hello world.
z
So much has brought me here, into this mood, into this state. I feel the world is spinning and I am still. The world spins and there I am by myself yet again. Alone. I know you didn't mean to leave To you, you haven't. But you have don't you see? I am here alone you are with the world spinning.
Once upon a time we both did not know how to spin, We tried of course, but we never seemed to Understand the beat, the rhythm, the pace, But it was okay, we created our own pace. It didn't matter what the others thought. We were spinning in our own world. It was our own pace.
Then you learnt the pace, It was thought to you by another You spinned with them, with all the others, With the ones you once promised to never be loyal. You learned to spin. You enjoyed it. But you tried not to forget. You would stop. Spin with me but suddenly you would change your pace, leaving me behind.
You tried to teach me But I would always fail, would always loose the pace. But later you forgot You would spin with the world Remember me when the others you forgot.
So... My life was then this, When you remembered I was happy. I would savour every momment even though Momments came less often than not.
I know one day you will completly forget. I will be a passing thought, One of none importance, you will not stop. You will continue spinning with the world And I will be there watching. Be happy when you are But also wishing you murderous thoughts.
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Ooh, a structured poem. Interesting.
I feel the word is spinning and I am still.
The world spins and there i am by myself yet again.
Alone. I know you didn't mean to leave
It as thought to you by another
Hello.
This was a very bitter work, or so I got, especially from the last line. Simultaneously, I really enjoyed it! XD
Not only did you tell a story with a strong flavour, but you set it out in a way that was visually enticing and helped add meaning to the story.
Because you have formatted the words to look like a hurricane, you make the reading go faster because of the breaking in the lines.
I was impressed by this piece; it was very clever.
I think, this part was my favourite:
You tried to teach me But I would always fail, would always loose the pace. But later you forgot You would spin with the world Remember me when the others you forgot.
No poem, short story, or novel is perfect but this fantastic poem is very close to it. Of course there are minimal spelling or grammar mistakes but that doesn't take away from the genius behind this work.
tells a tragic story that is very well described and put into detail, but it has the balance between descriptive and being vague amount of detail. With that balance your work is specific yet relatable, which makes it very well written as well.
The format of the poem tells a story within it self. It is unique, and not seen in many works like yours. I think if you used a standard format your poem would not have told the story it did, and it is these tiny details that added up to the near perfect piece you have created.
Points: 240
Reviews: 21
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