“I wasn’t expecting you for another hour, Sadie.”
I continue kicking off my shoes and drop my bag to the floor before I turn to face Mum. She’s laying on the couch, still dressed in her pjs. She hardly ever gets dressed on her days off.
“Yeah, well, things change.”
I already decided on the bus ride home that I’m going to break my getting fired to her softly. My mum’s the kind of person who doesn’t take bad news well. Saying she’s got a tendency to over react to it’s putting it lightly. I don’t think getting fired from The DVD Barn, a place that I hadn’t even set foot in before I’d gotten hired there, was bad news at all. But then me and Mum are two totally different people.
I can hear the woman on the TV talking about some new film coming out next week but I try to block out her annoying voice; it’s unnecessarily high pitched and squeaky. I cross to the chair opposite the TV and sit down, trying to figure out the best way to start the conversation I’m dreading.
“So why are you home early?” Mum’s not looking at me when she speaks, her gaze still directed at the woman on the TV. “Was it quiet at work?”
I contemplate lying, but then think better of it. “No. Not really.”
She’s still watching the TV and I follow her gaze, getting distracted by the woman’s impossibly white teeth for a second, before I remember why I sat down with Mum instead of retreating to my room to play some rather loud music.
“Oh. Are you ill then? Did you get sent home sick?”
If only. This breaks her concentration on the TV for the briefest of seconds before she’s back to the program.
“No.”
She actually turns her head ninety degrees instead of just flicking her eyes at me. “Sadie.”
I pinch the fabric of the sofa in my fingers. “Yes.”
“Please don’t tell me you’ve come home early because you got yourself fired.”
“No.”
Mum’s face relaxes.
“I’m home early because the little shit behind the till wouldn’t let me have a go, even though I was told I would get a go once I’d been there a couple of months. I mean, they couldn’t honestly think I’d be a shelf stacker forever.”
Mum’s face has tensed right back up and I can see the vein on her forehead pulsating through her skin. “What did you do?” She speaks through gritted teeth and I pinch the sofa harder.
“I wouldn’t have even called it a punch, but apparently I hit hard enough to draw blood. How was I supposed to know the kid was prone to nose bleeds? He should have just let me on the till like I’d asked him to and then I would still have a job.”
The program on the TV cuts to an ad break just after my admission and Mum rounds on me, even dragging herself up into a seated position.
“I cannot believe you. All I asked was that you try this time.” She reaches up to run a hand through her dark hair, her fingers tangling in the knots, and I wander for a moment what it would be like to have naturally dark hair. Then I wouldn’t have to dye it to cover the mousy brown that I inherited from Dad. My skin starts to prickle with irritation and I move to pinch my hand instead of the sofa.
“I did try.”
“Not hard enough.” She sighs, unleashing the first step in what will be her attempt to guilt trip me.
Fortunately I’ve heard this speech plenty of times in the last eighteen months, four times to be exact, to enable myself to switch off from it. She sighs again but all I hear is the woman on the TV again, her voice grating in my ears.
“Do you enjoy ruining what little chance you have of being happy?”
This doesn’t work on me either, so I just shrug, looking to outsiders like the most uncaring teenager in the world. I probably am.
I’m not a callous bitch or anything. It’s not that I don’t care that my habit of losing jobs is stressing my mum out. Of course I care about her. I just don’t care if I have a job or not.
“Sadie?”
Mum’s actually managing to keep her eyes on me, even though her program’s back on. A tiny bit of guilt seeps free then. She must be annoyed if she’s ignoring her guilty pleasure program to talk to me. Or rather, talk at me.
“I am happy,” I confess. It’s almost the truth. I’m not really a happy person, but seeing as I’m not destroying anything in a fit of rage, I reckon everything’s going fine. I’m treading the line of being happy.
“Are you doing this to get back at your Dad?”
Her words don’t register at first and I carry on staring at the peeling wallpaper above the front door before I really hear what she’s just said.
“What?”
“Because if you are, Sadie, it’s not going to work.”
Mum’s never used the Dad card on me before. Not where my jobs are concerned anyway. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling a ripple of annoyance spread through my body. I take a deep breath before I look at her properly. She’s wearing an expression that tells me she knows playing the Dad card was a low blow, but she doesn’t regret it.
I get up from the chair and storm over to my bag.
“Whatever, Mum.”
“Sadie.”
