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Young Writers Society



Sin.

by yamatri


The first sin of humanity was trusting each other.

.

Eve trusted the snake.

Adam trusted Eve

And I trust you.

No matter what God said.

No matter the rules of heaven

.

I trust you.

maybe that's a sin. 

maybe it will lead us to our doom.

.

But what a sin compared to a women's love anyway

what's God to your wife.

What heaven I can't find sitting next to her.


Based on this work by maybecowboycore from Tumblr. Several lines are also borrowed from linked post.

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129 Reviews

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Reviews: 129

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Tue Feb 28, 2023 12:11 am
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yosh wrote a review...



Hey there yamatri! I love this poem you have here. It's short and concise, but it gets the point across. I love dark tones in this poem, and the sort of betrayed feeling that the narrator conveys.

Getting into the details, it looks like this poem is mostly about the narrators misgivings about trust. Clearly, the narrator has been betrayed and is regretting it (betrayed in love, most likely, given the context and certain lines), and now finds that perhaps trust is not as amazing as it sounds!

Eve trusted the snake.

Adam trusted Eve

And I trust you.


These lines hit hard. Now you bring in a famous example of betrayed trust. Adam and Eve. And interestingly enough, this wasn't just a linear betrayal of trust, it was actually more complicated. Eve believed the snake, which was a breach of Adam's trust. However, the snake lied to her, which was a breach of Eve's trust.

Mirroring this, the narrator says 'I trust you' following these two lines. It gives the reader a pause for thought. While the narrator seems to have been betrayed by their lover, perhaps there is more to this event that meets the eye. The narrator may have been betraying another person's trust, while the lover may have been betrayed by another.

I trust you.

maybe that's a sin.

maybe it will lead us to our doom.


Here, the narrator repeats a line-- 'I trust you'. Interestingly, I notice that this isn't written as 'I trusted you' or 'I won't trust you'. It implies that the narrator, in fact, is aware of betrayal, but still trusts the lover despite it.

And finally, it ends with a final longing stanza filled with regret (and clarifies that the narrator is female? The poem is a little vague, and not very wordy so the reader doesn't really get to know much about the narrator.)

I also want to add that the image is interesting! I'm not sure what you meant to express when you put it there, but I couldn't help but notice that the two apples were almost identical to one another. I thought it might imply that the narrator could only be seeing one side of this equation, and that the lover perhaps also felt betrayed?

Anyways, I'm sorry you had to listen to my little rant about your wonderful poem. These are just my thoughts after reading it, but thank you for giving me an opportunity to review this gem!

-yosh

eggo isn't actually eggs




yamatri says...


hey yosh , it was great reading your review, and no it was not a problem listening to your interpretation of the poem.
every reader finds something that only they can see and that is the beauty of art, so it was not a problem, to say the least and it really helped me see things in a different light.

for me I wrote this more of as a love poem, a poem about love and a bond between humans that is so strong that even if trusting and loving another human is a sin, condemned by god I would still trust them, like the love of Adam for eve made him trust her and so he bit the apple , and eve loved Adam so she shared the apple

and the narrator is a male who is talking about his wife in the last para you can see ,

the two apples are kind of like the narrator and his wife in a homely plate as Adam and eve, two lovers who might have been kicked out of heaven, but they still have each other to share the apple



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Mon Feb 27, 2023 3:08 am
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Abysalyounglord wrote a review...



"This is a short but powerful poem that explores the theme of trust and love, drawing inspiration from the biblical story of Adam and Eve. The poem is written in a simple and straightforward style, but its message is clear and resonant.

One of the things that stands out about the poem is its use of religious symbolism to convey a message about human relationships. By referencing the story of Adam and Eve, the poem is able to tap into a rich tradition of cultural and religious mythology to explore timeless themes of love, trust, and betrayal.

The repetition of the phrase "I trust you" throughout the poem is also effective in creating a sense of intimacy and connection between the speaker and their partner. The line "What's God to your wife" is particularly powerful, as it suggests that the love and trust between two people is more important than any external authority or rules.

If there was one suggestion for improvement, it would be to perhaps expand on the theme of trust and what it means in the context of the poem. The poem is relatively short, and while the message is clear, it could benefit from a bit more development and exploration of the idea of trust and how it relates to love and relationships."




yamatri says...


I was kind of deliberately going for a shorter version in this poem, though I will give it a try to expand it may be, thank u very much for the review.




But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane