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She had to watch her lover burn

by yamatri


she had to watch her lover burn.

countless promises and dreams

everything that he took with him.

maybe this was her punishment.

or maybe this was his,

for some sin they committed

but whose sin was more,

is death the greatest punishment?

or parting half your soul

does he feel the pain, she is suffering?

or as they say. he is at peace.

.

.

it was luck, they found love. 

two old torn hearts

a little late for romance

but they had their lives ahead,

finally, together

so, they made countless promises.

a blueprint of their dream

50 years of love stored within was finally unleashed.

.

.

but now she stares at the blank sky.

the hope of love, the hope of life 

anger dripping from her eyes.

why did he come if he had to leave

why did he show her all those dreams

.

she was good before he met-her

and would have stayed that way.

she should have known better. 

in the end, what can we say.

.

the likes of her never learn? 

she had to watch her lover burn 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

.

.

(In my culture people are cremated after death, this poem is inspired by the story of someone I am very close with)


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15 Reviews

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Reviews: 15

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Mon Feb 27, 2023 3:04 am
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Abysalyounglord wrote a review...



"This is a poignant and heartbreaking poem that explores the pain and anguish of losing a loved one. The use of vivid imagery and emotional language effectively conveys the sense of loss and the conflicting emotions that come with it.

One thing that particularly stands out is the use of repetition throughout the poem, particularly in the first stanza with the repeated lines "maybe this was her punishment" and "or maybe this was his." This creates a sense of cyclical inevitability, as if the tragedy of their separation was fated to happen.

The contrast between the hopeful beginning of their relationship and the devastating end is also a powerful theme, and it effectively conveys the idea that life is unpredictable and often unfair.

If there was one suggestion for improvement, it would be to perhaps add a little more clarity in terms of the relationship between the two characters. While it is clear that they were in love, the poem does not provide much information about their backstory or what brought them together in the first place. Adding a bit more context could help to deepen the emotional impact of the poem even further."




yamatri says...


thanku, I was going for the same theme as you mentioned -the tragedy of life - you understood the theme I was going or very clearly, I am really glad you liked it, I will try to make the relationship more clear, you check my reply on lovestike's post , for what type of relationship I was talking about .



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Sun Feb 26, 2023 10:22 pm
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Lovestrike wrote a review...



Hi yamatri!

This is such a lovely poem! I really enjoy the way you've set it up.

I especially love the language choices! I think the whole "lost love" trope is honestly overused, but this is so perfect. It's mourning and sentimental, but it's not too much! There's something so simplistically beautiful about the topic and I guess you could also say that about love. The amount of description in every line is so impressive!

Also when it comes to your author's note, I think that adds a new layer! I didn't imagine the burning literally, but I think it's neat. The cultural ties are also interesting! Different cultures see love in different ways, so that means they also see death like that. Even the fact it's based on real people adds to that.

I can't really get a good sense of the couple's relationship though. At first, I imagined they were younger. Then, I thought they were older people who found love later in their lives. The second stanza changed my mind about both of those. Were they together for 50 years, or am I misunderstanding something? It's hard to tell! Especially with the "a little late for romance" line in that same second stanza!

I don't really notice anything else! I think some parts could have more of a narrative, but the amount of detail makes up for that. It would be nice to see more connection though! The two characters' relationship would feel more concrete that way.

This was gorgeous though! I really liked it! =D

— Solstice




yamatri says...


a little late for romance and 50 years of love stored meant, they met and fell in love during their fifties, after encountering multiple heartbreak and kind of giving up on love they found each other. , but during the pandemic, the other person passed away. and yeah burning meant the cremation here, I will definitely try to make it better. thanks for the review



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Sun Feb 26, 2023 3:15 am
AlienPoetry wrote a review...






yamatri says...


thank u very much, I am very glad you enjoyed it




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