I know Mum hasn’t moved from the sofa. She knows it’s not worth it.
“I’m going out,” I say, the ice cold door handle in my grasp. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“Running away won’t solve anything,” mum says matter of factly, but she knows that’s not my intention. She’s just trying to make me look childish but there’s no-one around to see apart from the mould growing above the kitchen alcove.
I slip on my hoody before looking back at her. She’s trying hard to keep one eye on the TV and the other on me, but it’s not enough.
“Later, Mum.”
***
The sound of my skateboard on the concrete is only just managing to override the sound of my heart pumping furiously in my chest. I haven’t felt this angry in ages.
How dare Mum mention Dad when I’m pretty certain the only reason she’s done it is to get a rise out of me. She knows I don’t like to talk about him and why should I? He’s a waste of space that abandoned us for his new skank, Shelby. I know she’s only with him for the money but I don’t care. She can have it. I don’t want anything from him.
I pull up quickly at a street corner when I notice school kids piling out of the school straight ahead. Not feeling like being accosted by a load of pre-pubescent nitwits, I turn the other way and instead head left, towards the old train station.
I can still feel the anger residing in my bones as I thrust myself further away from home and down the path shrouded on either side by thick evergreen trees. I can feel mud flying up and staining my jeans but I don’t care. I don’t seem to care about much lately and I realise that’s fine with me. You only get hurt when you care, anyway.
“Jeez, Sadie. Again?”
I can’t help smiling at Niamh’s tone. She’s trying so hard to hide her amusement it only makes me more proud to admit the truth.
“Yep. And I wouldn’t have even called it a punch.”
I can’t see Niamh’s face but I know she’s smiling. She whistles down the phone at me. “What’s that? A new record?”
“Who are you comparing me to?” I ask, sucking on the cigarette I found in the pocket of my jeans. I don’t even smoke, unless I’m stressed. This is the one instant where I’m smoking because I feel like it.
“Me, duh.” She laughs. “I only managed three, and that’s if you count helping my uncle move house as an actual job.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Well, you broke my record five months ago then.”
“You bet ya.” I stub out the cigarette on the bench I’m sitting on and look up at the overcast sky. “Where are you anyway?”
“Jail.”
By jail, Niamh means home. There she’s Niamh-Jane and she doesn’t wear her lip ring. Isn’t allowed to more like. That’s what makes me glad my mum’s laid back. Well, when it comes to how I dress anyway. I’ve only been forced to change once, and that was when my dad got remarried to the skank back in June. Apparently fishnets and hot pants aren’t appropriate at a wedding.
“Sucks to be you.” I laugh. “Really though, we need to celebrate.”
I can almost see Niamh’s dark eyebrows raising. “Oh yeah?”
“Dexter’s. Nine sharp,” I say with a wicked grin.
“I’m there.”
“Good.” A bird lands next to me and I watch as it pecks at my cigarette butt.
“Oh, and Sadie?”
The bird flies away and I go back to watching the sky. “Yeah?”
“Dress to impress.”
“Don’t I always?”
Niamh’s laugh gives me the answer I’ve been expecting to hear.
***
“Where are you going?” Mum asks as I stab at the burger on my plate with a bored expression.
“Out.”
Mum doesn’t even protest as she gets up from the table to dump her empty plate in the sink but I hear her sigh. ‘Out’ is my standard response to the question she asks me most evenings.
“I’ll have my phone with me,” I add, as if knowing this will make her feel better about not having any idea where I’m going.
“Are you going to another weirdo rave?” Declan asks from across the table.
I give my younger brother a withering look before biting into a forkful of jacket potato. “What’s it to you?”
He points his fork at me and squints. “You’re such a freak.”
I try to kick him beneath the table but he’s gotten wise to it and moved his chair to an angle that I can’t quite reach. He gives me a smug grin as a result.
“Loser.”
“Gay.”
“Spaz.”
“Kids!”
We both turn from glaring at each other to look at where Mum’s watching another program on celebrities. I’d go as far as to say she was an addict.
“Don’t you start.”
She doesn’t really care that we’re arguing. She’s more annoyed at the fact that our fighting is interrupting the woman with the squeaky voice on the TV. As long as we keep the noise down, she leaves us alone.
“Don’t you have homework?” I tease, pushing my half eaten potato around the plate with my knife.
“Don’t you have work tomorrow? Oh wait. You got fired. Again.” The grin he’d given me just now was nowhere near as smug as this one.
