The TECH Project, Chapter Two

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Author's Note: The second chapter of my novel, an action/adventure story. This is still setting the stage... Read the previous chapter to understand things better.

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FILE 2: Pre-Exposure

"Maria," a girl whined as she struggled to walk with someone, apparently her older sister. "Help me out here."

The older girl a few feet in front of her turned around, raised an eyebrow, then shook her head. The younger girl had a huge backpack, a huge purse, and a huge extra bag to carry. The older girl just carried a small backpack. She looked much more sensible to me.

Oh. Me.

I'm Vera Icharus. Today is my first day at my new high school. I kind of forgot that I should talk about myself. I don't usually do that sort of thing. I just watch people, and they don't notice. I bet those two girls didn't know I was watching.

I'm not remarkably pretty or anything – I'm about five feet and four inches tall, and I’m kind of skinny, which is why people don’t notice me much. They do notice my skin, though, because it’s an unusual color. Kind of golden brown. I don't know my ancestry or anything, because I was abandoned when I was born. My adoptive parents are really nice to me. My adoptive mom, Jessie, is especially nice. When I wanted to cut my hair like a girl I'd seen in a magazine, she steered me clear of that potential disaster and cut it just past my shoulders.

I was just sitting there, thinking about the first day of school. I even watched the people who walked by, trying to decide if they were high school students or college students. Our school is pretty new, and the city didn't have time to give us our own building. I guess the only alternative was to put the school on the university campus. The school is housed in a building on the smallest campus of the city university, where we have all of our classes in a few small rooms. Some of the older students – the sophomores, who make up the first class – take classes at the university, too.

But I'm getting distracted again.

"Zoe!" Maria called. She ran towards a taller girl with short-cut dirty blonde hair and threw her arms around her, squeaking in happiness. I smiled. They had to be best friends. My attention went to a set of boys coming down the small hallway towards me. They weren't very loud, but they were laughing happily. There were three: two very tall, and one about my height, but all distinctive.

The scary-looking one was half a foot or so taller than me and built like a football player. His light, golden-brown hair was cut like a Marines', and he had an unbuttoned black Oxford shirt over a black t-shirt. The other tall boy wasn't scary at all – he was skinny with curly brown hair that was long and poofy. I like that word. Poofy.

The other boy, the shorter one, was pale. He had blue eyes and feathery light brown hair, and from what I could see, he was the biggest idiot of the group. The guys looked happy to be back.

After them came another pair of girls. To me, they looked a lot alike. They were both very short, one five feet tall and the other almost half a foot less. They had round faces and round eyes, and dark blonde hair cut around their shoulders. But they didn't seem to get along.

"Just stay away from me, Amanda!" the taller girl half-yelled. "I don't want you anywhere near me today!"

"Why would I want to hang around you, Chloe?" the shorter girl, half-yelled back. "I don't want to be near the freak who's obsessed with the Team Erie Canal Heroes!"

The Team Erie Canal Heroes. Well, that's what the papers call them. I'm not really sure what they call themselves. Nobody's been near them long enough to ask. The team is a group of six people who fight crimes in the city. They're called the Team Erie Canal Heroes because of their first big crime-stopper at the old Erie Canal locks in Grand Rapids, Ohio, a few miles south of Toledo.

They're really cool. There are two boys and four girls, and they've got superpowers. Like people from comic books. I've got a poster in my room of the leader, Purple. The heroes are known by their stripe color. The girls are Purple, Yellow, Red, and White, and the boys are Light Blue and Dark Gray.

I started to notice that the hallways were clearing up. I actually wasn’t paying attention until just then. I guess I have a short attention span sometimes. I just notice the most random things at the most random times. I looked at the clock in a nearby café and saw that it was first bell. Time for class! My first period was American Studies, then Geometry, English, and finally Biology.

Biology.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
alwaysawriter
Review

Hi Xxfourthelement.

To me, she just seemed to ramble. You described her well, though, so good job on that.

I'm Vera Icharus. Today is my first day at my new high school. I kind of forgot that I should talk about myself. I don't usually do that sort of thing. I just watch people, and they don't notice. I bet those two girls didn't know I was watching.
She reminds me of myself when I have no idea what to say. It's good that you described her and everything, though.

To tell you the truth, I can't really see anything else that really sticks out at me. This has a lot of potential for a second chapter. I'm taking a bet that some of the people that stick out at Vera are the superheroes. It will be interesting to see just how this turns out though.
*Nods head* Nothing stood out to me either.

I liked how you introduced the superheros and I liked Vera even with her ramble. Sometimes you can't avoid not rambling and I think this is one of those chapters. If she didn't ramble, it would be too short and we wouldn't know anything about her.

I hope I was helpful, though I'm pretty sure I wasn't, and PM me if you need anything. :)

-alwaysawriter

User avatar
Conrad Rice
Review

This is interesting. I'm going to go ahead and just critique this as it is, rather than as part of a novel, because in a novel chapters ought to be able to stand alone at certain points.

Okay, I'm going to mess with you about the name of your character, but please don't take it too hard. Vera Icharus. It is interesting, I will give you that. So she was abandoned when she was born, and she was adopted. Who gave her this name? Was it on a nametag tied to her toe when she was found? Or did her adoptive parents give it to her? Either one will work. The only thing I would warn against is saying that she named herself. That is one of the indicators of a type of character called a Mary Sue. I'll let you look that up and find out for yourself what that means.

Now, for your superheroes you mention in passing. I have all the faith in the world that your character will become involved with them later. But, as names go again, Team Erie Canal Heroes? I only bring this one up because I read a ton of comic books and am rather familiar with the superhero mythos. Coming from that viewpoint, you might want to give them a little more inspiring name. However, that is your own prerogative in the end.

You describe one of the teenagers in the hall as scary-looking. Yet, in his physical description that immediately follows, you never say just what about him is scary looking. You might want to elucidate on that.

To tell you the truth, I can't really see anything else that really sticks out at me. This has a lot of potential for a second chapter. I'm taking a bet that some of the people that stick out at Vera are the superheroes. It will be interesting to see just how this turns out though. PM me if you have any questions.



I am deeply disturbed by your ability to meow.
— Carina