October, 9, 2088
World war 3 has been declared. Foreign war machines are put into action and paranormals are forced to choose sides.
November, 27, 2088
The world is in turmoil; nuclear warfare has turned the earth - our home- into a barren wasteland. Our crops won't grow, diseases plague us, nuclear mutation claims 50% of the remaining population and riots flood the streets.
December, 3, 2088
The human death toll has gone up 93% since 2012 and radiation has rendered 80% of women infertile.
The war rages on.
January, 15, 2089
Most of the world is now inhospitable and the war continues to claim lives. It seems as if all hope is lost.
Then we found it; the Arc. A stronghold made to house 4 of each species - including paranormals - is discovered by the British.
February, 20, 2089
The Arc has officially been declared safe and families willingly give up their children in an effort to save them. They were told it was safe. They were told we'd be cared for.
They were told lies
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmmm, I do not believe I've seen a prologue be set out in this sort of chronological map of history before. It is an different style and it does sound pretty intriguing, so let's see how this goes. Right away we're starting with some rather serious stuff here with the start of world war 3, so well consider me intrigued right off the bat.
Okayy....wow I mean, realistically nuclear warfare would pretty much spell the end of the earth for all intents and purposes but hoping maybe they simply meant a few smaller bombs dropped this is accelerating about as fast as you'd expect, it's actually going along fairly realistically with maybe the most unrealistic part being how humanity is still continuing. With the kind of percentages mentioned there I'd expect humanity to steadily wipe itself out. With the way the world is setup we can't really handle death tolls that high not to mention the infrastructure damage that should've come along with this kind of death toll.
Well the ending does not surprise me one bit. The fact that humanity continues its war despite them coming close to extinction and then the one saving grace that is supposed to be helping those that survived turning out to be something that is far more malicious just plays out exactly as you'd expect. Well its certainly an interesting prologue here. Its not the sort of style that you run into often, but I think for this instance it actually works and works rather well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I don't think this is good as a prologue--too much telling, not enough showing.
As a blurb on the back of the book, however...I'd read that. I'd be one of the first to buy it, in fact.
I did notice that you switched tenses a little bit. And in you first sentence, war should be capitalized.
Overall, good and would sell very, very well if it were a blurb.
Hello there! Here to review your work for review day! I'm just going through the many team members of the inc[red]ibles and offering my opinions.
I noticed that this was written in May 2012 but WHY HAVEN'T I READ THIS BEFORE!
It's such a good base for a story which you could take in a million gazillion directions! Is there anymore? I will look after this.
My favourite part:
"Then we found it; the Arc. A stronghold made to house 4 of each species - including paranormals - is discovered by the British" - The paranormal part just makes me so excited I could scream. This is exactly the type of story I will read.
My least Favourite part:
"The human death toll has gone up 93% since 2012 and radiation has rendered 80% of women infertile." So it's not really a least favourite part but I am quite worried if there are going to any humans left?! How will they make more with all of this infertility flying about!?
HOLD UP - I've spied section one and two on the right hand of my screen! Ill be back!
Olive <3
As a prologue, I can see this in an actual book. What I'm picturing right now
* That's what I see, at least.*A graphic of several newspaper clippings, dated as those above, with the happenings written on them. Then, after the clippings there is a little note from the narrator or main character.
I do, however, think the news clippings could be written better, if that's what you intend them to be. What I would suggest is to look in a column of current events (especially world events involving catastrophe) to see how they are written, then pattern your style after them that way.
Just a few spelling mistakes, though. It's spelled NUCLEAR. And you put death tole, where you should have put death toll. Just thought I'd mention those.
From what I've read, I'd like to read what comes next. Good job with the hook.
Hey WaW~chama ^u^
Ok, I like this ^^ I Really, Really like this ^^ Alot ^^
I particulally love how it starts in the begining as objective and all facts and then at the end the narrator goes like 'They were told we'd be cared for.' and we realize it's one of the kids talking ^u^ I don't see this kind of thing that often ^^ Amazing prolouge material ^u^
This leaves all the right questions the reader should be asking;
"What is the Arc?"
"What lies?"
"Wait, 4 species?"
And most importantly;
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!?"
All good and positive questions ^^ I can't wait to read on ^u^
Hey there!
Sorry for being late!
Basically, it seems like most of everything that should be said has already been said by previous reviewers. Because this is such a short prologue, I don't see the use of dating and logs necessary. You can basically explain all of what happened in perhaps a paragraph or two and even give more information to what's really going on.