I get up from the table and cross to the sink to deposit my plate, making sure to flick my soapy hands at Declan when I pass him on my way to my room. Suds land in his hair but he doesn’t get up to come after me as I reach the other side of the lounge. Mum may be a petite woman but she can sure shout.
I’m about to turn to run up the stairs when I hear a voice that makes my spine tingle with delight.
“Yes, Karen. The film comes out next week.”
I smile to myself and search the TV for the owner of the voice. My heart stutters when I spot him, slinking back in a chair, a gorgeous smile on his face. His grey eyes shine under the fluorescent lights of the studio and his shirt is unbuttoned just enough to make my pulse quicken. As Niamh would say, Chace Milligan is a total babe.
Mum spots that I’ve stopped at the foot of the stairs and smiles.
“Isn’t he the movie star you and Niamh are always giggling over?”
I roll my eyes at her.
“We don’t giggle over him, Mum. Nineteen year olds don’t giggle.”
“No, but they do talk crap.”
“Declan,” me and Mum both say in unison.
He shrugs and continues raiding the fridge. Typical. He’s only just eaten, yet he’s still hungry. His school shirt’s sticking out from beneath his jumper and his jet black hair is a mess, as per usual. I’m about to insult him when I spot the time on the clock above the TV. Half eight. Shit.
I run up the stairs and into my room, winking at the poster of Chace Milligan I have hanging above my bed, before raiding my wardrobe for a half decent outfit to wear to Dexter’s.
I settle on a pair of leather leggings, a long white vest top and my biker boots. I’m just about to grab my hoody when I spot the denim jacket I bought with my pay check last week. Won’t be getting one of those again for a while. I slip it on after I’ve drawn on my eyeliner. Cash and ID in one pocket and phone in the other, I crash downstairs and out of the door before Mum can say anything about a curfew.
Author's note - I'm not liking this nearly as much as I did when I first wrote it. I only started this story as a distraction when I couldn't get past a scene in the novel I'm supposed to be finishing, but then I fell in love with Sadie's story and I carried on writing it for a while. I don't know whether it's because this is a different style of writing from what I usually do, but something doesn't sit right with me. Sadie's supposed to come across as a bit uncaring, but I don't want the reader to completely hate her. The reason for her actions will be explained in further chapters
As always, any comments will be appreciated. I really need help with this one.
xDudettex
End of chapter
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140,115 Literary Works • 673,019 Reviews
I thought that this would be an interesting read. I was wrong. This is AMAZING. These are the kind of stories in the Realistic Fiction genre that are actually read-worthy, because it's actually realistic. xD
I absolutely love Sadie. Even though she and I have almost nothing in common, she's very relatable. She's very human, and that's very evident in the way she speaks to her little brother. (Which is just hilarious xD)
One thing I really like is how you wrote the mom's personality. She's not one of those overbearing moms or 'I don't care what you do' moms, because those two are seen a lot in novels, movies, TV shows, etc. She still cares about Sadie, but she also has her own little zoning out moments when she watches TV. It reminds me of how people zone out and contemplate their past. And when she always went back to the TV, it reminded me that she could be thinking about her ex husband. Or I could be overthinking it. That's what I'd be thinking of anyway xD
Writing style is very straightforward and makes you want to continue reading until the little section is done so you don't have to face a cliffhanger. Sadie reminds me of the rebellious teenage girl with a modern, unique twist and her personality is addictive to read. I like how you incorporated the 'always need to be doing something' quirk in this, but not as strong as it was in part one, which is good, since we've already come to know Sadie that well.
Keep up the good work! I enjoyed reading this, and definitely plan on continuing.
Alright, so this gives us a lot more detail than part one, and now I'm starting to get to know Sadie better. One error I noticed right away was that you put "Laying" when it should have been lying.
I didn't expect her reason for being fired being because of a punch to someone's nose. This reason is a little unbelievable to me because although I get the picture that Sadie is a bad girl, a punch to the nose is a serious thing. If you draw blood, it's a misdemeanor, so yeah, not something someone should casually do because they are angry.
I do like the story though; it feels very real, and you are doing a good job so far. I hope Sadie ends up changing her ways because she seems quite lost at the moment ^_^
Hey Dudette, Stella here again!
I properly lolled at this, but I can't help but think that I would LOVE to see her mother's reaction after the first part.
