He says I am his child Beautiful beyond compare.
He says that he loves me,
That I am of his chosen.
He says he has crowned me with a crown of burning stars,
That I am royalty.
This is all that he says that I am.
Yet at these words I feel an inner turmoil.
To him his words may be true
Those are the things he sees.
But when I look at myself
That is not what I see.
I am fickle, unlovable, unclean and impure
I am one with a heart not of gold
But of the darkest night
I am vile in body, mind, soul, and spirit.
Nothing but a lowly servant, unworthy of
Thought or praise.
What he sees and I see are as unlike as night and day.
His words confuse me- which should I believe?
But I wonder.
If his words were not true
He wouldn’t have laid his life down for me
Or free me to choose.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
This is an interesting poem and in it you seem to be struggling with wether to accept your own criticism or your (parents?) praise. An often visited subject of being unaware of the impact you have on those around you. But discussed interestingly. The last question was a good one. Why would your protector grant you freedom if thwy new you were capable of treachery. The text reminded me of a readme file and semes to be a way to distibute your moral quandry. I would suggest that you overview the poem again as it seemed a bit awkward at parts such as "the most beautiful of his creation". Although this may just be a spelling error I would suggest that you remove the the at least. Other than that it was a pleasant poem with a unique message. Forge onward!
Hey there, Scarlet here to review!
I do have one possible nitpick.
- I'm not sure If you purposely repeated this or If it's suppose to be that way. Also If it is the first line needs to be in the same font or If it's the title it needs to be made larger and needs to be spaced away from the other lines.
Other than that I love this poem and am gonna give it a big favorite.
My favorite part probably has to be...
I love those lines,
Absolutely beautiful description. This sounds clean and crisp, rolls off my tongue like silk.
I also like,
This part is rough but I like that.
Keep writing! You have yourself a new fan!
Sincerely, Scarlet; New Knight of the Green Room
Can I just say the line, "I am vile in body, mind, soul, and spirit." is one of the most amazing lines I've read? I love it, so so much.
Hey wunmi! Unknown391625 here with another review.
I love this poem! You used great vocabulary. You put a lot of thought into this poem. The title drew me in to read it. And when I did I was shocked! This is a great poem! I love how you began with, what he thinks I am. Overall, it's great! I will be looking for future poems and stories by you. Don't give up and always write, wunmi!
-Unknown391625