Actually, I think you should just get rid of this prologue and add what was said into your first chapter. What you explained in this is that it's 2088, the world is pretty much over, there are 'paranormal' people and something about an Arc which I'm guessing is like a nuclear shelter or some sort. If you explain these little things while writing your first chapter, there would be no need for a prologue and during the narration, you can explain the setting in more depth.
Overall, you have a pretty good setup and the plot is interesting but I don't think you need to keep this as a format. Although, the log-like format is different and interesting, it doesn't really do much.
Well, if you have more questions feel free to shoot me a message. And keep writing!
-Pink
Hey! Pix here to review!
Alright. SO I don't usually do prologues but lets give it a shot.
When I clicked this, I expected it to be in paragraph format. But this is actually easier to read and understand then most of the other prologues I've read throughout my time here on YWS. Very easy and detailed, I like how you stated the date and year of every happening. I also liked how you involved statistics in this peice. Most prologues also don't do this...They just give a background. The statistics give a really good aspect of what was happening in the past.
The word paranormals. I wouldn't have expected to use that. It was wonderful. Most people when writing sci-fi or fantasy peices is they don't use as high vocabluary as they should. Which is also a good writer capability. Big vocabulary is always important and I liked that. One of the most interesting time's you've added in here is this-
November, 27, 2088
The world is in turmoil; nucular warfair has turned the earth - our home- into a barren wasteland. Our crops won't grow, diseases plague us, nucular mutation claims 50% of the remaining population and riots flood the streets.
^^This was detailed and very clear. I like how you made it very noticable that in this time period, the world was not very clean and nice.
There wasn't anything really bad about this.
Great job. Keep writing!
~Katie
Hey there, wordsandwishes!
I don't usually tend to read or write prologues, but I'm glad I clicked on this one. I liked the format. It was different, having it almost list like, but that only worked to your advantage. It kept me reading. Sometimes I find prologues focus too much on giving the story a background, that they get bogged down with information, but the format here helped to keep it light. You told us just the right things to get us hooked. Good job!
I'm not very good at writing sci-fi/fantasy stuff, as I'm not imaginative enough to come up with my own worlds and settings. I did sigh at the start, with the whole declaration of WW3, but then as I read on, especially when I read about the paranormals, I could feel myself shaking off the thought that your story would end up sounding like half the other fantasy books out there. I guess, 'The Arc' isn't the most original name for a space ship? but then again, the story kind of reminded me of Noah's arc, with all the children being taken to safety like all the animals.
Noelle's already pointed out the spelling mistakes that I spotted while reading, but I did notice that you haven't changed the year from 2088 to 2089 like you should have when you started a new year in January. It's a simple typo.
I guess this was good because each little entry added to the story. It gave us a better idea of the world and setting and what the people were going through. I bet it's going to be really interesting to find out who the liars were and why they lied, not to mention what happened to all of the children.
I enjoyed reading this! I hope this review helps and if you've any questions, then PM me or write on my wall
xDudettex
Hi there!
Let me start off by saying, wow! That was truly great and you've got me hooked. I want to read more! Ah! Anyway, it was a great way to start off.
The simplicity of it is the true genius here. Most stories I've read that are in the form of journal entries have long, descriptive, main character pouring their soul out entries. But what you have here is short, simple, and to the point. It leaves the reader wondering, guessing what's going to happen next. You sure have me guessing. It also leaves a little freedom as well. You described a war without having to go into much description.
I didn't find much to criticize for this, but there are a few comments I have:
-I noticed you spelled words like foreign, warfare, and British differently than I do. There's been times when I've mentioned this to other users and it turned out they were from a different country and that's how words were spelled there so I don't want to tell you it's wrong if it's really not. I just thought I'd point that out.
-"A stronghold made to house 4 of each species - including paranormals - is discovered by the Brittish." What I always learned is that if you can write out a number in one word than you write it out. So I think you should write out the number four. It's not that big of a deal, but I figured I'd point it out. Also, at the end of this sentence you said the Arc was discovered by the British. Since you said in the previous sentence "Then we found it..." I thought you could change the wording to not seem repetitive. Maybe you could say 'Then we found it; the Arc: a stronghold made to house four of each species including paranormals.' Just thought I'd suggest it.
Overall this is a really good prologue. Like I said before, you've got me hooked.
Keep writing!
Noelle