Of all the names, Shelby seems a little too cliché here?
Is Niamh on the phone or what? You don't tell us at this point?
OMG WAIT IS THIS THAT STORY?!?!
If so, I am SO GLAD to be here right now.
Okay, so this is the Chace Milligan story revisited from yeeeeears ago? I still remember that, still always wanted to read more about it (if of course, it IS in fact that story).
I love the various dynamics you have going on here, Sadie/Niamh, Sadie/mum, Sadie/Declan. Sadie herself is hard to place. Firstly, this is silly, but her sense of style. When you talked about her blue nail polish in the first chapter, and now what she wears to Declan's, it doesn't really match up. Her attitude is great, but I'm with Yoda about Chace Milligan. "Giggling" seems completely contrary to Sadie right now. Maybe they used to giggle over him? Maybe they talk about him? But giggling + Sadie =/= sense to me right now.
Be careful with you're "I'm a ___ person" statements. In a way, they're clever, because we see Sadie's opinion of herself. But they also seem a lot like telling. Also, there's repetition with them, at least mix up your wording. I'm undecided whether they're working or not, I'll let you know. In some ways, it'd be better to just let Sadie's actions and thoughts speak for her themselves rather than her TELLING us the kind of person she is.
But overall, I still really like this. Definitely reading on if it features Chace Milligan!
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
Dudette! *waves*
Shouldn't it be 'lying' as in from lie?I'm going to post another review in the same thread but this time it is meant for this part. lol.
So true! And a beautiful line.
lol, I love Sadie and her brother. Make me wish I had a sibling, too.
Oh, I love Declan.
This chapter was interesting. To be honest, the first part I reviewed earlier really didn't have much to offer which was fine with me. But this chapter was actually interesting, the story went forward and now I could understand the guilt. Honestly, I like how you projected the relationship between the mother and the daughter. They had their arguments but to my relief they weren't ready to attack on each other. I don't know why but I really liked the mother here. She's calm and doesn't really shout, which is actually a really good thing.
I do have certain things I'd like to suggest you. First of all, the idea of her doing crazy things like getting herself fired on purpose( even though she might not agree to it) is somewhat like the novel The Last Song. I am not sure if you got to read that novel, but in it Ronnie(the MC) is real angry at her father for divorcing her mom. She doesn't really do such things but her resentment towards her father is as strong as Sadie's. Even she had a brother. I am not saying your story is exactly like it, or your MC is but readers might compare these two novels. You see, you can face this problem. Besides, teenage rebellion is somewhat cliched. I hope there's more to it because otherwise it might land up as a cliched teenage drama. I am not against those, but don't you think we've had enough of it lately? But I know you have something else in store for us.
Let me talk of Sadie. She's a babe. I really like her personality, and truly she came across as someone who's a bit uncaring. I think that's a good news. xD! Besides, I like her dressing style-leather pants are my favourite.
The best thing about your story though has to be that it's easy to read with a simple, steady flow. I have seen various writers indulging in heavy dialog, complex personalities and loads of descriptions( I do the description thing.) which sometimes puts off the readers. So it's a good thing you're doing something different and keeping this a light read. But I'd like to tell you one more thing-you shouldn't ignore descriptions too much because they are really important. You should create a good picture of the scenes for the readers. That being said, I think that there's scope for some more emotion and descriptions in this chapter.
One part that confused me was Sadie and Niamh talking to each other on cell phone. At first I was confused how they were talking simply because you didn't mention Sadie dialing Nia's number or Nia calling Sadie. That was actually confusing. I had to read the whole conversation to make out what was actually happening. So, I'd like you to clean up that scene and make things clear.
Besides these things I don't have much to say. You've got an excellent writing style and as far as I've read the story seems good too. But I am really excited to read more and find out what exactly is going to be happen. There is something about Sadie which is welcoming. Plus, the humour you put in here is great.
Hope this helps. PM/ post on wall for anything.
P.S. You didn't have any comma problems this time. Lovely.
~Mia
Yo, Dudette! I said I was going to review this novel for you so here I am.
I'm about three parts late but don't hate me for it. ^^
Anyway, you said you really need help with this one so I'm doing a review for it. I had originally planned to read the chapter and post a review for the one that you just recently posted but I've decided against that now.
