively lighter shades make the three sections seem like variations of the same thought. The transition into “at least that's what I tell myself every day” is particularly effective, as it complicates the optimism of the opening and suggests that the speaker may be trying to convince themselves as much as the reader.
The final stanza is where I find the poem most interesting. The shift from gratitude to obligation creates a strong tension in the contrast between being “given” a life and feeling that one thus “has to live it.” I appreciate how the speaker frames this as “the only rational choice,” making the ending feel less like a celebration of life and more like an argument the speaker has constructed for themselves. There are a few places where the wording feels slightly awkward, particularly “the joys of life and all its being,” although that awkwardness might align well with the spontaneous quality of the speaker’s thoughts.
thank youuuu