Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
My eyes darted open, looking around frantically. I placed a hand on my heaving chest when I noticed I was in my room. So it had been a dream. No, a nightmare.
I glanced over to the digital clock resting on a round, wooden table beside my bed. It read: 5:27 am in bold, neon green numbers. Adjusting my body so I could swing my legs out from under the slightly damp covers, I couldn’t help but think back to the dream.
For as long as I could remember, it had always been the same. However, each time, everything felt more dangerous, more real.
A light knock at my door made me flinch, and I looked over as my door opened a crack, revealing my mother.
“I just wanted to make sure you were up in time for school.” She said with a bright smile.
I leaned over to turn on my lamp, illuminating her tall figure across the room.
In one hand, she held a plate of homemade dutch crepe pancakes, sprinkled with powdered sugar, and lemon juice, as well as fresh strawberries and blueberries on the side. In the other hand was a mug, and I could smell the sharp coffee aroma mixing with the sweet and tart combination of the pancakes. My stomach growled.
She laughed, “I made your favorite,” she began, holding out the food, sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me for a long moment. “I know it’s been rough having to deal with me lately, and for that, I am sorry. I know it’s not fair,”
“No, it’s fine,” I interrupted as I took the plate from her extended hands, placing the coffee on the bedside table, “thanks for breakfast.” I added, looking down at the sugar trail that messily spelled out ‘Happy Birthday Nyx.’
Her eyes flickered sympathetically, and she nodded, apparently getting the message, “Have a good day.” With that, she left the room.
I let out a small sigh, quickly scooping a few bites of the pancakes into my mouth before standing up. ‘It would be better if I didn’t have to go to school.’ I thought to myself as I began throwing on some jeans and a white blouse. It was close-fitting around my torso, flowing up and out into cropped, wavy sleeves that fell halfway down the tops of my shoulders. It certainly wasn’t anything I ever would have chosen to wear on any Wednesday, but I had promised a close friend I would wear it today.
I looked at to the mirror over my dresser, and combed my fingers through my hair, fixing the loose, dark brown curls that fell just below my shoulders. It would have to do. For a moment, my eyes rested on the small, silver chain that fell over my chest from around the back of my neck. My fingers ran over the smooth, white stone blotched with stray black markings, connected to the chain by a small, silver wire.
Just as I was about to leave, my eyes glanced over to the pink bag on my desk, and the note that said: PUT ME ON, OR ELSE.
I reached in it and pulled out a handful of makeup, from eyeliner, mascara, lip-gloss and several things I had never heard of before. I shook my head, rolling my eyes, “Nice try, Rena.”
Without wasting another second, I grabbed the pair of brown wedges placed out for me on my way out of my room, deciding to ignore the fact I hadn’t worn heels this high since- ever.
Outside, a car horn went off several times. I knew it was Rena, and I hurried towards the front door, slipping on the heels. I decided they weren’t so bad as I managed to swiftly walk across the yard without much difficulty, approaching the black mustang that waited. Any second chance to change out of the clothes had been lost, and as I opened the door to the car, I knew I had signed up for a very long day.
____________________
Note: Sorry this chapter is so short, they won't all be like this. Things will begin to pick up a bit at chapter three. I've already written it but I don't have enough points yet. Anyway, I haven't written in first person in a while, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey, I came to review but it's going to be a very short one. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes and I have absolutely no nitpicks! Your chapter was beautifully written and I feel like I got to know Nyx quite a lot. I was relieved for her when she woke up from her nightmare (though I'd like to know what it was about) and laughed as she read the note. However, I am wondering if there's something more sinister about that note. I guess I'll have to wait to find out.
Thank you! ^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it! More will be revealed in chapters 5/6 when I write them!
Hi Genesis, I'm going to review this chapter!
I really liked it, and I didn't see any huge errors. It is a little bit confusing when Nyx's mother says " “I know it’s been rough having to deal with me lately, and for that, I am sorry. I know it’s not fair,” ". Does Nyx not usually have to deal with her mother? Why then do they have to deal with each other now?
Also, here, ". For a moment, my eyes rested on the small, silver chain that fell over my chest from around the back of my neck. My fingers ran over the smooth, white stone blotched with stray black markings, connected to the chain by a small, silver wire." you mention the necklace like it is significant, but then immediately jump to another topic. Maybe if you don't want to explain about it, then you could say something like "With an effort, I tore my eyes away from the necklace. I had other things to think about right now." if the necklace really is significant. If it's not, I wouldn't go into too much detail about it.
I think that's basically it, I can't wait to read more!
-Falc-
Thank you for your suggestions! They really do help me see things I probably wouldn't think to add if no one pointed out anything in the first place. I will gladly look back into these details.
~Genesis~
No problem! Thanks for the follow!