Firstly, I like your descriptions. They’re very well done and easy, quick and understandable. However, my only peeve was the description you used during the mother-daughter argument. It was distracting me away from the tense atmosphere that you previously created so maybe you can tone down the ‘woman in the TV’ distraction and concentrate on the argument. I understand that the character is keeping herself calm by using the tv as an outlet of a sort but I don’t know, that part – it was hard for me to not get angry at the interjecting descriptions.
As for your character, I previously said that I liked how solid she was. You had her defined quite intelligibly and she seemed concrete. However in this chapter, she seemed to contradict herself a few times. For example, she says she doesn’t care about her dad but then again goes on to waste her time thinking about him. She doesn’t like pre-pubescent kids yet she sort of acts like one, swooning over a celebrity. Then again, we all do but she seems like a fifteen year old girl winking at her poster of a cute guy and all then telling her mom that ‘teens’ don’t ‘giggle’. We do giggly, silly. I giggled today when listening to NSYNC. xD
Sadie’s “Don’t care” attitude is kind of intriguing as well. I like it. I like how rebellious she is and I know that this will change in the future, she’ll better herself and make right decisions but seeing how young she still is at heart, I’m wondering what conflicts she’s going to have to experience that will ultimately transform her into an adult. Nineteen is a pretty big number and it’s around that time where people start making some real big choices so we’ll see what she’s going to do next. ^^
I’m also going to agree with Yoda on the dad part. I didn’t really get it, as in, why her mother thought she was acting that way to get back at her dad who isn’t even there anymore. It doesn’t make sense to me but who knows, I don’t know much about her family as of yet so there could be a reason to that.
There is one thing that I want compliment you on though. I really like your dialogue because it’s quite realistic and fun to read with a touch of humor in other places. Keep that up.
Overall, it’s a good chapter but I can tell that you hesitated with a few things or perhaps went too fast with it as well. I don’t know, can’t really pinpoint it. Anyway, if you have questions about this review, you know where to find me!
I’ll come back to read and review the next chapter – just…give me some time to get to it. xD
Hopefully this review helped. ^^
-Pink
Yo Dudette,
After reading the first chapter, here are my thoughts:
- You have established conflict between mother and daughter. Good job there.
- You have very clearly defined MC's personality. I don't really care for her, but that is alright.
- You have a minor inconsistency in the way the MC interacts with the mother. She starts off dismissive and annoyed, but she seems willing to banter about Chace.
- For someone who I viewed initially as alternative and unwilling to fall into a role, but swooning over Chace Milligan, she just seems like a regular teenage girl. It's almost like she's a little schizo.
- Strong use of present tense and first person narrative voice.
- I'm unsure why the Dad card is so taboo. Don't really get it.
Very nice to read your stuff again. I'll read more soon, I hope.
Regards
Yoda
Dudette!
Instead of 'pick' couldn't you try out something else? Like, scratch? I know-weird suggestion. But pick isn't really setting in.
I'll start of by saying that I really like the idea of starting each chapter with lines from a song. Even I had thought of this idea but it didn't work out-not because the idea's back but because I gave up writing that story, lol-so I am really excited to see what you do with it. Recently, I started my work on a novel and decided to name each chapter with a song from Linkin Park since the themes matched. But then I thought maybe I shouldn't limit the list only to LP songs and maybe try out other artists as well. So, my point is that this is an amazing idea and there would be many readers who would like such quotes. I'd just like you to even mention the song along with the artist. Then the readers could connect even more. But then, it's your novel, your wish.
This was short, as you already know, so I don't have much to comment about. Seeing that it's just a snippet I can't also judge the story or your writing or how the flow's coming out. With all that said, I think my review's not going to help you much and might not even qualify to be called a 'review'. lol.
So, I have to review, right? I am gonna do that.
Alright, I love your writing. It's simple, personal and funny. You didn't make it flowery or load it with heavy words which is actually a relief. I loved the way you described the situation and as Evelyn said I liked how you showed her boredom. More than that the main reason I'll come back to read more of it is that you've left us at sort of a cliffhanger. I am itching to know if she would get fired and what would then happen with her life. More than that, I'd like to know what kind of story this is going to be since I can't read the genre on this new YWS by clicking on a link directly. So, there are loads of surprises for me.
There's just this one problem with your writing and that's regarding commas. I found that you use them a lot and sometimes when they are not even required. That was a distraction. You know I've seen many writers who don't use commas where it's required and that affects the reading pace, but on the other hand using them too frequently and without any need is also a distraction and disrupts the reading pace. So, I'll just advice you to be more careful with them from next time.
