Young Writers Society

"This is a poignant and heartbreaking poem that explores the pain and anguish of losing a loved one. The use of vivid imagery and emotional language effectively conveys the sense of loss and the conflicting emotions that come with it.

One thing that particularly stands out is the use of repetition throughout the poem, particularly in the first stanza with the repeated lines "maybe this was her punishment" and "or maybe this was his." This creates a sense of cyclical inevitability, as if the tragedy of their separation was fated to happen.

The contrast between the hopeful beginning of their relationship and the devastating end is also a powerful theme, and it effectively conveys the idea that life is unpredictable and often unfair.

If there was one suggestion for improvement, it would be to perhaps add a little more clarity in terms of the relationship between the two characters. While it is clear that they were in love, the poem does not provide much information about their backstory or what brought them together in the first place. Adding a bit more context could help to deepen the emotional impact of the poem even further."

Hi yamatri!

This is such a lovely poem! I really enjoy the way you've set it up.

I especially love the language choices! I think the whole "lost love" trope is honestly overused, but this is so perfect. It's mourning and sentimental, but it's not too much! There's something so simplistically beautiful about the topic and I guess you could also say that about love. The amount of description in every line is so impressive!

Also when it comes to your author's note, I think that adds a new layer! I didn't imagine the burning literally, but I think it's neat. The cultural ties are also interesting! Different cultures see love in different ways, so that means they also see death like that. Even the fact it's based on real people adds to that.

I can't really get a good sense of the couple's relationship though. At first, I imagined they were younger. Then, I thought they were older people who found love later in their lives. The second stanza changed my mind about both of those. Were they together for 50 years, or am I misunderstanding something? It's hard to tell! Especially with the "a little late for romance" line in that same second stanza!

I don't really notice anything else! I think some parts could have more of a narrative, but the amount of detail makes up for that. It would be nice to see more connection though! The two characters' relationship would feel more concrete that way.

This was gorgeous though! I really liked it! =D

— Solstice