I'm looking forward to read more of it, and I swear I'll come back to review ASAP.
Goodbye and keep writing,
Mia
Dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(ette)!
Yo. I'm here to review. Innit. I'm here late tonight as well because I'm feeling daring and trust my brain for once. I've been active all day (I've had a college interview and seen The Hunger Games for the second time, except this time with my mother. BAM.), so my brain's pretty awake, methinks.
Should the bolded bit there just say is or something?
This should be Mum and me because... well actually, I don't know why the rule exists, but hey, it exists. Me/I should always come last.
I don't know if this is just me, but that sentence is worded in a way that makes me imagine the sofa actually inside her fingers... err. I'd suggest either replacing in with in-between or for you to reword the sentence in some other way.
Hehe. I liked this.
Well, that was a quick ad break, especially if this is set in the UK.
Like evelyn said below me, I was like, "whut?" when the phone was mentioned. It took me a while to realise she was on the phone. I thought she was casually just skating along and them, BAM! Her friend spotted her and maybe called her name from, like, the pavement opposite to her or something (you get the idea). As I read on, I realised she wasn't even on her skateboard anymore! Maybe you could make it more obvious that there's a scene change of sorts in this part.
Overall
So I really like this as a whole! I can definitely see how this is different from what you usually write, which is a great thing in my eyes. No, not because all of your other stuff is awful (quite the opposite) but because it shows that you're pretty versatile and can write different ideas effectively. As for your worries of Sadie being unlikeable or whatever, pfft, don't be silly. I get the sense that she's a bit of a self-destroyer and in case you haven't noticed, I'm a fan of characters who like to destroy themselves in one way or another. I really like Saide because she's rebellious, but not cliche. It's good. I also like the dynamics in her family, especially her relationship with her brother, hehe. Basically, good job!
I don't know if this is because I was foolish and shouldn't have trusted my brain to be awake at this time of the night, but there's nothing that huge here I think I can critique. I do have a few suggestions, but I'd hardly call them full-on critiques. Saying that, I never exactly critique in my, err, critiques because hey, it's your novel, so who am I to say what's wrong with it? You know it better than anyone. But yeah, anyways, I do have some suggestions.
Firstly, I kind of wish there was more mystery around the dad. I mentioned mystery in my last review, didn't I? Geez, someone's a mystery junkie. But yeah, the story of him leaving the family for some mistress is interesting, but I'd actually like to not know that straight away. You could play on the fact that Sadie thinks badly of her father, that he's a taboo subject in the household e.t.c. in a way so that it's always present, but us readers don't know why exactly. As a result, we get all, "what has this dude done to them?" and then when we get more attached to the family, we end up like, "I don't know what he's done, but I'mma smash his face up for treating them so badly." I dunno, it would be cool. But hey, like I said before, just a suggestion.
My other suggestion is about dear old Chace Milligan's. He's caught my interest, but I want to know more. I have an inkling he may be quite important to the novel, so I'd love to get a glance at who he is in this chapter. Sadie pwysleisio... sorry, I forgot what the word was in English so I wrote it in Welsh before I forgot. Ignore that. Oh, and don't judge me. Anyway, as I was saying, Sadie emphasises his dreaminess and all that, but I'd like for us readers to actually see a glimpse of that here. For example, the interview. Maybe have her sit down and watch it for five minutes so you can show off his charismatic, funny, charming (or whatever he's like) personality. That way, you may get some of us readers to start falling for him early on.
I think that's all I really have to say. Overall, I think you've got a really nice chapter here, and I do think this part compliments the first part very well. I'm all excited now and I can't wait to see where this story ends up going! If you have any questions about anything I've said here, or if I haven't made any sense (I have a tendency to do that), you know where to find me!
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
I didn't hate Sadie when I read it, she just seemed like a teenage misfit and you can kind of guess that it might be something to do with her Dad that she is being a rebellious. I think you've done really well with the character development, I love the little details when she loses concentration like the mould and the peeling wallpaper. Only thing I'd say is that you could put a ringing noise in before the phone call just to be specific. But I knew it was a phone call, its just that it seems to break off just before the phone call and then carry on, I think you should show her break in thinking when her phone rings. I did think it was good though, reminded me a bit of Marian Keyes.